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Thread: Some advice...

  1. #1
    Baluchitherium Rovus's Avatar
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    Default Some advice...

    Okay, sorry to dig up another thread when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex...but I'd appreciate any tips from people who think they can understand the female mind.

    Basically, a year ago, I briefly went out with this girl who I met at a bar one night and all of a sudden we departed on very weird terms. Her name is Sarah and when I met her, I wasn't really out to pick up or anything that night and my mate and I started strucking up a conversation with her and her friend. After a few drinks, naturally we start to get a bit flirty and smoochy with each other. She told me at the time, that she was going through the typical "I hate men" phase after a bitter breakup and according to her, I restored her faith in mankind lol, but really I was just being myself and friendly towards her. Eventually, my mate wanted to leave and since he was my designated driver for the night, I told her I had to make tracks. There she was very nervous and told me if she wanted to catch up "for dinner or a date". Since I was a good 4 years younger than her, I was a just a tad shocked by it, and it showed in my reaction, because I wasn't really sure if I wanted a relationship yet. That's just typical me. I'm the type who also thinks I might not wanna get married, at least not at this age. Her reaction was somewhat of embarrasment and she sort of stepped away and pretended not to worry about, and so I felt bad for reacting like that. I thought she was pretty cute, as I have a thing for older women, and she seemed quite a decent person, so I said to myself "give her a try" and agreed to catch up with her again. We exchanged numbers and ended up calling her for a date the next weekend.

    She worked irregular hours, sometimes on weekends, and not the usual 9-5 type jobs. So we managed to arrange a time on a Sunday afternoon at a pub by the beach. I was on detox cleansing diet at the time and I wasn't drinking, but I let her drink though. We had a great night together and got along really well, being both Sagitarrians. I ended up dropping her home at the crack of midnight and since she had a few drinks, she got a bit flirty with me again so we ended up having a full makeout session in the car. I think she was up for going that little bit further, but since I was sober and was also starting a new job next day and had to get up early, I didn't let it come to that. I dropped her off and she phoned me up to say she had a great time also.

    Now this is when things started to get a little weird. I had a few good talks with her on the phone and was really starting to like her more. But as the more conversations we had, our conversation seemed to getting dull. She didn't seem to be much of a talker and I sensed she was still pretty insecure and I was still little nervous to. I thought well another date together should squash any nerves both either of us had. But since she was working all around the place and was given allocated weekly timetables, and since I was pretty flexible with my time, I told her to let me know when she wanted to catch up because it was all up for her to say what days she was free. Eventually, I would end up texting her asking if she wanted to catch up on this weekend and she would say that she was busy and couldn't make it and I was okay with it. The next weekend I still wouldn't get a call or anything from her so I would again end up texting her again asking if she was free and wanted to catch. Again, it was another working excuse. I was still cool with it. But then when I texted her again and after a week I didn't get a reply, I took that she wasn't interested anymore and accepted it. But then a week later, she replied back, saying that her phone had been out of credit, and then asked if we wanted to catch up to go the beach maybe together on that coming weekend. I said that would be great and would call her. I called the day before the day and there was no answer, nor did she have a message service. So I rang her on the day and again she didn't pick up. Starting to get very impatient at this point, also cause I was still detoxing, I decided to ring her house phone and left a message for her. A few hours later, she texted me back saying she was forced to work and told me to have a great weekend. At that point, I was starting to have enough of it and didn't bother ringing anymore. About 2 weeks later, my birthday came up and she still hadn't rung me and didn't bother saying "Happy Birthday" or anything. She knew when my birthday was, as hers was about 6 days after mine. After a few beers that night, I decided to send her one text message cutting straight to the point, being a little emotional about it, but I worded it appropriately so as not to cause offence. Eventually, the next day she replied back saying how she was sorry couldn't wish me a Happy Birthday and was forced to work 2 jobs that day. It seemed everything was an excuse for her. I understood if she was busy with work and everything but at this point it had gone one 2 months since I last saw her face to face. So I asked her if I could call her at lunch time when I was free from work and she said it was okay, since I still had feelings for her. Lunch time came and I couldn't be bothered calling her trying to sort these things out and everyone at work, both male and female, were telling me to let it go that she's just not right. The end of the day came and so she ended up ringing me and I began to try and discuss our situation, since she was the one who I asked me out and was ying yanging me around like this, and she just didn't seem to understand and she sounded very lifeless on the other end of the line. I couldn't bring myself to ask again if she wanted to catch up again cause I had thrown the ball in her court so many times. So the conversation ended very weird, a little bitter. Finally, my last act was I texted her for the last time, to say that I liked her alot and if she didn't want to see me again then that was fine and I wished her well. I know, I'm just a stupid fool.

    Well, just 2 weeks ago, she texted me again to say the typcial, "Hi, how you going, hope you're doing well" type of thing which shocked the hell out of me. It had been almost a year since we've made contact and not only that, after all that stuff I went through, it bummed me big-time even many months later. I only just got over it fully just recently. Even when I would go out with mates, I wouldn't show much interest when they would try to hook me up with some bimbo. I replied back, since I had a shitty weekend, and her message did cheer me up a little. So we ended up having a catch up conversation, while me forgetting about the frustration she put me through. After about a good dozen texts back on forth to each, she finished off with, "Bye, take care, and maybe c u soon." I immediately took that as an offer, since I hadn't seen her in a year, and so decided if she wanted to catch up for a drink, to let me know. After I sent that, I thought that was a bit too forward, and was kicking myself over it. Just yesterday she replied back taking up my offer for a "drink" and now I'm starting to have such mixed feelings about this. I wouldn't have been so serious about posting this, but I did have strong feelings for this girl at the time and you might say, I fell for her and ultimately it took me a long time to try and erase her from my memory...and now she's coming back to me like this. The fact that even after all this time, she's still kept my number definitely says something to me that she holds a place somewhere for me. Also since I beared no ill feelings towards her, since we didn't have any type of conflict or anything and she was never the bitchy type or anything to me but just downright strange and unpredictable.

    I've agreed to catch up with her, most likely next week or week after, but only for old times sake and I'm gonna take this very very slowly and not gonna open up a great deal for her. I really don't even know what I'm gonna say to her when I see her? I've always took it as she could've been someone, who at the time, who had certain issues and now she could be a changed person. But I dunno.

    Any advice from anyone, especially the females who know better (Heather?) or those who've been through something like this before would be much appreciated. I think the way I'm going is just to do her then leave it be. Sorry for turning this into such a novel lol.
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  2. #2
    Baluchitherium Texas Poundcake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rovus
    Okay, sorry to dig up another thread when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex...but I'd appreciate any tips from people who think they can understand the female mind.

    Basically, a year ago, I briefly went out with this girl who I met at a bar one night and all of a sudden we departed on very weird terms. Her name is Sarah and when I met her, I wasn't really out to pick up or anything that night and my mate and I started strucking up a conversation with her and her friend. After a few drinks, naturally we start to get a bit flirty and smoochy with each other. She told me at the time, that she was going through the typical "I hate men" phase after a bitter breakup and according to her, I restored her faith in mankind lol, but really I was just being myself and friendly towards her. Eventually, my mate wanted to leave and since he was my designated driver for the night, I told her I had to make tracks. There she was very nervous and told me if she wanted to catch up "for dinner or a date". Since I was a good 4 years younger than her, I was a just a tad shocked by it, and it showed in my reaction, because I wasn't really sure if I wanted a relationship yet. That's just typical me. I'm the type who also thinks I might not wanna get married, at least not at this age. Her reaction was somewhat of embarrasment and she sort of stepped away and pretended not to worry about, and so I felt bad for reacting like that. I thought she was pretty cute, as I have a thing for older women, and she seemed quite a decent person, so I said to myself "give her a try" and agreed to catch up with her again. We exchanged numbers and ended up calling her for a date the next weekend.

    She worked irregular hours, sometimes on weekends, and not the usual 9-5 type jobs. So we managed to arrange a time on a Sunday afternoon at a pub by the beach. I was on detox cleansing diet at the time and I wasn't drinking, but I let her drink though. We had a great night together and got along really well, being both Sagitarrians. I ended up dropping her home at the crack of midnight and since she had a few drinks, she got a bit flirty with me again so we ended up having a full makeout session in the car. I think she was up for going that little bit further, but since I was sober and was also starting a new job next day and had to get up early, I didn't let it come to that. I dropped her off and she phoned me up to say she had a great time also.

    Now this is when things started to get a little weird. I had a few good talks with her on the phone and was really starting to like her more. But as the more conversations we had, our conversation seemed to getting dull. She didn't seem to be much of a talker and I sensed she was still pretty insecure and I was still little nervous to. I thought well another date together should squash any nerves both either of us had. But since she was working all around the place and was given allocated weekly timetables, and since I was pretty flexible with my time, I told her to let me know when she wanted to catch up because it was all up for her to say what days she was free. Eventually, I would end up texting her asking if she wanted to catch up on this weekend and she would say that she was busy and couldn't make it and I was okay with it. The next weekend I still wouldn't get a call or anything from her so I would again end up texting her again asking if she was free and wanted to catch. Again, it was another working excuse. I was still cool with it. But then when I texted her again and after a week I didn't get a reply, I took that she wasn't interested anymore and accepted it. But then a week later, she replied back, saying that her phone had been out of credit, and then asked if we wanted to catch up to go the beach maybe together on that coming weekend. I said that would be great and would call her. I called the day before the day and there was no answer, nor did she have a message service. So I rang her on the day and again she didn't pick up. Starting to get very impatient at this point, also cause I was still detoxing, I decided to ring her house phone and left a message for her. A few hours later, she texted me back saying she was forced to work and told me to have a great weekend. At that point, I was starting to have enough of it and didn't bother ringing anymore. About 2 weeks later, my birthday came up and she still hadn't rung me and didn't bother saying "Happy Birthday" or anything. She knew when my birthday was, as hers was about 6 days after mine. After a few beers that night, I decided to send her one text message cutting straight to the point, being a little emotional about it, but I worded it appropriately so as not to cause offence. Eventually, the next day she replied back saying how she was sorry couldn't wish me a Happy Birthday and was forced to work 2 jobs that day. It seemed everything was an excuse for her. I understood if she was busy with work and everything but at this point it had gone one 2 months since I last saw her face to face. So I asked her if I could call her at lunch time when I was free from work and she said it was okay, since I still had feelings for her. Lunch time came and I couldn't be bothered calling her trying to sort these things out and everyone at work, both male and female, were telling me to let it go that she's just not right. The end of the day came and so she ended up ringing me and I began to try and discuss our situation, since she was the one who I asked me out and was ying yanging me around like this, and she just didn't seem to understand and she sounded very lifeless on the other end of the line. I couldn't bring myself to ask again if she wanted to catch up again cause I had thrown the ball in her court so many times. So the conversation ended very weird, a little bitter. Finally, my last act was I texted her for the last time, to say that I liked her alot and if she didn't want to see me again then that was fine and I wished her well. I know, I'm just a stupid fool.

    Well, just 2 weeks ago, she texted me again to say the typcial, "Hi, how you going, hope you're doing well" type of thing which shocked the hell out of me. It had been almost a year since we've made contact and not only that, after all that stuff I went through, it bummed me big-time even many months later. I only just got over it fully just recently. Even when I would go out with mates, I wouldn't show much interest when they would try to hook me up with some bimbo. I replied back, since I had a shitty weekend, and her message did cheer me up a little. So we ended up having a catch up conversation, while me forgetting about the frustration she put me through. After about a good dozen texts back on forth to each, she finished off with, "Bye, take care, and maybe c u soon." I immediately took that as an offer, since I hadn't seen her in a year, and so decided if she wanted to catch up for a drink, to let me know. After I sent that, I thought that was a bit too forward, and was kicking myself over it. Just yesterday she replied back taking up my offer for a "drink" and now I'm starting to have such mixed feelings about this. I wouldn't have been so serious about posting this, but I did have strong feelings for this girl at the time and you might say, I fell for her and ultimately it took me a long time to try and erase her from my memory...and now she's coming back to me like this. The fact that even after all this time, she's still kept my number definitely says something to me that she holds a place somewhere for me. Also since I beared no ill feelings towards her, since we didn't have any type of conflict or anything and she was never the bitchy type or anything to me but just downright strange and unpredictable.

    I've agreed to catch up with her, most likely next week or week after, but only for old times sake and I'm gonna take this very very slowly and not gonna open up a great deal for her. I really don't even know what I'm gonna say to her when I see her? I've always took it as she could've been someone, who at the time, who had certain issues and now she could be a changed person. But I dunno.

    Any advice from anyone, especially the females who know better (Heather?) or those who've been through something like this before would be much appreciated. I think the way I'm going is just to do her then leave it be. Sorry for turning this into such a novel lol.
    Rovus.. first of all... she is stupid for playing hard to get which sounds like what she might be doing. If she is, she is going about it the wrong way. Second.... why would any woman not answer your calls!!!!! STUPID. Honestly though Rovus.... women are so unpredictable. You never really know what is going on. As a woman I can't really say why it is that way. I personally am not one for games. I say exactly what I mean, and usually tell a person exactly what I want. But I know too many women who do like to play games with men. Not call, make excuses just to see what the man will do. Kind of like "oh let's see how much he really likes me" kind of thing. Then again maybe she really was too busy with work. Aparently she was interested in you enough to keep you in mind! With women you just never know Rovus! Or maybe it's those darn Aussie women...... you just need a good Texas lady!

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium Rovus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Texas Poundcake
    Rovus.. first of all... she is stupid for playing hard to get which sounds like what she might be doing. If she is, she is going about it the wrong way. Second.... why would any woman not answer your calls!!!!! STUPID. Honestly though Rovus.... women are so unpredictable. You never really know what is going on. As a woman I can't really say why it is that way. I personally am not one for games. I say exactly what I mean, and usually tell a person exactly what I want. But I know too many women who do like to play games with men. Not call, make excuses just to see what the man will do. Kind of like "oh let's see how much he really likes me" kind of thing. Then again maybe she really was too busy with work. Aparently she was interested in you enough to keep you in mind! With women you just never know Rovus! Or maybe it's those darn Aussie women...... you just need a good Texas lady!
    LOL Cheers Heather, you've taken a good load off me (no, not in that way!)

    Yeah, well to me she didn't seem to be the type to be playing games with me, I know those types all too well. At the time, coming off a breakup, she also got burgled too and had to move back home with her Mother...I just tried to analyse the situation and just thought she had some issues to get over or something like that.

    Still your post has been helpful.

    I think I might catch up with her next week and see what happens. But I'm definitely not jumping back into that melting pot with her again.

    Texas ladies are rare down here.
    Bobby Cohn: Who's going to be at Waynestock?
    Wayne Campbell: Um, uh...Aerosmith & Pearl Jam!
    Garth Algar: Ha ha ha ha ho!
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    Garth: Uh, me...and...and Wayne...
    Wayne: ...and uh...VAN HALEN!!!
    Garth: Wow. Van Halen. Who else?
    Bobby: Yeah, who else?
    Wayne: Uh, an old man fashioning a kayak out of a log?

    - Wayne's World 2

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  4. #4
    Baluchitherium KT's Avatar
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    Default thoughts from another Texas gal...

    So, you only actually saw her twice (or went out twice?)? It definitely sounds like she was playing some type of game with you, although at first it seemed like maybe she was a little embarassed b/c she'd made two advances toward you and nothing happened (so maybe she thought you weren't that into to her and maybe that's why she backed away). Anyway...the last time you saw her you said it was ackward, like the conversation wouldn't go anywhere. I think that's a big sign right there. Don't feel bad about yourself or the way you handled things. Sometimes that happens and that's why they call it dating. You were attracted to her and liked her and vice-versa. Then, as ya'll got to know each other through a couple of dates, it seems like that original spark kind of died out---like maybe you both felt like there might not be anything more there than an attraction. From my experience, you can't force it. It's either there or it's not.

    I'd give it one more shot. If things are still ackward, if you feel like you're having to "work at it" this early on, and the converstation just isn't there, than I'd say move on. This is the only way we find out what type of people we're interested in and what type of people would make good life-long partners.

    So, that's my take on it. If she continues to play games with you, move on. It's too early in this relationship for you to have to be worrying about it and working at it so hard. At this point in a relationship, it should be easy...relationships only get more difficult as time goes on, so if it's causing you frustration now or you're questioning her motives then she's probably not the gal for you.

    Good luck, Rovus...let us know how it goes!
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    Eruption Badhorsie551's Avatar
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    If a woman plays games, FLEE.
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    For only going out a couple of times, that is a complicated mess. Move on and quit wasting time.

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    That is quite something for only having gone out twice.

    What you should do is ask her what the deal was. Sometimes people have things going on in their lives that they're not happy with or ashamed of, and if that's the case it sounds as though she's moved on from that. See if she'll talk about it. If you don't, you'll be continually wondering if she'll just disappear again.

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    from "Say Anything"

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    COMUNICATION is key. If you cannot communicate with her, walk away. You have to ask HER these questions...really, not trying to be a smarty, just an honest learned observation.
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    Eruption Steven B's Avatar
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    It really is time to let it go. If she really wanted to see you she would.

    I know that you cant just easliy snap your fingers and forget she exists, but find something or someone else to occupy your mind.

    You've come across as "too availible" to her. She's just treating you as a ego boost when she needs it.

    Cut your losses, and consider it a life lesson learned.

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    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    It sounds like she had some issues to resolve and wasn't ready for much from you at the time. You stated the conversations weren't great. You said she was interested in being more than friendly. You didn't let her get past a good make-out session. Sounds like she just wanted to get laid (sorry to be blunt) by a nice guy. At 27ish, she should be past playing games. Still, I'd probably steer clear of this one. Make her spell out what her deal is and demand open communication. Let us know how it goes.
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    Move on. Sounds like she has more issues than Time Magazine.
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    Wether she had to work or not she sounds like a flake, I wouldnt waste anymore time with her.
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    i've posted many a diatribe here :zzz:

    soo....dude...

    she is fucking wasting you time!

    excuses once in awhile are ok to an extent if you are willing to deal with them. excuses over and over again are a cover up. she's fucking with you.

    this is a rhetorical question so don't feel obligated to answer, but give it some serious thought...

    why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you??

  15. #15
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