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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    Default The Sick-ass Lobster Story

    ----------WARNING------------
    I just got this from my sister-in-law in an email...
    Not for the weak-hearted....

















    The Sick-ass Lobster Story
    Gross, Really Really Gross

    One morning around 5am, 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina, a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.

    When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

    Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiled bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

    If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

    Ms DeLucci's death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

    It is believed by police that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
    gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion.

    The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.

    The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it.

    Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "SeaMonkey" pets sold throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes!!!

    You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.........

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Are you fucking kidding me?


    Dude, if you made that up, brav- fucking -oh. Jesus, what a story.

    If it's true...oh boy, the people in this world.

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk fast98dodge's Avatar
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    If this is true, I think this bitch should definitely be nominated for the Darwin Award!
    Last edited by fast98dodge; 01.26.05 at 07:24 PM.
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  4. #4
    Baluchitherium Mikey Metalhead's Avatar
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    debunked by snopes over 4 years ago, dont believe everything you read on the internet... better yet, dont believe anything you read on the internet.

    http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/lobster.htm
    I SURVIVED TEXAS LINKERS WEEKEND I, II, III, IV and VI and VII.barely made it to VIII time to slow down
    I musta had a broken middle finger for V
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  5. #5
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mikey Metalhead
    debunked by snopes over 4 years ago, dont believe everything you read on the internet... better yet, dont believe anything you read on the internet.

    http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/lobster.htm

    Ah, thank the gods...nice catch, Mikey...

    Still, quite a piece of art.

  6. #6
    Casting Shade
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    That is nasty! If that's true its one of the worst things I've ever heard.
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  7. #7
    Summer Nights in Cabo SNIC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mikey Metalhead
    debunked by snopes over 4 years ago, dont believe everything you read on the internet... better yet, dont believe anything you read on the internet.

    http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/lobster.htm
    Like Mark Twain said, "Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear."

  8. #8
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    and on that note
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

 

 

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