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  1. #1
    Eruption Dance The Night Away's Avatar
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    07.12.17 @ 05:19 PM
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    Default Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.




    Everyone loves Chuck Norris. This guy is 65 years old and he could still kick my 230 pound 22 year old ass. Walker Texas Ranger has been off the air for a few years now (not including reruns) but its good to see Norris-Mania is stronger than ever! I swear to god this guy is on tv 24 hours a day. I can turn on the television anytime of the day and I know I will see Norris' smiling face somewhere (Walker, Total Gym, Conan O'Brien or one of his awesome movies like MIA, Sidekicks or Delta Force).

    The world isn't always a perfect place but at least we always know that Chuck Norris will do what is right, one roundhouse kick at a time.

    http://www.latimes.com/features/life...ines-lifestyle

    http://www.funlol.com/funpages/more-chuck-norris.html
    \m/ VH \m/

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

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  3. #3
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Chuck Norris is da man!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  4. #4
    Atomic Punk
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    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.


    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't FUCK with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


    Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

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  5. #5
    Eruption Dance The Night Away's Avatar
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    07.12.17 @ 05:19 PM
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    These two cracked me up:

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris' blood type is KO.
    \m/ VH \m/

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    Wow that Chuck Norris is one wild and crazy guy.
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  7. #7
    Eruption blacknblue's Avatar
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    09.13.06 @ 09:37 PM
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    BWAH! As a kid we always joked "Chuck Norris IS Chuck Norris IN Chuck Norris's Revenge of Chuck".
    Honey, I ain't through with you!

    GO ILLINI!!!!!!!

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk
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    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

    http://axxman300tool.blogspot.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/axxman300

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk
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    Chuck Norris Random fact generator:

    http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/of...huck/index.php
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

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  10. #10
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris' blood type is D.O.A.
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  11. #11
    Good Enough rrussou812's Avatar
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  12. #12
    Baluchitherium
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    AWESOME ! ! !

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
    Rock the Red!!!

    "Give Doc the shotgun. They're less apt to get nervy if he's on the street howitzer."

    "Dying ain't much of a living, boy."

    Save a Terrapin - Fear a Turtle

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Chuck is the man!!!!!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  14. #14
    Eruption Dance The Night Away's Avatar
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    07.12.17 @ 05:19 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by SactoFan
    Chuck Norris' blood type is D.O.A.
    I thought it was a well known fact that his blood type is KO.
    \m/ VH \m/

  15. #15
    Unchained Stidham's Avatar
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    10.11.14 @ 03:02 AM
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    A few more from the Chuck Norris fact generator.......



    Chuck's testicles have their own beard.

    Viagra is in fact Chuck Norris' solidified semen.

    Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of Chuck Norris to grow.

    The only thing that keeps Chuck Norris going is the fact that somewhere, someone is watching Delta Force 2.

    Every time Chuck Norris throws a roundhouse kick, all women within 5 miles of Chuck immediately achieve orgasm.

    Chuck Norris can bench-press the moon.

    The wind generated by the speed of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to blow the clothes off of 37 women.

    Bruce Lee's death (brain swelling) was directly related to Chuck Norris recieving second place to him in a martial arts contest. Coincidence? Norris doesn't think so.

    Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.

    It is Chuck Norris' eye that adorns the Great Seal on the back of the $1 bill. He is all seeing.
    Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants; I'm here before you to stand behind you To tell you something I know nothing about... ~Sammy Hagar

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt...LSe/weight.png

 

 

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