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  1. #1
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    12.06.01
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    45
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    Yuma, AZ
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    2,056
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
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    Unchained
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    07.27.07 @ 01:06 PM
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    Default REALLY Long Day Today...

    Hey guy's and girl's, I had about the longest most frustrating day in years today.

    Some of you know that im a Marine, im going on 14 years active service right now. It's actually about to end because I developed "Exercise Induced Compartment Syndrome" in my lower left leg, basically the clear tissue that surrounds your muscles is there to allow blood flow during workouts or any kind of strenuous activity, mine doesn't do that (mostly because of to much sports and stuff), it actually constricts the blood flow and causes a huge amount of pain. I had a Fasciotomy Jan 31'st but it didn't solve the problem, they actually severed a nerve in my leg while they were in there so in reality it's a lot worse then it was before they opened me up. I get a lot of sympathy at work from my friends because of all this, 14 years and it's all over just like that, I try to make it look like it's not a big deal but it really is. It bother's me because I kinda identify myself with what I do, it's really not that glamorous, im not a grunt or anything, just an admin guy but it's what I do.

    Anyway, the reason why im writing this is because I had to get up at 3 a.m. today to drive up to Camp Pendelton. I had to attend a "Medical Transition Due To Disability" class, it's going on 7 p.m. right now so im working on a 16 hour day while im writing this. I don't recall complaining about having to go all the way up to San Diego for something that I should have been able to do here, actually im careful that I don't complain about any of this and there's a reason for that. Out of the 20 Marines that where in the class today, myself and 2 other's where the only one's there due to an injury not related to the war in Iraq, and not one of those men where over 21. These guys are the "lucky" one's you hear about on TV, when you listen/watch a news report about an IED that injured 10 Soldier's/Marines but thankfully didn't kill anyone or only managed to kill one or two of the 10 involved. And honestly they are lucky when compared to a lot of other's that have shared similar experience's. I just feel so horrible right now, im going to be taken care of much better then these guys because of the amount of time I have in, they get some perk's like tax free money and stuff, but it's not comparable to what I could get, it's and eye opener talking to a 20 year old person that has shrapnel still lodged in his body but they can't remove it because it's near to many vital organs. I have had to make the trip up to San Diego from Yuma more then a few times in the last couple of year's, so this isn't nearly the first time experiencing any of this, but it really got to me today (I guess it get's to me every time but I just don't write about it). Young people shouldn't have jagged metal lodged in there body, and they shouldn't have to bring there young wife with them to take notes and sign there name for them because there capacity to understand is diminished because of a head injury (bullet wound). It happens because that's how the world operates right now, that's just an ugly fact.

    I have lost a couple of friends over there (not close friends but people I would talk to whenever I see them on the street or out in town), but somehow that's not as bad as this (it's actually much worse for the families and close friends), they deploy out and then later you hear that something happened and there gone, you attend a memorial service on the base and that's it, your not reminded of them every single day. I wonder why every time I go up to San Diego it just kick's me in the ass like this, I think I just hate to see good young people injured (that's not saying a lot, im sure everyone hates to see that). I guess I just feel guilty because im one of them yet im getting off so lite, I didn't get to go over to Iraq because im not deployable due to this fuck'n injury, I just feel lacking when in the same room as these guys, im humbled. But then again I wouldn't have met my fiancé if I deployed out with everyone else, I wouldn't have the life I have right now, im lucky and I hate it. This is a great time for me, im getting married in April, this leg nightmare is coming to an end, im taking some college classes and im on track to start doing something else without to much up heave, yet there's a small part of me that resents all of it, especially after day's like today. The strangest thing is that im going to miss having this feeling because over time I lose track of just how lucky I am, I bet next week ill be complaining to myself because my girlfriend is dragging me around the stores shopping and I just want to sit down because my leg hurt's, but I don't want to tell her because I don't like her to see stuff like that, not if I can help it.

    Oh well, that's it, there wasn't any point to all of this, just wanted to get it out. I appreciate having a place like this, the people that frequent it, my dog's, my guitars, the fact that the Cardinals won game one of the NLDS (despite Izzy), and bunch of other stuff.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.07.00
    Age
    47
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    The Tiki Bar...
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    9,524
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen 2
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    Dance the Night Away
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    Default

    Willy, while your feelings are totally understandable, you need to try and ditch your guilt. You are a volunteer and I'm grateful for you and all of our volunteer military. But, you didn't do anything duplicitous to be in your situation. The leg just won't work and there's no one to blame for it. Men and women in our future will volunteer and they all have different destinies...but they volunteered to make the biggest sacrifice, if necessary. Most make it...others don't.

    Think of the guys at Normandy or in Vietnam who came back after seeing their friends die. Or the guys who got to go home due to injury...My point is that your feelings are genuine, but you are certainly not alone.

    You identify yourself as a Marine...to paraphrase Springsteen, you "wear the cross of your calling." Part of your calling is putting yourself at risk. You didn't die and your leg gave out and you just can't go...That has nothing to do with your desire to serve or your worth or the worth of 14 years in the Corps. You just can't go. And while you may feel sorry for the injured, as we all do, you have to remember that you have served since most of those guys were in sixth grade. You served well and honorably and get to leave the Corps in one piece...

    The rest is stuff you can't control or take responsibility for...
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
    Join Date
    06.27.05
    Age
    35
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    To Hell and back ~ 26.2 miles
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    Default

    Wow. Don't know what to say other than I understand your frustrations. Vent here anytime. It helps. Good luck
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:31 PM
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    I remember when I was separating from the USAF. It was a curious mix of emotions. I'd only been there for four years, but it was (and is) a large part of me. It was so odd go through the separation briefings, and they didn't have much value to me. They seemed to be designed much more for those who'd spent a longer period of time in the service. The part of it that I remember most was the sense of isolation during my last two days. Having been stationed at Fort Knox, I had to do all of my out-processing at WPAFB in Dayton. Talk about feeling like a stranger in a strange land... I'd spent a little time there in the past, but it wasn't the same.

    I got out, and moved back to MN. I had a month to sit around before I started working and going to school, and I just about went nuts out of boredom. It was the beginning of winter, so I was stuck inside for the most part. All of the little rituals you get used to are gone. It takes some adjustment.

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium loveevhsince79's Avatar
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    10.23.15 @ 04:49 PM
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    Do not feel guilty. You answered a calling to protect our country not knowing at the time what the future held but you did it anyway. You were willing, should the need arise, to do what was necessary. And while it did not end up being sent to Iraq, everyone's role is important to make the machine work.

    We appreciate your courage doing a job that so many would never consider and often times do not appreciate.

    Semper Fi.

 

 

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