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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    The Booze Chronicles....

    Before the great hack, there was a damned entertaining thread chronicling the many drunken (mis)adventures of the VH Linkers. Let's get it started again with the best of your worst.

    One night ended in liquid disaster for me and two high school buddies when we decided to crash the party of an acquaintance. Not really a friend, but friend of some friends. Hell, I barely knew the guy.....but I was a bit of a teetotaler back then so that meant I was the DD. After reaching the place of partying, my friend Paul disappears completely to some unknown room of the townhouse. My remaining friend Jeff grabbed a brew and we were talking with a bunch of the guys in the front room about god knows what. About an hour went by and neither of us had seen Paul since our arrival. Well, before we could go looking for him, Paul stumbled into the living room looking positively green in the face. I was in the middle of formulating the words "hey, you don't look so good" when Paul opened the floodgates and puked like a fire hydrant on the coffee table we were all seated around.

    Every male in the room jumped up on thier seat like they'd seen a mouse, myself included. Jeff sprang into action, grabbed Paul, and shoved him for the sliding patio door that was beyond a closed curtain. "Get the door open! Let's get him outside!" he shouted.

    I reached for the curtains, whipped them aside, and tried to open the sliding glass door. It was locked, but it was too late. Another loud groan issued from Paul behind me.

    "Oh shit Dude," Jeff warned "You better move!"

    I moved just in time to see the launch of the second stream splash neatly onto the glass and to see the girls who were just outside smoking completely freak the fuck out and scatter like roaches. I successfully got the door open shortly after and we ushed the Puke Machine outside.

    The owner of the townhouse (who hadn't invited us anyway) was understandably pissed and demanded we clean up the mess. Well, being dickish high school kids, we simply poured Paul into the back of the truck and fled.....never to return to one of his parties.
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  2. #2
    Eruption Badhorsie551's Avatar
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    Lets see here

    10th grade myself and a few friends decided to go to school wasted.

    My friend ends up puking in class and rats everyone else out!

    We all get kicked out of school and placed into Alcohol classes and "alternative" schooling for 6months.
    What do you mean i dont believe in god?
    I talk to him everyday!

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk TheresOnlyOneWay's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 11:15 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badhorsie551
    Lets see here

    10th grade myself and a few friends decided to go to school wasted.

    My friend ends up puking in class and rats everyone else out!

    We all get kicked out of school and placed into Alcohol classes and "alternative" schooling for 6months.
    LOL! We got ripped during an assembly at a friends house in the 10th grade(furniture overturned and everything). Afterwards, I had to do an oral report and no one even knew the difference! I'm assuming it's because they already thought I was stupid and it was normal behavior. Anyway, I got away with it! Sorry you got busted though! P.S. I think I got a B on the (Biology) report!
    Sammy did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    Michael did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
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    Q: who was the biggest douche that you have worked with?

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    Now the new David-Lee-Roth-Van Halen album, “Tokyo Dome In Concert,” is available for purchase, and it’s super, super, super, super, super, super, crazy bad. - Doug Elfman

  4. #4
    Eruption Badhorsie551's Avatar
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    The funniest part though was i got to 4th period before my friend ratted everyone out.

    I remember reading outloud a paragraph or two from great expectations in english class (1st period) and then i remember doing my project for Speech class. I had to "Sell" an item to the class by going up front and talking about it. I ended up getting an A on that and i was tore up.

    3rd period though....i dont remember that class at all

    4th period (spanish) was when i got taken away so i remember that part.
    What do you mean i dont believe in god?
    I talk to him everyday!

  5. #5
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
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    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    I was home on recruiters assistant duty while in the Corps. A trio of bro's I knew from MCRD San Diego were home on the same duty at a different station in the Quad Cities, where I am from. We decided that we'd meet at a place called Gulliver's in the mall that had SOOOOPER cheap pitchers at happy hour.

    We had out girlfriends/leave-lady with us and got completely tore up. I'd say the 4 of us went through 20 pitchers in the 2 hours of Happy Hour. The girls drank their "girly" drinks, but stopped early enough to make sure they were able to drive.

    During the time we were there, the recruiters we all worked for showed up, bought more beer and got tore up with us. Not cool, considering all the area recruiting stations had their weekly PT the next morning.

    As the first hour rolled in to the second, Navy recruiters show up with a couple of squidly's that just graduated from FireFighters school. Well, as beer will do, we were running O-course type runs to the bathroom. As we ran passed the graduates, we were making fire truck siren's and shit like that, saying..."uh-oh, my little fireman's going to put out another fire."

    Someone also made the comment that being a fireman on a ship is equal to being the pivot man in a circle jerk. You get to hold the hose but not have any fun. How they knew was beyond me.

    Next thing you know, the Army is there and we started singing the Jolly Green Giant jingle and making out fire truck noises on the way to the bathroom.

    What happened next was one large blur of a headache wrapped around a couple solid left/right combo's given and recieved. You'd have thought that WW3 had been declared right there in the bar. Somehow we escaped with no external damage. Internally, we paid for it the next morning as we failed miserably in our attempt to run 3 miles in the 18:00 allowed, sit-ups were an effort and push ups were pretty much out of the question.
    Last edited by RRMB; 02.21.05 at 11:46 AM.
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


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  6. #6
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrockinmonkeyboy
    Internally, we paid for it the next morning as we failed miserably in our attempt to run 3 miles in the 18:00 allowed, sit-ups were an effort and push ups were pretty much out of the question.
    Good gravy, 3 miles in 18 minutes is impossible for me even if I was stonecold sober the night before!!
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  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
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    12.14.17 @ 03:26 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum
    Good gravy, 3 miles in 18 minutes is impossible for me even if I was stonecold sober the night before!!
    When my dad was in basic, they had a guy there that was some sort of champion miler. I think my dad said he held the record for the indoor mile or something like that. Anyway, my dad said he made everybody else look extremely stupid.

    I had posted this several times on the other boards, but it's worth posting here:

    I was at a keg party at a friends house back in about '84 or something. I had never played quarters, so I was at the table playing and of course everybody was picking on the guy that had never played before. After a very short period of time, I was completely inebriated, and proceeded to the bathroom. I was standing there taking a piss, when I realized, just a little bit too late, that I was falling over backwards. I was reaching and grabbing for anything to stop my fall as I was falling backwards into the tub and all I managed to do is turn the shower on. So I'm lying there in the tub with water running all over me and my left leg hanging over the edge of the tub, and I can't manage to get out, so I start yelling "Help!" The guy who was throwing the party came up to help me and he looks at me and says something like "What in the hell are you doing?" and I say "Help me out of the tub!" He replies "Let go of your dick!" After all of that, I still managed to hold onto my dick as I went down. Hey, I knew what was important!
    Last edited by Viking; 02.21.05 at 09:54 PM.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk chefcraig's Avatar
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    Due to the simple fact that I humiliate myself on a daily basis as to where I work, it is rare indeed for me to give forth a story that embarasses me even furrther.

    YET...

    Here is one such story...

    It was around 1981-83, and I was amidst of one of those "moving back to the parents house 'cause I'm broke" deals.

    Wonderfully (or so it started) , my folks were about to embark on a trip to see my aunt and uncle, some great distance away, and would be gone for 4 days.

    Hell, I was ready...so I went out and purchased Iron Maiden's "Killers", a couple of Led Zep bootlegs and "Grand Funk Lives", a reunion record for them guys.

    Oh...and much alcohol and some very fine green bud.

    Thursday went quite well, as for the rest of the weekend....

    For some reason, (roughly Friday around 6 pm) I thought a baby-food jar full of pot seeds, if cooked in oil on the stove, would turn into "pot-corn" (having witnessed how "pop-corn" works, my pliable mind at that point thought that this indeed was a given point of logic).

    So naturally, I set this up on the stove...and promptly forgot about it.

    About 14-22 minutes later, a barrage of hot, angry, oily and very determined pot seeds exploded from the frying pan onto every surface within a 40 foot area.

    You got it...I spent the entire rest of the weekend drinking, smoking and scouring the fucking kitchen, living room and parts of the hallway, walls, ceiling, furniture and carpet getting rid of these miniscule pieces of oily schrapnel, and really developing a not so fond memory of early Iron Maiden, let alone Grand Funk's reunion ideas (never got to the Led Zep for weeks).

    Oh...my mom's first words, upon returning home?
    "Craig, were you cooking?"

    Maybe if I'd used the micro-wave and a bag...yet we did not own a microwave back then, as they cost thousands of dollars at that time.

    ...craig
    Last edited by chefcraig; 02.22.05 at 03:05 PM.
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
    George Bernard Shaw

  9. #9
    Eruption Dr5115's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 10:35 AM
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    Me and some buds gets wasted beyond belief in high school one weekend night. I'm talking beer, Bacardi 151, Tequila, and JD shots. I let one of my friends drive my car (better he gets a DWI than me, right?) One of my friends pukes in the backseat of my Trans Am (what other car could it be). I'm so wasted I don't even realize it. Somehow we met up with my girlfriend who drove me home.

    I go to my room and go to sleep, vaguely remember vomiting in the night. I wake up the next morning to find myself laying in my own vomit in my bed! I went to the bathroom (wishing I was dead) puked some more. Then I stumble out to my car to look for bottles etc, to hide from the parents. I then notice puke all over the backseat of my car. Luckily my parents were not home so.................I grabed my mom's vacuum cleaner and sucked up the vomit in my car.

    Needless to say mom figured out what happend. The Damn vaccum cleaner gave me away!

    Last edited by Dr5115; 02.23.05 at 06:52 AM.

  10. #10
    Hot sauce on everything Red's Avatar
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    12.06.17 @ 06:36 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr5115
    I wake up the next morning to find myself laying in my own vomit in my bed!
    Me too. Haven't touched tequila since 1991.

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Potcorn....heh heh. Good story.

  12. #12
    The Frantic Antic TopTimi's Avatar
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    06.14.13 @ 10:39 PM
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    Too many to remember, but here is a short recolection.

    Jr. year in high school lunch hour was usually our time to get a big 'ol buzz on to endure the rest of the day. One such day, my friend Miguel and I picked happy mushrooms and ate them along the way. Well, a little bit into Spanish class the full effect was rolling through my veins. It seemed now I could really understand everything in Spanish. The teacher had asked everyone to stand up one by one and say what they did/ate for lunch. I found out that not only could I understand everything, I could also speak fluently with all the proper mannerisms and accent. Everyone was rolling with laughter except the teacher. My freind Miguel (an exchange student from Spain and class T.A.) was peaking as well. He told me that I had mentioned getting drunk and eating alot of pussy while filming it for the class to see. Of course I had learned all this from him. I guess I kept on with my story in some made up language that made complete sense to me. Needless to say, Timi got a three day vacation from hell at school to hell at home. Parents were not too happy to hear I was suspended for suspected drug use. Who me? I do believe my folks learned some Spanish when they picked me up at school. Not a whole lot of Spanish used in Olympia, WA in the early 80's, but an abundance of mushrooms.

  13. #13
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
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    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by TopTimi
    Too many to remember, but here is a short recolection.

    Jr. year in high school lunch hour was usually our time to get a big 'ol buzz on to endure the rest of the day. One such day, my friend Miguel and I picked happy mushrooms and ate them along the way. Well, a little bit into Spanish class the full effect was rolling through my veins. It seemed now I could really understand everything in Spanish. The teacher had asked everyone to stand up one by one and say what they did/ate for lunch. I found out that not only could I understand everything, I could also speak fluently with all the proper mannerisms and accent. Everyone was rolling with laughter except the teacher. My freind Miguel (an exchange student from Spain and class T.A.) was peaking as well. He told me that I had mentioned getting drunk and eating alot of pussy while filming it for the class to see. Of course I had learned all this from him. I guess I kept on with my story in some made up language that made complete sense to me. Needless to say, Timi got a three day vacation from hell at school to hell at home. Parents were not too happy to hear I was suspended for suspected drug use. Who me? I do believe my folks learned some Spanish when they picked me up at school. Not a whole lot of Spanish used in Olympia, WA in the early 80's, but an abundance of mushrooms.
    Making up a new language while intoxed...Classic...scary thing is, I can do it cold-stoned sober; and not remember it...YIKES
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


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  14. #14
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TopTimi
    Too many to remember, but here is a short recolection.

    Jr. year in high school lunch hour was usually our time to get a big 'ol buzz on to endure the rest of the day. One such day, my friend Miguel and I picked happy mushrooms and ate them along the way. Well, a little bit into Spanish class the full effect was rolling through my veins. It seemed now I could really understand everything in Spanish. The teacher had asked everyone to stand up one by one and say what they did/ate for lunch. I found out that not only could I understand everything, I could also speak fluently with all the proper mannerisms and accent. Everyone was rolling with laughter except the teacher. My freind Miguel (an exchange student from Spain and class T.A.) was peaking as well. He told me that I had mentioned getting drunk and eating alot of pussy while filming it for the class to see. Of course I had learned all this from him. I guess I kept on with my story in some made up language that made complete sense to me. Needless to say, Timi got a three day vacation from hell at school to hell at home. Parents were not too happy to hear I was suspended for suspected drug use. Who me? I do believe my folks learned some Spanish when they picked me up at school. Not a whole lot of Spanish used in Olympia, WA in the early 80's, but an abundance of mushrooms.
    Fuck.....last thing that made me laugh that hard was "Harold and Kumar". LOL Great story!
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

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  15. #15
    Eruption timmac's Avatar
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    11.25.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    I'll post the same story from the hacked thread, since Lord knows I've never done something like THIS twice in my life....

    Junior year in high school, my Dad drives me up to Chicago to hang out with my brother at his fraternity house for the weekend. Dad and I have dinner beforehand, where I show a 20 piece chicken McNuggets, large fry, and a diet Coke that it doesn't stand a chance. Once I get to my brother's rat infested hellhole on Lake Michigan, I'm immediately handed a 750 of Cuervo and told that it's a tequila party.

    What's a tequila party? Well, you have your own bottle for the night, and you go from room to room, visiting everyone, and doing a different tequila drink each room. One might be snakebites, another upside down margaritas, tequila poppers, etc. About halfway thru the night, my brother bums my last $5 off me to get a hit of acid.

    Everything's going well until it all catches up with me. Last thing I remember is me praying to the porcelain god while my tripping brother pats me on the back of the head - hard enough that my nose almost hits water level - each time I heave, telling me "It'll be all right!"

    I didn't drink tequila again for 7 years. The smell alone was enough to make me go.
    Nothing to see here.

 

 

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