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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Why The Kevin Federline Album MUST Fail.

    In the early years of the 21s Century, America and western society at large has been under threat of destruction from both external and internal forces. Al Qaeda/Militant Islam, rapid economic change, fiscally corrupt billion-dollr companies, conspiracies from the vice President's office and the Bird Flu Pandemic. Unfortunately, these all pale to what is probably the darkest evil ever to be unleashed onto mankind.

    Yes, I'm talking about the new Kevin Federline album.

    It is the kind of evil that has made me question the existance of a loving God. If by some act of supreme devilry this album goes platinum there will be mass suicide, followed by the kind of anarchy only hinted at in ancient text.

    Here's the thing, if his album goes gold, it's unparalelled-suckiness will diminish all music.

    Example:

    K-Fed....500,000 copies

    Van Halen 3.....500,000 copies

    VH3 = Kevin Federline

    I know, you'll need a second...I'll wait....

    Okay, I know you're saying "Come on, Axx, VH3 is an easy target", but it get's worse. What if it goes Platinum? I know...you'll need another second.
    What that means is that from here on out, the first million sales of any artist, U2, the Beatles, Nirvana, Judas Priest or Paul Simon will no longer count. The industry will haqve to throw everything out and come up with a new system because Federline is going to fuck it all up.

    Example:

    Van Halen reunites with Dave, puts out an album. It sells 1 million copies.

    K-Fed's 1st album sells 1 million copies.

    Van Halen w/Dave = Kevin Federline.

    I mean, why even listen to music any more?

    Plus, what does this say about society when Federline sells even two copies? It won't be a sign or a signal, it will be verification that Mankind has advanced as far as it ever will and de-evolution will commence. In fact Devo sang about Federline in their song "Mongoloid", no one knew.

    My friends, this is as close we've ever come to seeing the end of the world.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  2. #2
    Atomic Punk fast98dodge's Avatar
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    08.07.17 @ 08:14 PM
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    There must be something regarding this event in the Book of Revelations. The end is getting nearer...

    I agree, he must be stopped!

    Where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you really need him???
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  3. #3
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Do ya really think this shit will turn up as a tiny blip on the radar?

    I'm sure I will sleep fine tonight.
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  4. #4
    Atomic Punk fast98dodge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum
    Do ya really think this shit will turn up as a tiny blip on the radar?

    I'm sure I will sleep fine tonight.

    So ya buying the album or what??? You know you want to switch formats in honor of Mr. Spears... (okay, now I've gone too far...sorry...)
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  5. #5
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by fast98dodge
    So ya buying the album or what??? You know you want to switch formats in honor of Mr. Spears... (okay, now I've gone too far...sorry...)

    I will in fact be doing an entire two hours in honor of Mr. Federline's debut effort.

    Does he have two hours worth of music?
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  6. #6
    Atomic Punk fast98dodge's Avatar
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    Dude, you forgot the quotation marks around the word music...
    Last edited by fast98dodge; 11.05.05 at 05:58 PM.
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  7. #7
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by fast98dodge
    Dude, you forgot the quotation marks around the word music...

    Hey buddy, now that's what I call music.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

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  8. #8
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    Axx, you're an unwitting pawn in the crap music conspiracy, my friend...IGNORE HIM and he will go away...
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by SactoFan
    Axx, you're an unwitting pawn in the crap music conspiracy, my friend...IGNORE HIM and he will go away...

    You mean like Madonna went away?

    Or like how Rap has gone away?

    I'm just sounding the alarm. The fact that he sucks old-goat-ass is no gaurantee that the album will fail.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


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  10. #10
    Good Enough LittleGuitars99's Avatar
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    12.23.05 @ 12:07 PM
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    Even though the marriage is a joke from day one, I would love to see this thing go through the roof, imagine this album going huge the he dumps her ass, followed by all of his other albums going huge as well and she ends up washed up ( I mean there is a better chance of Paw sporting a JD Fortune t-shirt) but it would look good on Britney..Never mess with White Trash.
    "So what's your story? Any tread left on the tires? Or is it like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?" Stewie Griffin

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  11. #11
    5150 dropped-d's Avatar
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    12.12.17 @ 08:53 PM
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    REV:9-10

    Quote Originally Posted by fast98dodge
    There must be something regarding this event in the Book of Revelations. The end is getting nearer...

    I agree, he must be stopped!

    Where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you really need him???
    I nominate John Gacy or Jeffery Dahmer, er, too late

    agree with the apocalyptic overtones- tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, white sox sweeping the series .. scary stuff

  12. #12
    Unchained gavs5150's Avatar
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    05.09.15 @ 09:17 PM
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    K-Fed makes me wish that Snow would make a comeback.

  13. #13
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
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    12.20.16 @ 03:09 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by gavs5150
    K-Fed makes me wish that Snow would make a comeback.

    A snow and vanilla ice duet featuring clay aiken???

  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
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    Will anybody be posting the K-fed bootlegs on Jam to This? Lossless format only please!

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk Viking's Avatar
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    11.02.17 @ 09:45 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by fast98dodge
    There must be something regarding this event in the Book of Revelations. The end is getting nearer...

    I agree, he must be stopped!

    Where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you really need him???
    Just get him in an open limo going through Cherryvale, KS., and I'll see what I can do. A slingshot and some paintballs would be kind of fun.
    "Viking - last to sleep, first to rise, last to leave, that's how the Nords of old rocked the house." ~ timmac in the 'Texas Linkers' thread talking about yours truly. :-)

 

 

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