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  1. #1
    Good Enough Vince G.'s Avatar
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    09.21.15 @ 03:44 PM
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    Default Exclusive: David Lee Roth's Letter to the Staff of the Howard Stern Radio Show

    To: Staff of the Howard Stern Radio Show
    From: David Lee Roth (your new boss!)
    Re: Some Changes
    Date: October 26, 2005

    Dear Staff,

    By now you've heard that I, David Lee Roth, have been appointed Howard Stern's successor for the Howard Stern Radio Show.

    Maybe some of you read about it in the papers; others of you may have just seen me renovating Stern's office, replacing his furniture with six Marshall stack amps I like to call my "musical desk," and his iMac with a collection of vintage guitars I plan on assembling into the shape of the internet. How can I get on the internet, you ask, without the use of a "computer mouse"? Hey, here's a question for you: Who thought of calling that thing a mouse anyway, am I right? What's next, younger men having sex with older women and posting their exploits on websites? I bet they call it a mouse because it looks like a mouse.

    All I'm saying is: You have nothing to worry about with me, and things aren't going to change at all. I may not be the King of All Media, but I am the King of Allmusic. Take a look at that website and type in "David Lee Roth"--yeah that's right, I've influenced over ten different bands.

    And after several hours of discussing this with some EMT friends of mine, I've even decided to keep calling the show the "Howard Stern Radio Show." I know that sounds incredibly modest, especially after considering several fantastic suggestions, including " The Howard Stern Radio Show presented by David Lee Roth," the "David Lee Rothio Show," and my personal favorite, "Diamond Dave's Diamondz." The "diamondz" would have referred to the high quality conversations I would have with guests on the show.

    But let's just keep "Diamond Dave's Diamondz," which I would have nicknamed "D-cubed," to ourselves. Diamonds, as they say, are forever, just like the original name of this show.

    But will the Howard Stern Radio Show remain as provocative? Can DLR--that's me--KIT--that's "keep it titty"--? Well I'll admit I'm not as interested in women having sex with other women as Mr. Stern was--in fact, I didn't even realize this was a thing people could do.

    But I'll try my best here. Instead of people calling in and making orgasm sounds on the phone, maybe now we'll also talk to them about the real issues--about how orgasms are destroying our country. Instead of Jerry Seinfeld coming on the show and us ridiculing him mercilessly, maybe we'll let him tell us a few jokes--maybe I still think that guy's pretty goddamn hilarious. Maybe instead of lesbians who make out with other lesbians (again, wow--fucking wow), we'll have the two Van Halen brothers in the office, bickering like they always fucking do, and I'll get angry and try kill one of them.

    If none of that works, we have a secret weapon: Sammy "the Jokeman" Hagar. I've seen this guy say things backstage that were so funny he should have been arrested. Need some evidence? Here's a joke he wrote especially for this letter:

    A man walks into bar and looks at the jukebox--all the records in it are by Tom Petty and the Hearbreakers. "Hey," he says, "Do you have any other records besides Tom Petty in this jukebox?" "No," said the bartender. "It's a jewkebox." --by Sammy Hagar

    Most people don't know that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers were Jewish. But have no fear. This transition's going to be painfree. It's not like I'm going to say "Jump!" and you're gonna say "How high?" If anything, it's going to be me saying "Jamie's crying," and you're gonna say, "whah whuuuuh"--but in a funny guitar voice.

    See you December!

    David Lee Roth

    Posted by Nick Sylvester at 05:00 PM, October 26, 2005
    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

    "This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen. ."

    "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."

    -George Carlin 1937 - 2008

  2. #2
    Eruption AJHV's Avatar
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    08.29.11 @ 11:46 AM
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    Sorry but this is old news. And fake letter
    Live by the VH attitude, die by the VH attitude.

    "What do you wanna do with your life?


    Alex Van Halen "THE BEATLES will never get back together and David Lee Roth will never again sing with VAN HALEN."
    the way it should have been link below:

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk TheresOnlyOneWay's Avatar
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    05.25.18 @ 01:50 PM
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    I'm in!
    Sammy did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    Michael did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    IAMA I am a stage hand for big mainstream artists. (self.IAmA)

    Q: who was the biggest douche that you have worked with?

    A: Eddie Van Halen hands down he threatened all the stage hands that if we wernt all pushed to the side when he got off stage that he would "bash our faces in"

    Now the new David-Lee-Roth-Van Halen album, “Tokyo Dome In Concert,” is available for purchase, and it’s super, super, super, super, super, super, crazy bad. - Doug Elfman

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
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    01.18.18 @ 12:24 PM
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    welcome to the DejaVH Links!

  5. #5
    Pope Of Greenwich Village SuckaInA3Piece's Avatar
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    08.28.17 @ 02:27 PM
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    "It's always a Catch-22 situation. They hate you if you're the same, and they hate you if you're different."
    ~Eddie Van Halen~

    "The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, and then turns into a pizza."
    ~David Lee Roth~




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