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  1. #1
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    07.27.07 @ 01:06 PM
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    I Have Seen The Future Of Movie Making (Stealth)

    And I think it may have caused some "minor" brain damage.

    Holy crap what a terrible movie, I can not even begin to explain how bad this thing is.

    I had a choice between that and The Island (I refuse to watch any movie produced by the man who's name I will not speak). I have to believe that The Island is a lot better then this movie. I have to, just to retain my faith in man kind, nothing could be worse then Stealth.

    You have the top 3 Navy pilots on Earth, and evidently them following orders wasn't part of the elimination process, of those three these ass wipe movie folks cast it perfectly, a women, a black dude, and a cocky white dude, the corniness of that alone nearly killed me!

    The effects looked nice enough, but they made these jets fly around in way's no human could survive, as if the only research applied to this movie was watching how jet's fly in a video game, you could just look up in the sky, there all over the place!

    If you think Jag nails exactly how us military folk talk then this movie will really impress you, for the rest of Earth be careful that your eye's don't roll so far back in your head that you can't get them back in position again, it's that bad. My right eye is still back there, but the left recovered nicely.

    The robot plane, well it probably turned in the strongest performance of everyone involved, though it still sucked. Here is how this character turned out. First it's a cocky plane run by AI, then it get's struck by lightening and becomes a crazy plane run by AI, then it decides to feel bad about all the bad stuff it did (that covers about 10 minutes of film time, and im not kidding about it "feeling" bad either), then it help's the cocky white guy pilot save his girlfriend (the girl pilot) that's stuck in North Korea (that's not a joke either), and then sacrificing itself intentionally in the process (again im not kidding).

    There are many more thing's that sucked about this movie, but I don't want to spoil it for everyone, I really think people need to see this just for the accidental comedy.

    I give it two thumbs up my ass!
    Last edited by willy4pres; 07.31.05 at 05:19 PM.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 06:24 AM
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    This movie never looked good from the previews I saw. I won't be seeing it.
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  3. #3
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    12.11.17 @ 05:09 AM
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    there is a ridiculous amount of promotion for this movie and it just doesn't look very good (and it appears that this person has confirmed this). I was interested in seeing some jessica biel but i wish they would put her in a good movie.

  4. #4
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    I said on another board that the only reason to see this movie is Jessica Biel's ass.

    OMG!!! Their carrier is in the Phillipine Sea, their big target is in Tajikastahn, like 2000 miles away. Then Jessica's plane has a systems failure and she heads back to the carrier, which should be 2000 miles to the South/East, yet when her plane goes tits-up, she bails out over...North Korea, which is about 1700 miles or more to the North.
    The planes travel at Mach 4, yet they don't explain fuel consumption and nobody's in a pressure suit. Plus, as said above, there's no way to manuever at those speeds without killing the pilot. The SR-71 flew at Mach 3.35 (and faster), it's minimum turn radius was from one side of New Mexico to the other.

    Then there's the rest of the movie, like they get to the carrier, do one test flight and then go on leave.

    Jamie Fox dies about halfway though (yes, I just spoiled the movie, I also just saved you $10) and had this movie come out last year it would have killed him in the voting for the Academey Awards because he suck in this flick.

    Oh, and at the end, they manage to somehow find the one DMZ crossing on the Korean peninsula that doesn't have a gozillian land mines.

    I'd make a joke about the screen writers being USC grads but even OJ Simpson could have written a better script.
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  5. #5
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    It was unintentionally the best action movie parody ever made.

    I guess it made 13.5 million over the weekend yet it cost $100 million to make, not counting all the hype Sony is trying to drum up for it. This thing is going to take a huge bath, possibly the biggest of the summer.

    You know what, it seems like all we have been hearing is how movies are making less and less each year, are we supposed to feel bad about that? If they released something that was decent they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. I usually am very critical of movies in general, but this one was so bad it made me laugh, I actually enjoyed sitting through it's shittiness.

    I can't even imagine someone coming up with the screen play! How did that come about, there probably so jaded they actually think it was an original idea!

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk
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    I thought that the only thing it was missing was Claude Van Damm and Chalie Sheen.
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  7. #7
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    The previews looked horrible. I've got to wonder how movies like this get made.

  8. #8
    Good Enough CanCanSingSing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeL
    The previews looked horrible. I've got to wonder how movies like this get made.
    Maybe they made it as a tax writeoff?
    Last edited by CanCanSingSing; 07.31.05 at 11:45 PM.
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  9. #9
    Good Enough Thai Boxer 9901's Avatar
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    08.28.16 @ 11:47 PM
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    At least it was an original idea instead of being another dumb remake of classic tv shows or movies. But if they come out with a new CG version of Top Gun, im gunna be pissed because that is probably one of the best movies of all time!
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Boxer 9901
    At least it was an original idea instead of being another dumb remake of classic tv shows or movies. But if they come out with a new CG version of Top Gun, im gunna be pissed because that is probably one of the best movies of all time!
    How the fuck was it original!?

    You stated one movie it tried and failed to rip off, have you also heard of 2001 or the Terminator? It uses every single shitty cliché in movie history, with the exception of a montage (im sure it originally was in there but they deleted it out, maybe we can get it on the DVD!).

    Dude unless you caught it over the weekend, thought it was cool, and now your pissed because people are ragging on it, you must see this steaming pile of crap, or read Roger Eberts review, I think he was actually pissed off for having to sit thought it, and that's his job!

    Also, if you really think Top Gun was the greatest movie ever your gay.

  11. #11
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    Agreed. Top Gun is way gay.

    "You can be my wingman anytime". Gimma a break...

  12. #12
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    Not to mention that it was pretty much physically impossible to eject into a canapy when the plane is in a flat spin.
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  13. #13
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    There's a book out there called "Tales From Development Hell", it details how movies are made. Worse, it details how good ideas are watered down or killed all together while "The Beverly Hillbillies" get a green light.

    Cliche's:

    Black dude dies.

    Whenever a key point in conversation is made, the charictor takes off his sunglasses from emphasis. Why are they wearing sunglasses inside a dark control room in the first place?

    They take a "Bonding R&R", for no reason.

    The brain of the UAV reads the lips of people (open the pod bay doors HAL)

    The CO of the operation has a friend at the Pentagon who can pull strings and have people killed.

    The CO smokes cigars. In fact he smokes them on a hanger deck of an aircraft carrier.



    This movie was in trouble when ten minutes into it the enemy gets a missle lock. Why is the movie called "Stealth'?.

    Again, Jessica Biel is hot. She should have done the whole movie in the blue bikini, it would have been 1,000,000 times better. The only reason it wasn't a direct to video action flick is because it was so fucking expensive to make.
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  14. #14
    Good Enough
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    I read that book! What an eye opener man, and what a shame.

    I understand where these studio's are coming from, to a point, these movies cost a lot of money. But there really taking it to far these days, and there losing cash big time despite there cookie cutter movie making techniques.

    Im starting to believe that the only way a good movie can be made is if it's done on the cheap with zero special effects, then the movie studio's will leave it alone, at least to some degree.

    What suck's is that I love action movies, but I can count on one hand the number made that where truly great.

  15. #15
    Eruption VHPoundcake's Avatar
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    06.16.08 @ 08:22 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeL
    The previews looked horrible. I've got to wonder how movies like this get made.
    Because they know that people will actually go and see them...
    "For the words of the profits, are written on the studio wall, concert hall - echoes with the sounds...of salesmen."

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