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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Liked 40 Times in 29 Posts


    Donor

    Default Male rules and guidelines for women.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.

    These are our rules!

    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.


    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

    We need it up, you need it down.

    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

    or the changing of the tides.

    Let it be.


    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


    1. Crying is blackmail.


    1. Ask for what you want.

    Let us be clear on this one:

    Subtle hints do not work!

    Strong hints do not work!

    Obvious hints do not work!

    Just say it!


    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's

    what we do.

    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

    See a doctor.


    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect

    us to act like soap opera guys.


    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

    Don't ask us.


    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the

    ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one


    1. You can either ask us to do something

    Or tell us how you want it done.

    Not both.

    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

    We have no idea what mauve is.


    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

    We do that.


    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

    nothing's wrong.

    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer

    you don't want to hear.


    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.


    1! . Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

    discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,

    or golf.


    1. You have enough clothes.


    1. You have too many shoes.


    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  2. #2
    Hang 'Em High perticelli's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.07.03
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,658
    Favorite VH Album

    fair warning, women & children
    Favorite VH Song

    unchained,take your whiskey
    Last Online

    11.30.15 @ 02:22 PM
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    Default

    great ones..cant wait to see the ladies rules..its a ownder we coexist, really.
    If it werent for sex and laundry, and finding things, we would be separate species on separate continents!
    Eddie is the greatest, period

    The Unofficial VHLinks RRHOF

    SkyyeFM-Radio without the Rules(Webpage)

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium mistere's Avatar
    Join Date
    05.31.02
    Location
    Bangkok
    Posts
    5,364
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Women Down
    Favorite VH Song

    Chicken Feet for Breakfast
    Last Online

    07.11.09 @ 03:27 AM
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    Default

    Excellent. I especially agree with #1.
    True story: I just broke it off with my latest girlfriend in part because I
    could not explain the concepts of North and South, East and West to her.
    Understandable MAYBE, if we were in a land-locked locale, but I LIVE ON
    THE FUCKING BEACH!!! I literally had to tell her "If the water's on your
    right, you're going South, if it's on your left, you're going North." When
    she finally got there and told me The Daily Show was stupid and boring,
    I knew it was over.
    Last edited by mistere; 02.28.06 at 09:48 AM.

  4. #4
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.19.00
    Age
    54
    Location
    On the wild card line...
    Posts
    28,684
    Favorite VH Song

    "Dance The Night Away"
    Last Online

    12.17.17 @ 01:39 PM
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    1,046
    Liked 1,350 Times in 926 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mistere
    Excellent. I especially agree with #1.
    True story: I just broke it off with my latest girlfriend in part because I
    could not explain the concepts of North and South, East and West to her.
    Understandable MAYBE, if we were in a land-locked locale, but I LIVE ON
    THE FUCKING BEACH!!! I literally had to tell her "If the water's on your
    right, you're going South, if it's on your left, you're going North." When
    she finally got there and told me The Daily Show was stupid and boring,
    I knew it was over.
    That's why the West Coast disorients me sometimes, I'm used to the beach being on the other side!

  5. #5
    Hang 'Em High map57's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.05.04
    Age
    47
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    6,070
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    5150
    Last Online

    01.23.14 @ 12:32 PM
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    Default

    My favorite was.....

    "If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect

    us to act like soap opera guys."

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.12.00
    Location
    The US of A
    Posts
    16,463
    Favorite VH Album

    Women & Children First
    Favorite VH Song

    Fools/All things Halenized
    Last Online

    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Liked 29 Times in 14 Posts


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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by billy007
    That's why the West Coast disorients me sometimes, I'm used to the beach being on the other side!
    Sounds a bit backwards to me.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  7. #7
    Eruption lal5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.18.05
    Age
    51
    Location
    miami,fla
    Posts
    1,452
    Favorite VH Album

    dont ask i love em all
    Favorite VH Song

    ARE U KIDDING ME
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    06.16.12 @ 03:16 PM
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    Default

    havent we been down this road before......

  8. #8
    Casting Shade
    Join Date
    04.23.04
    Location
    Blackwater Park
    Posts
    2,386
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Light Up The Sky
    Last Online

    05.04.08 @ 05:05 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeoHalen
    1. Ask for what you want.

    Let us be clear on this one:

    Subtle hints do not work!

    Strong hints do not work!

    Obvious hints do not work!

    Just say it!

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's

    what we do.

    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

    nothing's wrong.

    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
    My god! This is like a description of my past.
    "Rehab is for Quitters"

    "It is not possible to have life after death since death is the end of life." -OV

    "What doesn’t kill you, will only make you pissed off!"
    -Alexi Laiho

    "If I know I'm going crazy...I must not be insane." -Dave Mustaine

    "Simpson, QUICK! Honk at that broad." -Mayor Quimby

 

 

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