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  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    06.27.05
    Age
    35
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    To Hell and back ~ 26.2 miles
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

    Mean Street
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    A little end of year humor

    Dear Friends,

    As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
    you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
    past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

    Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
    envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal
    an envelope.

    Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
    toilet stains.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
    pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
    buffalo on a hot day.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
    perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
    since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
    number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
    Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
    replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
    now have their recipe.

    I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
    angels looking out for me.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
    forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
    about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

    I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
    receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
    their special email program.

    Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
    return the favor!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
    minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on
    your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it
    actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
    ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    LOL - I think I recieved every one of these as email this year
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  3. #3
    Hang 'Em High perticelli's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.07.03
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,658
    Favorite VH Album

    fair warning, women & children
    Favorite VH Song

    unchained,take your whiskey
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    11.30.15 @ 02:22 PM
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    ha, me too!!
    good one
    Eddie is the greatest, period

    The Unofficial VHLinks RRHOF

    SkyyeFM-Radio without the Rules(Webpage)

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.12.00
    Location
    The US of A
    Posts
    16,463
    Favorite VH Album

    Women & Children First
    Favorite VH Song

    Fools/All things Halenized
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Liked 29 Times in 14 Posts


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    Finally some humor around here. That serious thread is getting to be a bit much.

    I've gotten a few of these myself. I try and not forward them but sometimes can't help it!!
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
    Join Date
    06.27.05
    Age
    35
    Location
    To Hell and back ~ 26.2 miles
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by smithjc
    I try and not forward them but sometimes can't help it!!
    LOL ~ I delete that crap asap!! Can't even open the ones that say ya gotta forward or you'll die. I'm not supersticious, but, ya know...
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
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    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    I get some of those every day!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  7. #7
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.09.03
    Age
    47
    Location
    EyeOhWuh
    Posts
    6,794
    Favorite VH Album

    The 1 that had that 1 song
    Favorite VH Song

    Runaround, MWM, MAM
    Last Online

    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
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    2
    Liked 9 Times in 4 Posts

    Default

    Fine; see if I ever send another email to any of you...ya ungreatful bastages.
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


    http://www.facebook.com/RedRockinMonkeyBoy

    CHILDREN OF "THE FOOT" UNITE

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
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    Liked 40 Times in 29 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

 

 

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