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  1. #1
    Pope Of Greenwich Village SuckaInA3Piece's Avatar
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    Philadelphia, PA
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    10.05.16 @ 04:18 AM
    Liked 85 Times in 41 Posts


    NFL in Eastern Europe

    Figured I'd share this email with you guys. My close friend Greg is in the Ukraine for the next two years on a teaching assignment. He's a HUGE sports nut, having been an editor for a paper in Wisconsin, but has always had a place in his heart for Eastern Europe. So getting a gig there was pretty much a dream of his. Anywho, here's Greg sharing with me the experience of teaching these Ukranian kids how to play American Football. Pretty funny.

    I figured I'd let you in on the results of my first American Football
    class. Exporting our culture and confusing game has never been so fun.
    The kids have the basic ground rules down, here is a recap of what
    happened on the field (actually, indoors, since its been between
    -20-30 lately). Hope you enjoy:

    1. Due to their soccer backgrounds, they kick the ball too damn much.
    A punt is not a good thing! And it is NOT an alternative to a pass ...
    maybe in the CFL or something, but not in any respectable league.

    2. These DBs could be arrested with the shit they do to receivers
    across the middle. Upon seeing Andrei take ample liberties with the
    5-yard bump, I asked him if he had ever seen Al Harris play. He had

    3. Planning? Who needs game planning? We're hot-headed kids, lets just
    go for it... oh, whats this? The play broke down and Mr. Porter is
    under pressure in the pocket and doesn't know where to throw cause we
    broke off our routes and now are scrambling like chickens with their
    heads cut off? Funny how that happens...

    4. Alexei, do not shoot the football into the basketball hoop! Different games.

    5. Though a lateral might seem like a good idea, the Option is for
    bitches and/or/i.e. Nebraskans and it'll get you more fumbles than you
    can imagine. I have placed a ban on laterals as everytime they are
    about to be tackled they try to chuck the ball to a teammate ... with
    predictable results. Don't be that guy, just go down.

    6. Don't tell me you just counted 7 Mississippis in the time it took
    me to make a 5-step drop. I'll still make a mockery of your ill-timed
    blitz, but next time I'm going to be keeping an ear open to hear that

    7. Getting a hand on the ball does not count as possession, you do not
    move forward for that. Though it means the QB put the ball on target,
    and that is progress, it is still not enough

    8. See Yaroslav, the problem with a Hail Mary in a gymnasium is that
    every time you go deep you wind up accelerating into the wall and
    getting hurt. Lets try some good ol West Coast offense for now

    9. If the DB is standing in front of you, I can't throw it. Contrary
    to popular belief, waving your arms does not mean I'm obliged to toss
    you the rock.

    10. Attention Andy Reid: observe the way these kids catch the ball and
    then run to the line to snap it and get the next play going. Perhaps
    you could learn from this ... like when there is 2 minutes left ...
    and you're down by 3 ... with no timeouts ... in a game with a
    divisional rival ... and momentum on your --- ahh, too late, already
    delay of game. Better luck next time.

    Hope all is well,

    "It's always a Catch-22 situation. They hate you if you're the same, and they hate you if you're different."
    ~Eddie Van Halen~

    "The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, and then turns into a pizza."
    ~David Lee Roth~


  2. #2
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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