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  1. #1
    Top Of The World ACK's Avatar
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    11.17.06 @ 05:25 PM
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    Default Van Halen 2006: A New Beginning



    VAN HALEN 2006: A NEW BEGINNING

    Some say it was inevitable, but who knew back in 1982 when Edward Van Halen played the blistering guitar solo on Michael Jackson's massive hit "Beat It" that the seeds were being sown for a musical union that would become the ultimate joining of the titans?

    EDDIE: Quincy Jones asked me to play on "Beat it." At first, I didn't believe it was him calling and I called him a "fucking asshole" and hung up on him. He called back and…well, the rest is history.

    Over the next two decades, both Edward Van Halen and Michael Jackson would both suffer personal and professional crisises. The year 2005 was a year when things changed irrevocably for both Edward and Michael Jackson.

    EDDIE: Michael had his trial and got cleared of fucking little boys. He knew that his career as a solo artist was over and that he needed a new start. I had done a reunion tour with Sammy in 2004 and all Sammy did in 2005 was trash me, saying that he wouldn't come back for another tour unless I stopped drinking. Well, fuck that! That's when I knew that if Van Halen was going to continue, big changes were gonna have to be made. And since I am Van Halen, I was gonna have to make 'em.

    In late 2005, Edward approached Michael Jackson about working on some songs together. Michael and Ed got together at Edward's home studio, 5150, and it was apparent that there was more to what they were doing than just "some songs."

    EDDIE: Michael's got fucking elephant balls, okay?? He's the best white rock singer ever. He's my musical soulmate! Hell, even Val tried to get back together with me when she heard Michael had started hanging with me. Fuck her! She better be wearing a cup the next time I see her!

    Eddie made the decision to forge ahead with a new Van Halen. Michael Jackson suggested bringing in his brother Tito to play bass, which was a decision that Eddie realized was the only one that made sense.

    EDDIE: This Tito fucking rocks, okay?? I was getting sick of Sammy's stooge (Michael Anthony) anyway! Let him and Sammy sell Cabo Fucking Wabo the rest of their sorry-ass lives! We got fucking Tito Jackson! After all, he's gotta eat, too!!

    With new blood in the band, it was decided that Alex Van Halen, Eddie's brother and the only drummer he's ever worked with, had to be fired. Former AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd was drafted to fill out the lineup of the New Van Halen

    EDDIE: Alex took the news hard, but he's family, so what's he gonna do, y'know? I ended up giving him a job as my gofer. He gets my booze ready, cleans up my puke…you know, that kinda stuff. We just needed new blood on the bottom end – Al was getting kinda stale, y' know??

    With that, expect the New Van Halen to release an album and tour in 2006. According to Eddie, this is the ultimate Van Halen lineup:

    EDDIE: Things happen for a fucking reason, know what I mean? All those other singers – Dave, Sammy and the Extreme dude - were just means to an end. This is the way Van Halen should have always been. And this is the way Van Halen will always be…or else I'm taking up the fucking accordian!

    Van Halen Management: Gene Simmons, Sex Money KISS Management Group
    Record Label: To Be Determined

  2. #2
    Top Of The World jf9105's Avatar
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    01.01.09 @ 12:48 PM
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    Default

    ok, someone had to much to drink last night. Can i recomend AA and a shrink for all of you mental health needs.
    Kickin' back, ain't kickin' you

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Anything Mike played on
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    Anything Mike played on
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Heheh....nice, ACK.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  4. #4
    Top Of The World
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    Favorite VH Album

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    The Dream is over, Dreams
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    01.02.17 @ 03:50 PM
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    Default

    The coment about Michal being the best white singer ever was funny , but other then that, some one on this web site needs to get laid.

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! 79th and Sunset's Avatar
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    10.22.17 @ 12:35 PM
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    Default

    Ah, just Beat it'

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing! emm5150's Avatar
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    07.13.17 @ 06:45 PM
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    Funny stuff!!!

  7. #7
    Eruption Interceptor's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 12:28 AM
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    Can you imagine Michael re-writing some of the lyrics to maybe "Beautiful Girls" or "The Full Bug". Ahhh, how the mind wanders into the gutter so unexplainably
    Last edited by Interceptor; 01.01.06 at 06:49 PM. Reason: content was pretty crude I thought

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk Little Dreamer's Avatar
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    12.13.17 @ 10:58 PM
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    Default

    Michael J. having "elephant balls"?
    More like chipmunk balls...
    Little Dreamer

  9. #9
    On Fire EVH Army's Avatar
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    07.10.08 @ 07:22 PM
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    Default

    Val tried to get back together with me when she heard Michael had started hanging with me. Fuck her! She better be wearing a cup the next time I see her!
    Val has balls?
    "I am the party" ~David Lee Roth

    Quote Originally Posted by Elwood P.
    Uhura: Mr. Spock, what happened?
    Spock: The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted with the arm of the chair.

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    I can't believe I read that entire post!!!!!!!

    Someone's got too much time on their hands around here.

    For shame!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  11. #11
    Unchained Van Murphenstein's Avatar
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    Default

    As long as Bubbles is on Drums... I'm in.

  12. #12
    Eruption Erikson90's Avatar
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    12.13.17 @ 04:33 AM
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    Default

    hahhah fkn mint!!! i needed a laugh today too! thanks
    "People ask me 'Dave, what's it like to be a rock and roll star?" I tell them 'It's simple: in your mind, line up every woman you've ever been with. Got 'em there? well, I wouldn't fuck any of them.'" - DLR

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 02:09 AM
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    Default

    Being a VH fan, you need some humor like this once in awhile.
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

    In 2012, the phoenix has risen!!

    "High speed, low drag."

    "Look at all the people here tonight!!!" - 10/5/07, 5/20/08 Mohegan Sun

    Congratulations to Van Halen as part of the Class of 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

    Cinco de Cabo @ Foxwoods: "A giant party with live music" - S. Hagar

    got tequila?

    http://keepitaliveforever.com

  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.12.16 @ 10:22 AM
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    Default

    Very interesting read.

  15. #15
    Top Of The World ACK's Avatar
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    11.17.06 @ 05:25 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Raldo
    Being a VH fan, you need some humor like this once in awhile.


 

 

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