Follow us on...
Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Facebook Watch us on YouTube
Register
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Little Johnny

  1. #1
    Atomic Punk BREW CREW's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.09.00
    Age
    45
    Posts
    11,665
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen 1
    Favorite VH Song

    Somebody Get Me A Doctor
    Last Online

    08.27.17 @ 09:39 AM
    Likes
    45
    Liked 185 Times in 105 Posts

    Little Johnny

    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
    She started her class by saying,
    "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

    The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
    her face.

    "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

    "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the
    cream with a tissue.

    "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

    She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

    Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
    police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10
    most wanted criminals.

    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the
    photo of a wanted person.

    "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture
    him."

    Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

    He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
    and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

    After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

    His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
    that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

    Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.
    Just go for it!

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium Texas Poundcake's Avatar
    Join Date
    06.16.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    Middle of Tornado/earthquake alley.... so confused!!!
    Posts
    4,141
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K
    Favorite VH Song

    Poundcake
    Last Online

    07.22.17 @ 01:18 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 8 Times in 2 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BREW CREW
    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
    She started her class by saying,
    "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

    The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
    her face.

    "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

    "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the
    cream with a tissue.

    "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

    She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

    Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
    police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10
    most wanted criminals.

    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the
    photo of a wanted person.

    "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture
    him."

    Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

    He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
    and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

    After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

    His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
    that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

    Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.
    Lol! Brew Crew these are going on the teacher's board at school. It's so funny because kids actually DO these things!
    http://www.myspace.com/texaschic22
    It's private.. but if you at least say who you are from VH links I will add ya!

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.21.03
    Posts
    22,252
    Last Online

    12.17.17 @ 09:24 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 1,627 Times in 1,001 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Little Johnny walks home from school one day. His friend Little Davey comes running up, says "Hey Johnny, heard a new word in school today. 'Penis.' I dunno what it means. Do you?"

    "Nope. Wait here, I'll go ask my mom."

    Little Johnny runs inside, where his mother is busy cooking dinner. "Mom, I heard a new word in school today. 'Penis.' What does it mean?"

    His mother gets flustered. "Um...that's a good question for your father. He's in the bathroom."

    Little Johnny runs to the bathroom. His father's standing in there, getting ready to shower, shaving. "Dad, heard a new word in school today. It's 'penis.' What the heck is a penis?"

    His father smiles and drops his towel. "This, son, is a penis. What's more, this is a perfect penis."

    "Oh. Gotcha, Dad. Thanks."

    Little Johnny runs back outside to Little Davey. "Davey, I found out what a penis is." He drops his drawers and shows Davey. "This...is a penis. And if it was three inches shorter, it'd be a perfect penis."


 

 

Similar Threads

  1. Johnny Paycheck dies
    By Downtown Stevie in forum VH Fans Meeting Place (Music Only)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02.20.03, 12:11 PM
  2. Johnny Cash
    By Executionor in forum VH Fans Meeting Place (Music Only)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 12.18.02, 01:57 PM
  3. First Johnny U., now Bullet Bob
    By P1 in forum VH Fans Meeting Place (Non-Music)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09.19.02, 09:03 AM
  4. It's Over Johnny...
    By man of the people in forum Main VH Discussion
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 09.04.02, 12:03 PM
  5. Top Jimmy and Johnny Be Good
    By AxeSlinger84 in forum Van Halen 101
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07.25.01, 05:38 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •