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  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing! Buckeye's Avatar
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    Default The 12 Days of Christmas

    The 12 Days of Christmas
    12/15/05
    Dearest John,
    I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

    With Deepest Love and Devotion,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/16/05
    Dearest John,
    Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine: two turtle doves! I am just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

    All My Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/17/05
    Dearest John,
    Oh! Aren’t you the extravagant one! Now, I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you’ve been too kind.

    Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/18/05
    Dear John,
    Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.

    Affectionately,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/19/05
    Dearest John,
    What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings; one for every finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

    All My Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/20/05
    Dear John,
    When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.

    Cordially,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/21/05
    John,
    What’s with you and those fucking birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of God damned joke is this? There’s bird shit all over the house, and they never stop with the racket. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny. So stop with those fucking birds.

    Sincerely,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/22/05
    O.K. Buster,
    I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s not enough with those birds and maids, but they had to bring their God damned cows. There is shit all over the lawn and I can’t move in my own house. Just lay off me, smart ass.

    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/23/05
    Hey! Shithead!
    What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s nine pipers playing. And shit do they play. They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset, and they’re stepping all over the screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

    You’ll Get Yours,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/24/05
    You Rotten Prick,
    Now there’s ten ladies dancing. I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building should be condemned. I am sicking the police on you.

    One Who Means It,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/24/05
    Listen Fuckhead!
    What’s with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. All twentythree of the birds are dead. They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.

    Your Sworn Enemy,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Law Offices
    Badger, Bender & Cahole
    303 Kayne St
    Chicago, IL

    12/25/05

    Dear Sir:
    This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you saw fir to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
    Cordially,
    Badger, Bender & Cahole

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    Default

    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  3. #3
    Outta Space Cowboy Scotty's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye
    What’s with you and those fucking birds?


    Good stuff.

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    Default



    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! Sunya's Avatar
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    Default

    I love it!!! BWAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain


    There's no one as smart as a gambler at the track putting thier last $10.00 on the longest shot of the day.

  6. #6
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Buckeye
    The 12 Days of Christmas
    12/15/05
    Dearest John,
    I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

    With Deepest Love and Devotion,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/16/05
    Dearest John,
    Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine: two turtle doves! I am just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

    All My Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/17/05
    Dearest John,
    Oh! Aren’t you the extravagant one! Now, I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you’ve been too kind.

    Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/18/05
    Dear John,
    Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.

    Affectionately,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/19/05
    Dearest John,
    What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings; one for every finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

    All My Love,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/20/05
    Dear John,
    When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.

    Cordially,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/21/05
    John,
    What’s with you and those fucking birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of God damned joke is this? There’s bird shit all over the house, and they never stop with the racket. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny. So stop with those fucking birds.

    Sincerely,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/22/05
    O.K. Buster,
    I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s not enough with those birds and maids, but they had to bring their God damned cows. There is shit all over the lawn and I can’t move in my own house. Just lay off me, smart ass.

    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/23/05
    Hey! Shithead!
    What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s nine pipers playing. And shit do they play. They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset, and they’re stepping all over the screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

    You’ll Get Yours,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/24/05
    You Rotten Prick,
    Now there’s ten ladies dancing. I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building should be condemned. I am sicking the police on you.

    One Who Means It,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12/24/05
    Listen Fuckhead!
    What’s with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. All twentythree of the birds are dead. They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.

    Your Sworn Enemy,
    Agnes
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Law Offices
    Badger, Bender & Cahole
    303 Kayne St
    Chicago, IL

    12/25/05

    Dear Sir:
    This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you saw fir to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
    Cordially,
    Badger, Bender & Cahole
    Gold! Fucking Gold!
    Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504401115
    YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/jedimasterkyle

    BOISE STATE BRONCOS! - They're awesome. Deal with it!

    11/16/04 - VAN HALEN in Boise, Idaho. Changed my life forever

    8/8/06 - Sammy Hagar and the Wabos w/Michael Anthony in Boise, Idaho. Sam and Mike still kick ass

  7. #7
    Baluchitherium
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    Good one...
    Rock the Red!!!

    "Give Doc the shotgun. They're less apt to get nervy if he's on the street howitzer."

    "Dying ain't much of a living, boy."

    Save a Terrapin - Fear a Turtle

  8. #8
    Sinner's Swing! Buckeye's Avatar
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    10.30.17 @ 01:16 PM
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    Default something similar

    Subject: Employee Christmas Party

    December 1st
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
    spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to
    sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
    Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can
    be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis
    Human Resources Director
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 2nd
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
    with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on
    we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
    employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
    Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis
    Human Resources Director
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 3rd
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
    Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
    request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
    Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts
    exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10
    is too much money.
    Patty Lewis
    Human Researchers Director
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 7th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
    dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
    allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
    men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower
    arrangement for the gay men's table.
    Happy now?
    Patty Lewis
    Human Racehorses Director
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 9th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
    Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
    there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
    Patty Lewis
    Human Ratraces
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 10th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
    party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at
    the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll
    get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
    tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
    them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha!
    I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
    The Bitch from Hell
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    December 14th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
    her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
    our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
    full pay.
    Terri Bishop
    Acting Human Resources Director

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    Default

    ROFLMAO!

    Funny but also sadly true...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  10. #10
    Baluchitherium loveevhsince79's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sixstring

    Funny but also sadly true...
    Especially when you read things like this:

    Cameron Diaz has been accused of being insensitive to the disabled.

    The “In Her Shoes” star, while discussing her awkward adolescence, confessed that she was so thin and unattractive other kids nicknamed her “Skeletor.”

    “I was wild, like an animal and I was kind of spastic, with my arms and legs going in all directions,” she said.

    That brought a sharp rebuke from Scope, a U.K. organization that represents people with cerebral palsy. “We are keen to remind Cameron Diaz that, as a role model, she should watch her language,” said a spokesman for Scope, according to IrelandOnLine. “Likening her ‘wild days’ to acting like a ‘spastic’ is extremely offensive to people with cerebral palsy and perpetuates negative assumptions about disabled people.”

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium KT's Avatar
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    Donor

    A Texan moves North

    Here's one of my all-time favorites. It's not about the holidays but IS about winter in the north. I never tire of reading this:

    A Texan Moves North

    Jan. 10: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. My wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

    Jan. 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

    Jan. 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

    Jan. 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. I went to a chiropractor and spent $145, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

    Jan. 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

    Jan. 15: 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

    Jan.16: Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

    Jan.17: Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and God knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to Texas!
    Meet me in Cabo!

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing! Sunya's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ktgiles
    Here's one of my all-time favorites. It's not about the holidays but IS about winter in the north. I never tire of reading this:

    A Texan Moves North

    Jan. 10: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. My wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

    Jan. 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

    Jan. 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

    Jan. 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. I went to a chiropractor and spent $145, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

    Jan. 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

    Jan. 15: 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

    Jan.16: Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

    Jan.17: Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and God knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to Texas!

    LMAO!! I thought it got cold and snowed in TX.
    "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain


    There's no one as smart as a gambler at the track putting thier last $10.00 on the longest shot of the day.

  13. #13
    Sinner's Swing! Sunya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loveevhsince79
    Especially when you read things like this:

    Cameron Diaz has been accused of being insensitive to the disabled.

    The “In Her Shoes” star, while discussing her awkward adolescence, confessed that she was so thin and unattractive other kids nicknamed her “Skeletor.”

    “I was wild, like an animal and I was kind of spastic, with my arms and legs going in all directions,” she said.

    That brought a sharp rebuke from Scope, a U.K. organization that represents people with cerebral palsy. “We are keen to remind Cameron Diaz that, as a role model, she should watch her language,” said a spokesman for Scope, according to IrelandOnLine. “Likening her ‘wild days’ to acting like a ‘spastic’ is extremely offensive to people with cerebral palsy and perpetuates negative assumptions about disabled people.”
    Oh for crying out loud.
    "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain


    There's no one as smart as a gambler at the track putting thier last $10.00 on the longest shot of the day.

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium KT's Avatar
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    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being,5150,WhenIt'sLove
    Last Online

    08.08.17 @ 07:44 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunya
    LMAO!! I thought it got cold and snowed in TX.
    Hell no! At least not where I'm from in Texas. Some areas of West Texas and North Texas get snow, but not southeast Texas and rarely in the hill country (where I'm from originally). Although, it was supposed to snow quite a bit in my hometown last Christmas Eve and we got NOTHING. However, in Houston and Galveston they got a few inches. That hadn't happened in many many many years!
    Meet me in Cabo!

  15. #15
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.08.03
    Age
    29
    Location
    Nampa, Idaho U.S.A
    Posts
    2,638
    Favorite VH Album

    5150, OU812, Balance, F.U.C.K
    Favorite VH Song

    Dont have one
    Last Online

    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by ktgiles
    Here's one of my all-time favorites. It's not about the holidays but IS about winter in the north. I never tire of reading this:

    A Texan Moves North

    Jan. 10: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. My wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

    Jan. 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

    Jan. 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

    Jan. 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. I went to a chiropractor and spent $145, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

    Jan. 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

    Jan. 15: 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

    Jan.16: Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

    Jan.17: Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and God knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to Texas!
    Thats awesome!
    Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504401115
    YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/jedimasterkyle

    BOISE STATE BRONCOS! - They're awesome. Deal with it!

    11/16/04 - VAN HALEN in Boise, Idaho. Changed my life forever

    8/8/06 - Sammy Hagar and the Wabos w/Michael Anthony in Boise, Idaho. Sam and Mike still kick ass

 

 

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