Follow us on...
Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Facebook Watch us on YouTube
Register
Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: My dad...

  1. #1
    Good Enough evhslilhottie's Avatar
    Join Date
    07.28.04
    Age
    26
    Posts
    1,841
    Last Online

    01.13.07 @ 11:34 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    My dad...

    Ok, usually, I don't talk like this, but I just feel really mad about this:

    My dad is 51 and has 3 kids and has been divorced once to my step brother's mom and I fear, soon, my parents will divorce. The reason is of my dad's petty attitude. He always thinks he's right and everyone's wrong, even when they're right. It just makes me feel really stupid, that I'm always wrong, even though he'll find out later I was right, he won't apologize. He also has a bad drinking problem, it seems, and also does many other things I can't mention on here (not beating anyone, just substance problems). He's had this problem for years and I believe that he does this with his friends mostly, since one is twenty times worse.

    It kills me when he gets drunk especially. He usually does this every weekend. Not only that, but, to his lazy friends who don't have cars, he'll drive them home even when HE'S drunk! It kills me. He wrecked our 1st car him and mom bought after I was born while drunk driving. Also, he has another substance problem, which pisses me off ALOT! He knows the whole family knows, but does he do anything about it? No! My mom and I have tried intervening, but he'll be good about it for a few weeks and then go back to it. Whenever I talk to him about it, he'll just say "You're a little girl. When you're married and have a husband you will boss around (what a douchey thing to say!), you can tell him not to drink". He tells me all the time I should act like an adult, but, when I do and it envolvs him either helping me or vise-versa, he won't do a thing! For that reason, I've lost all respect I had for him.

    On Sunday, he's going to Atlanta for a few days for training for his new job (how he got a new one even confuses me) all alone, which means that he's gonna go wild. Probably get drunk and try and drive to his hotel, which I'm extremely worried about. There's tons more traffic in Atlanta than here, so he might end up hurting himself or another person, trying to drive while drunk. I'm just asking for help for what I should do? I don't want to watch my dad die slowly, I wanna help him.

    Sorry, I needed to let all this out. Thanks, though, for reading this.
    So you broke down, trying to leave town, I broke down crying on your return. You left me feeling hopeful, I'll never see your face again. You made for a bad lover's liver. You stole all the covers and busted my head. You made me such an asshole, I wish we'd never met. I'm tired of being bored. I'm through with the headaches. Hiding my hands that tremble like earthquakes. Under the table, under the daytime sky, Good Fucking Bye- Good Fucking Bye, Alkaline Trio

  2. #2
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.07.00
    Age
    47
    Location
    The Tiki Bar...
    Posts
    9,524
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen 2
    Favorite VH Song

    Dance the Night Away
    Last Online

    @
    Likes
    6
    Liked 4 Times in 3 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    If the reality of hearing this from you doesn't help, I don't know what will...Time to let it loose because, according to you, this guy may be on borrowed time with the habits he has...
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium KT's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.26.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    5,148
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being,5150,WhenIt'sLove
    Last Online

    08.08.17 @ 07:44 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 18 Times in 2 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    I agree with SactoFan. A person will only change when and IF they're ready to. What you need to realize, though, is that you've done all you can do and can't hold yourself responsible if anything happens to your dad. Have you talked to you mom about going to family counseling? It might even help you sort through some of the crap you're going through even if your dad doesn't agree to go. Just know I'm thinking about you. That's a lot to deal with as a teenager.
    Meet me in Cabo!

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk TheresOnlyOneWay's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.13.04
    Location
    Avengers Tower
    Posts
    10,149
    Favorite VH Album

    Chickenfoot III
    Favorite VH Song

    Different Devil
    Last Online

    11.30.17 @ 11:15 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 340 Times in 184 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    I agree too.

    Print out what you've written here and 'accidentally' leave it where he'll find it. Maybe your written word will hit him a little harder than just asking him to stop.
    Sammy did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    Michael did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    --------------------------
    IAMA I am a stage hand for big mainstream artists. (self.IAmA)

    Q: who was the biggest douche that you have worked with?

    A: Eddie Van Halen hands down he threatened all the stage hands that if we wernt all pushed to the side when he got off stage that he would "bash our faces in"

    Now the new David-Lee-Roth-Van Halen album, “Tokyo Dome In Concert,” is available for purchase, and it’s super, super, super, super, super, super, crazy bad. - Doug Elfman

  5. #5
    Good Enough evhslilhottie's Avatar
    Join Date
    07.28.04
    Age
    26
    Posts
    1,841
    Last Online

    01.13.07 @ 11:34 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TheresOnlyOneWay
    I agree too.

    Print out what you've written here and 'accidentally' leave it where he'll find it. Maybe your written word will hit him a little harder than just asking him to stop.

    He has no feelings. He'll just say I'm over-reacting to this situation, but it's very serious, and he has no idea how serious it is. I think, when I'm in college, I'm gonna lose contact to him on purpose. I dont wanna see him like this, it's sad. he needs to quit acting like a teenager and get a hold on reality IMO if he still wants 2 daughters instead of just one (IE: I won't talk to him so much, it's like I'm not even alive to him)!
    So you broke down, trying to leave town, I broke down crying on your return. You left me feeling hopeful, I'll never see your face again. You made for a bad lover's liver. You stole all the covers and busted my head. You made me such an asshole, I wish we'd never met. I'm tired of being bored. I'm through with the headaches. Hiding my hands that tremble like earthquakes. Under the table, under the daytime sky, Good Fucking Bye- Good Fucking Bye, Alkaline Trio

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk fast98dodge's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.24.04
    Age
    43
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,212
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen II
    Last Online

    08.07.17 @ 08:14 PM
    Likes
    331
    Liked 313 Times in 149 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    He does have feelings. He is just supressing them with alcohol and other substances. I have attended AA meetings and Alcohol Treatment classes in the past due to a DUI I got a few years ago. One of the things they talk about is being in touch with your feelings, recognizing what they are, and how to deal with them. Most alcoholics have a huge amount of trouble expressing and dealing with their feelings, hence they drink to escape. Anyways, I hope things get better for you and your family. It will ultimately have to be his choice to quit and get better. I just hope he doesn't have to get to rock bottom to start, but for most alcoholics, it takes that.
    Jet City Super Stealth
    Marshall 50th Anniversary JCM-1H and Class 5 Combo
    Austin Speaker Works KTS-60

  7. #7
    Summer Nights in Cabo SNIC's Avatar
    Join Date
    05.21.04
    Age
    48
    Location
    San Antonio, Texas
    Posts
    4,850
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Summer Nights, Cabo Wabo
    Last Online

    10.19.17 @ 06:44 PM
    Likes
    89
    Liked 55 Times in 21 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ktgiles
    I agree with SactoFan. A person will only change when and IF they're ready to. What you need to realize, though, is that you've done all you can do and can't hold yourself responsible if anything happens to your dad. Have you talked to you mom about going to family counseling? It might even help you sort through some of the crap you're going through even if your dad doesn't agree to go. Just know I'm thinking about you. That's a lot to deal with as a teenager.
    Sacto and KT are right. They have to want to change. But then there is no guarantee they won't go back to drinking. Been through that with my mom, and she is still drinking.

    Understand he may never change. I know that is discouraging, but it could be reality. My mom puts alcohol before her kids or grand kids. I still look for the day she quits and becomes my mom again. I know it hurts. I am 35 and it still hurts me.

    As far as you dad going to Atlanta alone. Not much you can do about what he might do. Use this time to talk to family members that got a good head on their shoulders. Get their advice like KT said. Maybe they can help. But remember, you are not to blame for anything. He has to deal with it when he is ready.

    Hang in there girl!!!


  8. #8
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.08.04
    Location
    Secret Witness Protection Location
    Posts
    31,731
    Favorite VH Album

    Anything Mike played on
    Favorite VH Song

    Anything Mike played on
    Last Online

    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
    Likes
    34
    Liked 60 Times in 35 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fast98dodge
    It will ultimately have to be his choice to quit and get better. I just hope he doesn't have to get to rock bottom to start, but for most alcoholics, it takes that.

    A very ugly reality. Often the rule rather than the exception.
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.12.01
    Age
    48
    Location
    Massachusetts by way of the Great State of New Jersey
    Posts
    7,745
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Changes with the day
    Last Online

    12.15.17 @ 07:38 PM
    Likes
    30
    Liked 546 Times in 327 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    There are support groups for families of alcoholics - Al anon maybe? I thought there was one for your situation too. GO. GO. GO. GO. GO. GO. GO.

    Seriously, go check it out, it will help you deal with it. You don't want this shit milling around in there just waiting to jump out and screw you up. It should be relatively easy, free, and it should help you.

  10. #10
    Unchained jetm's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.13.00
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    524
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen 1
    Favorite VH Song

    I'm the One
    Last Online

    11.16.17 @ 07:10 PM
    Likes
    1
    Liked 44 Times in 12 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    A very tought situation you are in. When a family member is a substance abuser, there is always more than one victim.

    Unfortunately, it too often takes a pretty serious life event to shake that person back to reality.

    Stay strong and hang in there!

    edit: IED is correct. Find one of these groups for yourself.
    Last edited by jetm; 04.15.05 at 07:18 AM.

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.12.01
    Age
    48
    Location
    Massachusetts by way of the Great State of New Jersey
    Posts
    7,745
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Changes with the day
    Last Online

    12.15.17 @ 07:38 PM
    Likes
    30
    Liked 546 Times in 327 Posts


    Premium Member

    Donor

    Default

    Check this out:

    Alateen

    I'm serious, this is my Dear Abby moment for the day

    Good luck.

  12. #12
    carpe damn diem billy007's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.19.00
    Age
    54
    Location
    On the wild card line...
    Posts
    28,682
    Favorite VH Song

    "Dance The Night Away"
    Last Online

    12.15.17 @ 05:35 PM
    Likes
    1,046
    Liked 1,350 Times in 926 Posts

    Default

    I wish I could help you out but I have no words to offer other than I've been there - I had step parents and now I am a step parent.

    My sister use to have all sorts of problems with my step-mom - I didn't, probably mostly because a: I didn't live with them and b: I was the good child
    As I got older, though, my mom started dating a man who was a drinker and after we moved into his house in my junior year, he and I used to clash a lot. Over stupid things. Like my room was over the living room and God forbid I accidentally drop something and make a noise. My mom separated from him while I was in college but then reconciled and married him after I got out, and amazingly they've been married ever since. It's always an uncomfortable time though still for me to be around him. He's continued to drink - had accidents (none behind the wheel of a car, however) and swore he was going to stop, and he would for awhile but soon be right back on it. I don't know - I think my mom needs that security blanket of having him around or whatever, because they rarely do anything together (but my whole family up there is weird anyway).

    As for being a step-parent, I find it to be most difficult. I do my best not to show favouritism to my own son, but it's hard, especially when he does something just like me. My oldest son and I get along fine, but the middle one and I have had a lot of clashes. I've been trying harder especially with my wife travelling all the time now, but some days it's hard, especially when he seems to reject everything I've tried to instill in him.

    But anyway, do what you can. Get support where you can - we're certainly here for you. Ultimately, though, it all comes down to your mom - if she loves this man and wants to stay with him then he's going to be around and you just have to do your best to coexist with him.

 

 

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •