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  1. #1
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Default Aussie Mechanics are funny

    Actual response list to pilot concerns (supposedly) compiled by a Qantas airline mechanic over the years. Funny shit mayng!

    P= Problem noted by the pilot
    S= Solution noted by the mechanic

    P: Innermost wheel on left side almost needs to be changed.
    S: Almost changed the innermost wheel on the left side.


    P: Test-flight went OK, except the autolanding was alittle rough.
    S: There is no autolanding system installed on this aircraft ...


    P: Propeller #2 does not receive enough lubricant.
    S: Supply to propeller #2 is normal.
    Supply to propeller #1, 3, and 4 is out of order!


    P: Something in the cockpit is lose.
    S: Something in the cockpit has been fastened.


    P: Dead bugs on the windscreen.
    S: Live bugs are in requisition.


    P: Autopilot creates a drop of 200 feet when the airceiling level is punched in.
    S: Cannot recreate problem on the ground.


    P: Evidence of leak on the right landinggear.
    S: Evidence removed!


    P: The sound level on the communication system is unbelievable loud.
    S: The sound level have been changed to a more believable level.


    P: The throttle lock makes the throttle lock.
    S: Well, that’s kinda the reason why it’s there for.


    P: The radio is out of order.
    S: The radio is always out of order, when the switch is in the OFF position.


    P: I have a feeling there’s a crack in the windscreen.
    S: I have a feeling you are right!


    P: Missing engine #3.
    S: Engine found on the right wing after some search effort...


    P: The plane behaves funny.
    S: The plane has been instructed to pull itself together, fly properly, and to be abit more serious!


    P: The radar is growling.
    S: The radar has been reconfigured to speech.


    P: Mouse in the cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  2. #2
    Hang 'Em High MAX's Avatar
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    06.03.10 @ 11:18 AM
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    Default

    That sounds like an actual transcription of a conversation between Bomber and Rovus.
    EAT US AND SMILE!!!!

    "Please don't take my teddy bear... Please!!!" - diamondsgirl's Oscar nominated dramatic scene for best actress of 2007

    "and by Van Halen, I mean David Lee Roth" - diamondsgirl on Van Halen

  3. #3
    Hang 'Em High janthraxx's Avatar
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    11.18.14 @ 07:57 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ou812max
    That sounds like an actual transcription of a conversation between Bomber and Rovus.
    "Suck a fat one, faggot."
    -MikeL, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    "You may recognize some of these chemicals. Let's start with cyanide...The one the Aum Shinrikyo cult attempted to use to commit mass murder in a Tokyo subway in May 1995...The same cyanide produced routinely--1.4 million tons per year--for use in the production of plastics, adhesives, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and so on. It seems that those who put small amounts of cyanide in subways are terrorists. But those who produce it in mass quantities and contaminate broad reaches of soil, water, and air, killing countless living beings, are not terrorists, but rather capitalists, and are counted among the finest and most powerful people on the planet."

    -Derrick Jensen, "What We Leave Behind"

    "You know what's weird to me is Christians who are against the death penalty. After all, if it weren't for the death penalty, we wouldn't celebrate Easter!"

    -the late, great, Bill Hicks

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium sisca's Avatar
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    06.12.16 @ 07:51 PM
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    Default

    i feel safer already...
    """"\//-/""""


    The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!


    www.myspace.com/mikesisca

    "If ladies want Valentines Day so bad either make Superbowl Sunday an actual holiday or give guys Steak and Blowjob Day and we'll call it even." T.RYAN, sharing thoughts on valentine's day.

    " SHUT UP, FAGGOT." - Vinnie Velvet, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    DIRTY SANCHEZ- It's not just for breakfast anymore!



    “ Originally posted by FORD
    History tells us that oppressive nations build walls to keep people IN, not out.
    (See "Berlin Wall" and "Likud Israel" for examples) ” FORD- when i told him i'd build a wall between the US and Mexico.

    then ill build it from the mexican side. -my reply.

  5. #5
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 09:52 PM
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    Default

    Those are funny.
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    And thats about what its worth.

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    CLASSIC. All joking aside, anyone else know that Quantas has the best safety record of any airline in the world?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  7. #7
    Baluchitherium sisca's Avatar
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    06.12.16 @ 07:51 PM
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    i thought southwest laid claim to the best safety record....??
    """"\//-/""""


    The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!


    www.myspace.com/mikesisca

    "If ladies want Valentines Day so bad either make Superbowl Sunday an actual holiday or give guys Steak and Blowjob Day and we'll call it even." T.RYAN, sharing thoughts on valentine's day.

    " SHUT UP, FAGGOT." - Vinnie Velvet, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    DIRTY SANCHEZ- It's not just for breakfast anymore!



    “ Originally posted by FORD
    History tells us that oppressive nations build walls to keep people IN, not out.
    (See "Berlin Wall" and "Likud Israel" for examples) ” FORD- when i told him i'd build a wall between the US and Mexico.

    then ill build it from the mexican side. -my reply.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Default

    As far as I know, Quantas has NEVER had a crash...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  9. #9
    Unchained JCM 800's Avatar
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    11.01.07 @ 12:01 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by sixstring
    As far as I know, Qantas has NEVER had a crash...
    JCM ~ Six, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.

    SIX ~ Qantas. Qantas never crashed.

    JCM ~ Qantas?

    SIX ~ Never crashed.

    JCM ~ Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because Qnatas doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!
    Last edited by JCM 800; 09.09.05 at 08:29 AM.
    "You will respect my authoritah!" Ptl.Cartman

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by JCM 800
    JCM ~ Six, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.

    SIX ~ Qantas. Qantas never crashed.

    JCM ~ Qantas?

    SIX ~ Never crashed.

    JCM ~ Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because Qnatas doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!
    LOL! I hear ya, bro!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  11. #11
    Romeo Delight Bojangles's Avatar
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    01.29.10 @ 06:16 AM
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    Default

    Makes me proud to be Aussie... Now, where's that Vegemite...
    Frank Sinatra: Why do you drink so much?
    Dean Martin: I drink to forget.
    Frank: To forget what?
    Dean: I don't know... I forgot that long time ago

 

 

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