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  1. #1
    Casting Shade
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    Default Relationship Question

    For the past four years I've been dating the same girl. We've been best friends, and do everything together. But at the beginning of this summer, she moved in with her cousin who happens to not like me, and her whole demeanor changed. For the past year and a half, this cousin has been working on her and giving her ridiculous ideas that there's something wrong with me, which is really bizarre because I really don't even know her. But anyway, she started being a huge bitch all the time after she moved in with her, and then broke up with me two weeks ago, but couldn't even give me a reason and said that she still loves me and doesn't want it to be forever. Obviously that's bullshit, she won't even give me a reason, and she still won't talk to me. Almost two weeks, I've called her 5 or 6 times, and she doesn't pick up or answers and immediately hangs up. I talked to her dad, and he doesn't understand what's going on either.

    I sent her a few emails, just to try and get her to talk to me, and get things back basically telling me I'm an asshole, but there's never any reason given. Unfortunately I love this girl and was planning on proposing to her soon, and now everything is all fucked up. But her dad keeps telling me to lay off her for awhile, but every minute of the day I feel the urge to call her and try to get some answers, which may or may not be pissing her off. This whole thing is tearing me up inside, and is making me a zombie at work. I haven't been productive at all for the past week, and I'm lucky if I eat more then one meal a day.

    What do you guys suggest, attempt to move on, keep trying to contact her, or just wait a couple months and try to talk to her then?
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  2. #2
    Good Enough VivaVH's Avatar
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    I hate to be a downer here, because I had a horrible breakup with someone I thought was "the one" not long ago so I have recently felt your pain...

    But, if she was that easily swayed by her cousin, how strong could her feelings for you actually be?

    I'm not saying she doesn't love you -- she may just feel the walls collapsing all around her from the pressure her cousin is putting on her.

    Just something to chew on.
    If it's BROWN, flush it DOWN.

    GO STEELERS!

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveWalkinIn
    What do you guys suggest, attempt to move on, keep trying to contact her, or just wait a couple months and try to talk to her then?
    Um....games. Fuck that. Life is too short. Move on.

    My advice. No charge.
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  4. #4
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
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    12.16.17 @ 04:51 PM
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum
    Um....games. Fuck that. Life is too short. Move on.

    My advice. No charge.
    I agree 100%!! Stop killing yourself and allow the healing process to begin, the sooner you can get to this point the sooner you will feel better.
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    And thats about what its worth.

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    Just an idea, but usually when people don't want to talk about their reasons it's because they've done something they feel ashamed of. That's been my experience, anyway.

    You can't make her do anything, and when women shut down there's no way to force the issue. The more you press, the more she'll withdraw. If you really want an answer, you've got to wait until she's ready to give it. Just keep in mind that you'll never get the whole story, and you'll never find any satisfaction in it. It doesn't make things any easier to know why, even though you think it should.

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeL
    Just an idea, but usually when people don't want to talk about their reasons it's because they've done something they feel ashamed of. That's been my experience, anyway.

    You can't make her do anything, and when women shut down there's no way to force the issue. The more you press, the more she'll withdraw. If you really want an answer, you've got to wait until she's ready to give it. Just keep in mind that you'll never get the whole story, and you'll never find any satisfaction in it. It doesn't make things any easier to know why, even though you think it should.

    An addendum to this, if I may......

    The "answer" is almost always something you don't want to hear. Pain makes you stronger, but is never fun. You can just walk away, your ego intact....or you can wait for your "answer" and endure the pain.

    Those are your two choices. Either way, she has ended this as far as the 'bigger picture' goes. Ride off into that sunset with your head held high.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

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  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing! VH122's Avatar
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    If you really know confront her cousin about it.
    A little talk with the source of your supposed problems shouldn't hurt.

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium Rovus's Avatar
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    07.09.11 @ 09:31 PM
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    I so feel for you man! Back in October last year, I had a very similar issue with a girl who I met one night and you might say I fell for her (and I've only been in love like 3 times in my life). I'm not really relationship material but I met this girl at a bar one night and we hit off really well. After our first date together, everything seemed to be cruising...then all of a sudden she sort've went a bit weird on me. Come every weekend, I would try calling her to go out and it would seem she had an excuse for everything I came up with, then sometimes she would call me and ask to go out then call me on the day saying she had to break it. This type of thing carried on for almost 2 months. I tried my absolute hardest to find out what had happened with patience and without to jumping to any conclusions. When my birthday came, after work I went to the pub by myself for a couple of beers and sat there grief stricken while they played music like 'Never Tear Us Apart' by INXS which I know she loved. When I went home that night, I messaged her phone and said everything on my mind and heart but wording it appropriately so it wouldn't result to any insult. She replied back in the same old tone she had been giving me that the reason she couldn't wish me a Happy Birthday was because she had to work 2 jobs (she worked irregular shifts in Catering) and so I gave it one more attempt at trying to break through to her but to no avail. As much as it was killing me then, I bit the bullet and let it go. Since then, I've basically laid off alot on women especially the dodgey ones which I can now spot a mile away now.

    Like VH122 said, confront her cousin face to face and get straight to the point with her. You have a right to be angry with her. If you still have sincere feelings for this girl, take it up with her cousin since it appears to you that she was the one who ruined something very special for you, she has no right to do something like that. That's your only option left it seems. If that doesn't help, then like the others said, it's best to move on no matter how painful it is. Time heals wounds, you'll forget about this sooner or later. We've all been there, my friend. It sucks!
    Bobby Cohn: Who's going to be at Waynestock?
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  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    04.01.11 @ 07:59 PM
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    Default

    You said she said she still loves you but doesn't want it to be forever. Dude, she's freakin' about commitment maybe? You are both young. She said she loves you. That will not change for her. I think maybe give her some time. And while you're doing this, don't kill yourself!! Life is short. There will be other women. Heck, maybe even one better suited to you, believe it or not. It is just hard to see that with the pain right now. So give her the space she wants. Be non-threatening if you run across her (don't blubber and do the puppy eyes). If she knows you still care but are not going to hound her, she'll probably come back to you if it is meant to be.

    Now, second point... Go beat the shit out of the cousin. hehehe j/k. This bitch may be jealous of your girl's relationship. Maybe she had a relationship like yours and she got dumped. She's now a men-basher. Maybe she wants to be out partying and wants your girl to party with her - telling her she's too young to be serious about a guy. These are likely the reasons, and it had nothing to do with you personally. This will wear off and your girl will have you in her heart when it does. If not, there's a better woman out there waiting for you.

    <stepping off soapbox now> next...
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
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  10. #10
    Casting Shade
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    Quote Originally Posted by racefan8
    You said she said she still loves you but doesn't want it to be forever. Dude, she's freakin' about commitment maybe? You are both young. She said she loves you. That will not change for her. I think maybe give her some time. And while you're doing this, don't kill yourself!! Life is short. There will be other women. Heck, maybe even one better suited to you, believe it or not. It is just hard to see that with the pain right now. So give her the space she wants. Be non-threatening if you run across her (don't blubber and do the puppy eyes). If she knows you still care but are not going to hound her, she'll probably come back to you if it is meant to be.

    Now, second point... Go beat the shit out of the cousin. hehehe j/k. This bitch may be jealous of your girl's relationship. Maybe she had a relationship like yours and she got dumped. She's now a men-basher. Maybe she wants to be out partying and wants your girl to party with her - telling her she's too young to be serious about a guy. These are likely the reasons, and it had nothing to do with you personally. This will wear off and your girl will have you in her heart when it does. If not, there's a better woman out there waiting for you.

    <stepping off soapbox now> next...
    That's basically dead on about the cousin, except that the cousin is 33 and my girl is only 20. But her cousin has been engaged a couple times and has had other guys want to marry her, and as soon as it gets serious, she breaks it off. But all the stuff about being too young to be serious is definitely what I think she's been telling her.
    "Rehab is for Quitters"

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  11. #11
    Sinner's Swing! racefan8's Avatar
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    Default

    Damn - she's 33 and still in the party mode? Somethin' ain't quite right with that one. So, bingo, that's what the problem is. If your girl's dad is on your side, get him to suggest to the rest of the family that the cousin is a wackjob. Have him drop hints to your girl where she won't suspect you had anything to do with it. If her friends are on your side, work them too (but be subtle!). The cuz is a freak and your girl will outgrow her soon enough.

    I know - I got it! We're both from Chicago. Take the cuz for the ride of her life, threatening to drop her off in the projects, or Gary, or some other choice neighborhood if she doesn't fix it with your girl. heheheh
    Last edited by racefan8; 07.21.05 at 07:57 AM.
    Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
    False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
    Compassion is the basis of all morality.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    www.myspace.com/getracefan8

  12. #12
    Eruption mk5's Avatar
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    Default

    Dump her over the phone with absolutely no reasoning whatsoever.

    Don't worry about her screwing around on you for a rebound.

    Nothing spells "Come back to Papa" more than if you took the initiative and left things unresolved. Girls HATE that--they want closure.

    Don't buy into all that "I Love You, but..." crap. When chicks say they love you but they just aren't "in love" with you, or junk like that--it's over.

    Sorry to be blunt, but that's my advice if you want her back.
    How open-minded do I have to be before my brains start spilling out?

  13. #13
    Eruption Perrott's Avatar
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    Could be another guy, it just happened to me! I seriously just found out about it this after noon.
    Me and her broke up maybe, 3/4 weeks ago, but 2 weeks after, she met her brother in law's brother, and has started to date him. When I confronted her about it, she first tried to lie and say that they had just been talking on the phone, then I dug deeper and found out they made it offical a few nights ago. She did the whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" bit.

    Best part was that she was expecting me to wait for her to figure out if she wanted a boyfriend or not, then she finds one a few weeks later?
    Last edited by Perrott; 07.21.05 at 01:38 PM.

  14. #14
    Eruption Perrott's Avatar
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    Edited to make me sound less bitter
    Last edited by Perrott; 07.21.05 at 01:43 PM. Reason: for the good of the nation

  15. #15
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    Sleep with the cousin . . . that'll teach her.
    "You guys never forced your babysitter to put her dirty feet all over your back-bottom while you handled up onto a tattered quilt?" - Fake Greggo
    "I like to put peaches in my panties and dance around until my knees bleed, Chuck." - Fake Billy Tubbs

 

 

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