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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    12.11.17 @ 04:37 PM
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    Default sex and calories

    It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise,
    but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the
    calorie content of different sexual activities. Now
    after "original and proprietary" research the results are
    in:

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent...............................12 Calories
    Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands................................8 Calories
    With one hand.................................12 Calories
    With your teeth..............................485 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
    With an erection...............................6 Calories
    Without an erection.........................3315 Calories

    PRELIMINARIES:
    Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary......................................12 Calories
    69 lying down..................................78 Calories
    69 standing up................................812 Calories
    Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
    Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
    Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

    ORGASMS:
    Real..........................................112 Calories
    Fake.........................................1315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed
    hugging........................................... .......18
    Calories
    Getting up
    immediately....................................... .......36
    Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816
    Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
    If you are:
    20-29 years....................................36 Calories
    30-39 years....................................80 Calories
    40-49 years...................................124 Calories
    50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
    60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
    70 and over..............................Results are still
    pending

    DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly.........................................32 Calories
    In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
    "Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.” -- Gen. George S. Patton

  2. #2
    On Fire EVH Army's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by voivod
    With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
    How amazing that this ends up being the big calorie burner.
    "I am the party" ~David Lee Roth

    Quote Originally Posted by Elwood P.
    Uhura: Mr. Spock, what happened?
    Spock: The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted with the arm of the chair.

  3. #3
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by voivod
    It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise,
    but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the
    calorie content of different sexual activities. Now
    after "original and proprietary" research the results are
    in:

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent...............................12 Calories
    Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands................................8 Calories
    With one hand.................................12 Calories
    With your teeth..............................485 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
    With an erection...............................6 Calories
    Without an erection.........................3315 Calories

    PRELIMINARIES:
    Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary......................................12 Calories
    69 lying down..................................78 Calories
    69 standing up................................812 Calories
    Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
    Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
    Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

    ORGASMS:
    Real..........................................112 Calories
    Fake.........................................1315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed
    hugging........................................... .......18
    Calories
    Getting up
    immediately....................................... .......36
    Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816
    Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
    If you are:
    20-29 years....................................36 Calories
    30-39 years....................................80 Calories
    40-49 years...................................124 Calories
    50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
    60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
    70 and over..............................Results are still
    pending

    DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly.........................................32 Calories
    In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
    I dont care if thats true or not, thats just dam funny!
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  4. #4
    Eruption blacknblue's Avatar
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    09.13.06 @ 09:37 PM
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    Default

    So where is the calorie count for females?

    Does sucking a cock for 15 minutes counter the calories you take in?

    And as a corollary, does eating pussy make up for the calories ingested there?

    {C'mon! You knew I couldn't leave this one alone!]
    Last edited by blacknblue; 10.20.05 at 08:45 PM.
    Honey, I ain't through with you!

    GO ILLINI!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    The way you put things is just tacky.
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk BREW CREW's Avatar
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    08.27.17 @ 09:39 AM
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    Default

    Pornagraffitti. Sex on the brain.
    Just go for it!

  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing! Darkstar's Avatar
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    12.04.14 @ 11:23 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blacknblue
    So where is the calorie count for females?

    Does sucking a cock for 15 minutes counter the calories you take in?

    And as a corollary, does eating pussy make up for the calories ingested there?

    {C'mon! You knew I couldn't leave this one alone!]

    The hell with seenbad, blacknblue, the way you put things is a turn on!!!!
    Love should NOT be work, it should be as easy as breathing Dave's Dreidel

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  8. #8
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Whatevuh gets your porpose shiny bud.

    Shouldn't you be hunting by now?
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  9. #9
    Hang 'Em High janthraxx's Avatar
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    11.18.14 @ 07:57 PM
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    Default

    Come on seen, if a nanny said the exact same words you'd blow your load!
    "Suck a fat one, faggot."
    -MikeL, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    "You may recognize some of these chemicals. Let's start with cyanide...The one the Aum Shinrikyo cult attempted to use to commit mass murder in a Tokyo subway in May 1995...The same cyanide produced routinely--1.4 million tons per year--for use in the production of plastics, adhesives, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and so on. It seems that those who put small amounts of cyanide in subways are terrorists. But those who produce it in mass quantities and contaminate broad reaches of soil, water, and air, killing countless living beings, are not terrorists, but rather capitalists, and are counted among the finest and most powerful people on the planet."

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    "You know what's weird to me is Christians who are against the death penalty. After all, if it weren't for the death penalty, we wouldn't celebrate Easter!"

    -the late, great, Bill Hicks

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk stilleddiesangel's Avatar
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    08.25.17 @ 05:45 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by janthraxx
    Come on seen, if a nanny said the exact same words you'd blow your load!
    Tssk tssk! Nanny doesn't talk like that!! She just tells him to bend over to get his botty spanked and to go sit on the naughty step!

    Last edited by stilleddiesangel; 10.21.05 at 01:01 AM.
    ****Texas - Home Of My Heart****

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  11. #11
    Hang 'Em High sickman's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 03:21 AM
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    I think I burned about 4000 calories last night then! I thought I remembered hearing a Dr. Ruth show years ago where they said you burn 500 calories or more during sex. I guess it depends on how long you go.
    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  12. #12
    Good Enough SassyLassy's Avatar
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    04.27.16 @ 06:28 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by stilleddiesangel
    Tssk tssk! Nanny doesn't talk like that!! She just tells him to bend over to get his botty spanked and to go sit on the naughty step!


    Supper Nanny!!
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  13. #13
    Wear the fox hat... Filthy 150's Avatar
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    10.16.17 @ 11:43 AM
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    Premium Member

    Default

    What the hell is the Italian Chandelier?
    "Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women."
    Quint- Boat Captain
    --------------------------------------------------


    "As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly"
    Arthur Carlson- Radio Station GM
    --------------------------------------------------


    "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! "
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  14. #14
    Top Of The World van_5150_halen's Avatar
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    05.04.10 @ 09:01 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Filthy 150
    What the hell is the Italian Chandelier?
    Yo brother, let me educate you. Give it a try!

    This position is also know as the "Three Eyed Dog Moose Position"...


  15. #15
    Eruption blacknblue's Avatar
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    09.13.06 @ 09:37 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar
    The hell with seenbad, blacknblue, the way you put things is a turn on!!!!
    Thanks! Hey, I've been to New Hampshire. It's beautiful!

    Sorry to offend some with my graphic post (about consensual and incredible sex), but I personally find the thought of the following more offensive:

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    Without her consent..........................2187 Calories
    Honey, I ain't through with you!

    GO ILLINI!!!!!!!

 

 

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