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  1. #1
    Hot For Teacher AVH5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.03.03
    Age
    46
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    288
    Favorite VH Album

    A Different Kind Of Truth
    Favorite VH Song

    Summer Nights / I´ll Wait
    Last Online

    11.06.17 @ 01:38 AM
    Likes
    1
    Liked 1 Time in 1 Post


    Premium Member

    Got this in my company mailbox this morning...

    >TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    >FR: MANAGEMENT
    >RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    >
    >In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
    >from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained
    >through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We
    are
    >trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
    >
    >If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please
    >see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
    >S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are specially skilled at seeing that you
    >get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
    >
    >Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
    >EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take
    >D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING
    >(E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were
    >promoted, they don't have to do S.H.IT. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T.
    >already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be nterested in a job
    >training others.
    >
    >We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.
    >S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.
    >jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING
    >(D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
    >
    >If you have further questions, please direct then to our HEAD OF
    TRAINING,
    >SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
    >
    >Thank you,
    >
    >BOSS IN GENERAL
    >SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    >(B.I.G. S.H.I.T)

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.22.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    texas
    Posts
    9,852
    Favorite VH Album

    1984 / 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    the ones with ed on them.
    Last Online

    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    LOL! Priceless...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  3. #3
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    11.10.03
    Age
    35
    Location
    where Conan O'Brien is no longer president, a.k.a. Finland
    Posts
    1,665
    Favorite VH Album

    All of them.
    Favorite VH Song

    As Is.
    Last Online

    10.03.17 @ 11:49 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    That is some funny SHIT..
    -nobody rules these streets at night but me-

  4. #4
    Eruption Lightning Fingers's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.20.03
    Age
    48
    Location
    I AM CANADIAN!!!
    Posts
    986
    Favorite VH Album

    Alright, I admit - All of them
    Favorite VH Song

    Almost all of them
    Last Online

    03.01.12 @ 05:52 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    I love this one... got it in an office email a few months ago... sums up some of the s.h.i.t in my office once in a while.
    Homer: No one snuggles with Max Power. Just strap on and feel the Gs!

    American Coast Guard: Back off Canadians we got them.
    Canadian Coast Guard: You back off hosers, they are in Canadian waters, eh.
    American Coast Guard: Beat it you puck smacking maple suckers!
    Canadian Coast Guard: Take a hike you Shatner stealing Mexico touchers!

    Bart: Who the hell is this?
    Jack Bauer: I’m Jack Bauer, who the hell is this?
    Bart: Me, er… I’m Ahmed Adudi
    Jack: Chloe, get me all you can on Ahmed Adudi… Does anyone there know Ahmed Adudi?
    Chloe O’Brien: Ahmed Adudi; wealthy Saudi financier… Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late 90s…
    Jack: … Really?
    Chloe (ironically): No Jack it’s a joke name, you’re being set up.
    Jack: DAMMIT!

  5. #5
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.08.03
    Age
    29
    Location
    Nampa, Idaho U.S.A
    Posts
    2,638
    Favorite VH Album

    5150, OU812, Balance, F.U.C.K
    Favorite VH Song

    Dont have one
    Last Online

    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 18 Times in 11 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AVH5150
    >TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    >FR: MANAGEMENT
    >RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    >
    >In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
    >from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained
    >through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We
    are
    >trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
    >
    >If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please
    >see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
    >S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are specially skilled at seeing that you
    >get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
    >
    >Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
    >EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take
    >D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING
    >(E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were
    >promoted, they don't have to do S.H.IT. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T.
    >already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be nterested in a job
    >training others.
    >
    >We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.
    >S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.
    >jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING
    >(D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
    >
    >If you have further questions, please direct then to our HEAD OF
    TRAINING,
    >SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
    >
    >Thank you,
    >
    >BOSS IN GENERAL
    >SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    >(B.I.G. S.H.I.T)
    that is awesome! Im gunn have to show my dad that!
    Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504401115
    YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/jedimasterkyle

    BOISE STATE BRONCOS! - They're awesome. Deal with it!

    11/16/04 - VAN HALEN in Boise, Idaho. Changed my life forever

    8/8/06 - Sammy Hagar and the Wabos w/Michael Anthony in Boise, Idaho. Sam and Mike still kick ass

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.12.00
    Location
    The US of A
    Posts
    16,463
    Favorite VH Album

    Women & Children First
    Favorite VH Song

    Fools/All things Halenized
    Last Online

    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
    Likes
    130
    Liked 29 Times in 14 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Hey AVH5150 - room for one more at your company??

    That was a great memo!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  7. #7
    Hot For Teacher AVH5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.03.03
    Age
    46
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    288
    Favorite VH Album

    A Different Kind Of Truth
    Favorite VH Song

    Summer Nights / I´ll Wait
    Last Online

    11.06.17 @ 01:38 AM
    Likes
    1
    Liked 1 Time in 1 Post


    Premium Member

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smithjc
    Hey AVH5150 - room for one more at your company??

    That was a great memo!!

    Come over the pond !!! After work, we´ll go together in THE FULL PUB !!!!

 

 

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