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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk sixstring's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.22.04
    Age
    45
    Location
    texas
    Posts
    9,852
    Favorite VH Album

    1984 / 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    the ones with ed on them.
    Last Online

    07.20.17 @ 02:42 PM
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    Donor

    ... its so funny it has to be true!

    Priceless. Just HAD to pass this one on to everyone...


    For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for
    the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent
    computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
    computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had
    kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
    would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the
    gallon."

    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
    release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,
    we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics
    (and I just love this part):

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would
    have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
    reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close
    all of the windows, shut ! off the car, restart it, and reopen
    the windows before you could continue. For some reason you
    would simply accept this.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
    cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which
    case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
    reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but
    would run on only five percent of the roads.

    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
    would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An
    Illegal Operation" warning light.

    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

    8. Occaionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
    you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
    lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the
    radio antenna.

    9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
    learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
    would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
    Last edited by sixstring; 04.13.05 at 08:35 AM. Reason: font change
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    "20 minutes (late to work)? Shit. Last year I woke up three weeks too late.
    My advice is to go for the alien abduction story. Look bemused, dishevelled and on the verge of tears as you recount your story of intrusive and degrading medical tests.
    Worked for me anyway. I still have colleagues asking me what it is like to fuck a green womanoid with seventeen breasts.
    Alternatively just walk in and inform everyone that alcoholism is indeed a disease and that they should be less judgemental and perhaps a little more supportive."
    - graeme on the addiction to this place.

    "something tells me that after the nuclear holocaust, there'll be twinkies, cockroaches, and a dave vs. sammy argument going on somewhere".
    - han valen, 6.11.04

    "in my best "saw" scary movie voice: "oh, yes, there will be beagles."
    - hatchetforce, 6.7.06

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium
    Join Date
    07.23.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Annapolis, MD
    Posts
    5,445
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    W/O U, WIL, & HFT
    Last Online

    12.15.17 @ 05:52 AM
    Likes
    98
    Liked 433 Times in 167 Posts


    Donor

    Good one six and those statements are soooooo true!!!
    Rock the Red!!!

    "Give Doc the shotgun. They're less apt to get nervy if he's on the street howitzer."

    "Dying ain't much of a living, boy."

    Save a Terrapin - Fear a Turtle

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk TheresOnlyOneWay's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.13.04
    Location
    Avengers Tower
    Posts
    10,149
    Favorite VH Album

    Chickenfoot III
    Favorite VH Song

    Different Devil
    Last Online

    11.30.17 @ 11:15 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 340 Times in 184 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    That's great! I love my Mac!
    Sammy did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    Michael did the impossible. He made Van Halen better. Deal with it.
    --------------------------
    IAMA I am a stage hand for big mainstream artists. (self.IAmA)

    Q: who was the biggest douche that you have worked with?

    A: Eddie Van Halen hands down he threatened all the stage hands that if we wernt all pushed to the side when he got off stage that he would "bash our faces in"

    Now the new David-Lee-Roth-Van Halen album, “Tokyo Dome In Concert,” is available for purchase, and it’s super, super, super, super, super, super, crazy bad. - Doug Elfman

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
    Likes
    54
    Liked 40 Times in 29 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    This is pretty old, but it is still funny.
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  5. #5
    On Fire Pleasure_dome_5150's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.15.05
    Location
    lincolnshire. England
    Posts
    326
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen,1984,Fuck,
    Favorite VH Song

    LUTS,ddl,Amsterdam
    Last Online

    03.24.12 @ 06:27 PM
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    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    So true, so true.
    "I talked to the cancer. I told the f*cker the party was over" - Eddie Van Halen

    "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman". - Homer Simpson


  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing! the_atomic_punks_rule's Avatar
    Join Date
    05.27.04
    Location
    Jersey- Home of the Devils
    Posts
    2,766
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Today- Bottom's Up!
    Last Online

    12.20.16 @ 03:09 PM
    Likes
    1
    Liked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default

    Every time I read that thing it makes me laugh. I haven't seen that around in awhile. It's so true.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk WinterlessIceness's Avatar
    Join Date
    09.03.03
    Age
    32
    Location
    Newcastle, Great North of England
    Posts
    10,095
    Last Online

    07.05.17 @ 10:26 AM
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    0
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    Donor

    Default

    I liked the part about Mac

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk BREW CREW's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.09.00
    Age
    45
    Posts
    11,665
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen 1
    Favorite VH Song

    Somebody Get Me A Doctor
    Last Online

    08.27.17 @ 09:39 AM
    Likes
    45
    Liked 185 Times in 105 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeoHalen
    This is pretty old, but it is still funny.
    Darn funny and true!
    Just go for it!

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.29.02
    Age
    41
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    17,830
    Favorite VH Album

    F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 05:57 AM
    Likes
    54
    Liked 40 Times in 29 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

    www.geocaching.com - The site where you are the search engine.

  10. #10
    Eruption 5150time04's Avatar
    Join Date
    11.20.03
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    1,004
    Last Online

    05.11.05 @ 04:04 PM
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    0
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    Default

    Very funny and true.

  11. #11
    Hang 'Em High janthraxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    05.12.03
    Age
    32
    Location
    Emerald Triangle
    Posts
    6,614
    Favorite VH Album

    CVH minus DD, FUCK, Balance
    Favorite VH Song

    Humans Being, 5150
    Last Online

    11.18.14 @ 07:57 PM
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    0
    Liked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default

    Fuck you Bill Gates.



    Mish, you know why. My comp SUCKS!
    "Suck a fat one, faggot."
    -MikeL, showing off that sharp wit of his.

    "You may recognize some of these chemicals. Let's start with cyanide...The one the Aum Shinrikyo cult attempted to use to commit mass murder in a Tokyo subway in May 1995...The same cyanide produced routinely--1.4 million tons per year--for use in the production of plastics, adhesives, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and so on. It seems that those who put small amounts of cyanide in subways are terrorists. But those who produce it in mass quantities and contaminate broad reaches of soil, water, and air, killing countless living beings, are not terrorists, but rather capitalists, and are counted among the finest and most powerful people on the planet."

    -Derrick Jensen, "What We Leave Behind"

    "You know what's weird to me is Christians who are against the death penalty. After all, if it weren't for the death penalty, we wouldn't celebrate Easter!"

    -the late, great, Bill Hicks

 

 

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