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  1. #1
    Banned! Hotlantadude1981's Avatar
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    06.04.06 @ 08:07 PM
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    Default 40 year old virgins sue!

    http://datelinehollywood.com/archive...uncomfortable/

    REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY ‘40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN’ MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE

    Sexually-frustrated Star Trek and Star Wars fans sue Universal, ask for restraining order

    Hollywood - The new movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they’ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress.

    Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. “I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,” said Brownfield. “Then, this one guy I can’t stand in shipping turns to me and says, ‘Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it’s right up your alley.’ Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.”

    Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy’s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three.

    “People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me ‘Andy,’” said an emotional Brownfield. “People at the office know that I’ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’”

    “It’s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,” said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.”

    Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit.

    “We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?”

    Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky.

    “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.”

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    Ok, if I were 40 and still a virgin, I would not shout out about it!!
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
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  3. #3
    Good Enough VivaVH's Avatar
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    04.02.15 @ 09:23 AM
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    This is a joke news item. Pretty funny, though.
    If it's BROWN, flush it DOWN.

    GO STEELERS!

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by VivaVH
    This is a joke news item.
    Of course it is
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  5. #5
    Good Enough VivaVH's Avatar
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    04.02.15 @ 09:23 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by racefan8
    Of course it is
    Just thought I'd clarify for those who didn't quite get it (and you know well as I do that there will be a few of those around here)!
    Last edited by VivaVH; 09.06.05 at 03:11 PM.
    If it's BROWN, flush it DOWN.

    GO STEELERS!

  6. #6
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hotlantadude1981

    I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.”

    "I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’”

    “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning.”

    Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit.

    “We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?”

    “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.”
    I dont know whether to just laugh at those, or laugh my ass off at those! If you think about it, its really quite sad at how these guys think that the movie is attacking them. But when you feel bad after watching a star wars movie, then you know that your life has reached a new low.

    The one im laughing at the most is the Star Trek president in Milwaukee because I have never heard of Uhura porn hahahahahaha
    Last edited by Thai Boxer 9901; 09.06.05 at 03:25 PM.
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  7. #7
    Atomic Punk smithjc's Avatar
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    08.04.17 @ 11:33 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Boxer 9901
    I dont know whether to just laugh at those, or laugh my ass off at those! If you think about it, its really quite sad at how these guys think that the movie is attacking them. But when you feel bad after watching a star wars movie, then you know that your life has reached a new low.

    The one im laughing at the most is the Star Trek president in Milwaukee because I have never heard of Uhura porn hahahahahaha
    RIP - Classic Van Halen

    "A lot of people take Van Halen more seriously than we do." The Diamond One



  8. #8
    Atomic Punk stilleddiesangel's Avatar
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    08.25.17 @ 05:45 PM
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    " I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night "

    Damn... the trauma!!! The pain... the suffering!!! ..................


    The total BOLLOCKS that come from these assholes mouths!!!
    ****Texas - Home Of My Heart****

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    12.07.17 @ 02:51 PM
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    I first thought this was real and I was like

    Thanks God it's a joke!
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

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  10. #10
    Atomic Punk Menlow's Avatar
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    06.14.17 @ 06:46 PM
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    Funny, funny story. The only thing funnier is that some people have actually believed it. I guess that story could ring true for some.

 

 

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