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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk ZeoBandit's Avatar
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    Default We got a Darwin Award finalist!

    Here is a finalist for the Darwin Awards:

    http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/18/bal....ap/index.html
    "What we are dealing with here, is a complete lack of respect for the law" - Jackie Gleason, Smokey and the Bandit

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  2. #2
    Atomic Punk Lodewijk's Avatar
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    The thinning of the herd ! Thank God for stupid people , without whom , we would be overpopulated !
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  3. #3
    Atomic Punk FH's Avatar
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    "Watch to see what I can still do!"

    Pure comedy on so many levels.

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    Unchained only letters and numbers's Avatar
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    It does bring to mind the old joke about a hillbilly's last words - "Hey y'all, watch this!"

    But at the same time, who among us didn't do something stupid when we were 23, like that young lady. When you're young, you feel invincible. I don't know, I understand how it's definitely a Darwin qualifier, but that story kind of left me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
    January 5, 2005 - Resurrection

  5. #5
    Romeo Delight kudiew's Avatar
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    Check this one out! It just happened this weekend.

    A 61-year-old woman was killed when she jumped from a cab that was sliding down a steep hill in the Mount Scott neighborhood on Sunday night.

    The woman was pinned beneath the rear axle of the cab while it slid more than 100 feet down a hillside, said Clackamas County fire and rescue crews.

    Officials say jumping from a moving vehicle is extremely dangerous in any weather. But when it's icy outside, it's even more likely you could be struck by another vehicle, trapped underneath or be slammed into a stationary object, such as a tree or utility pole.

    The name of the victim had not been released pending notification of her family.

  6. #6
    Hot sauce on everything Red's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kudiew
    Check this one out! It just happened this weekend.

    A 61-year-old woman was killed when she jumped from a cab that was sliding down a steep hill in the Mount Scott neighborhood on Sunday night.

    The woman was pinned beneath the rear axle of the cab while it slid more than 100 feet down a hillside, said Clackamas County fire and rescue crews.

    Officials say jumping from a moving vehicle is extremely dangerous in any weather. But when it's icy outside, it's even more likely you could be struck by another vehicle, trapped underneath or be slammed into a stationary object, such as a tree or utility pole.

    The name of the victim had not been released pending notification of her family.
    Wow, I saw a lady do this same thing last weekend on the Weather Channel. I believe it was in the Denver area, all these cars kept sliding into one another, and someone had it on camera. Her car was sliding at maybe 5 mph, and she opens the door and jumps right out. She just barely got out of the way before the next car came sliding in...two seconds to spare, maybe. What if she had slipped trying to get up? I understand being scared to hit something, but that was just stupid.....

  7. #7
    Eruption DaleT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by only letters and numbers
    It does bring to mind the old joke about a hillbilly's last words - "Hey y'all, watch this!"

    But at the same time, who among us didn't do something stupid when we were 23, like that young lady. When you're young, you feel invincible. I don't know, I understand how it's definitely a Darwin qualifier, but that story kind of left me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
    I know what ya mean. I'm sure there are many of us that if we looked back at our youth, could think of something that we did and could say to ourselves, "Wow that was really stupid, I could've really been hurt or killed."

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaleT
    I know what ya mean. I'm sure there are many of us that if we looked back at our youth, could think of something that we did and could say to ourselves, "Wow that was really stupid, I could've really been hurt or killed."
    That may be true, but I can also look back and say I wasn't stupid enough to challenge elemental physics simply because I had a liver marinating in Morgan Spiced.
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  9. #9
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum
    That may be true, but I can also look back and say I wasn't stupid enough to challenge elemental physics simply because I had a liver marinating in Morgan Spiced.

    I'm digin' that kind of thinking, red jumpy. Out.
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  10. #10
    Sinner's Swing! emm5150's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red
    Wow, I saw a lady do this same thing last weekend on the Weather Channel. I believe it was in the Denver area, all these cars kept sliding into one another, and someone had it on camera. Her car was sliding at maybe 5 mph, and she opens the door and jumps right out. She just barely got out of the way before the next car came sliding in...two seconds to spare, maybe. What if she had slipped trying to get up? I understand being scared to hit something, but that was just stupid.....
    LOL...I saw that too, stupid bitch!!!

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by track 5
    I'm digin' that kind of thinking, red jumpy. Out.
    I may be a drunk, but I'm a thinkin' drunk.
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  12. #12
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    This is still my favorite story from the Darwin Awards site. Too bad it's been dimissed as nothing more than an urban legend. Still funny as hell.

    (1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert.

    Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.

    According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.

    They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side.

    Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch. Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes below.

    As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down, losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch, effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous pain.
    Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake.

    Uhlenake had observed the series of tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries.

    "So that's how a dead 255 lb. man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.

    Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97: Declared an urban legend by on the following grounds: Intensive searching of online Washington State newspapers failed to produce validation. The statement attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum. And the editor of another Darwin Awards page, officialDarwinAwards.com, actually contacted the Washington State sheriff's office, which disclaimed knowledge of this story.

    The statement attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum.
    Yeah, suuuuure. I've partied with cops before. They tell the stories better than anyone and have the newspaper clippings to back them up.
    Last edited by LLFHS; 01.19.05 at 07:56 AM.
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  13. #13
    Baluchitherium
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    What F'in Dumb-asses!!!

    And the nominees this year in reverse order are.....

    7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was aproximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearin g a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. (Damn it...I want pictures!!!)

    5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreakage with their pants around their ankles.

    4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County polic e said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

    AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

    Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the b all washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

    NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
    Rock the Red!!!

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  14. #14
    Eruption DaleT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LowLifeFlatHeadScum
    That may be true, but I can also look back and say I wasn't stupid enough to challenge elemental physics simply because I had a liver marinating in Morgan Spiced.
    Yea, I guess that's where the phrase, "acceptable risk" comes in. A point that moves around on the risk factor scale, widely influenced by age, level of intoxication, education, and just plain idiocy. I'm at a point of my life now that the first three arn't much of a problem, but that fourth one still pops-ups, and becomes a factor from time to time.

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaleT
    Yea, I guess that's where the phrase, "acceptable risk" comes in. A point that moves around on the risk factor scale, widely influenced by age, level of intoxication, education, and just plain idiocy. I'm at a point of my life now that the first three arn't much of a problem, but that fourth one still pops-ups, and becomes a factor from time to time.
    Well, the 'plain idiocy' factor for me comes usually in the form of...."Yeah, I can get that chick's number. No sweat!" If I die, it'll be from sheer embarrassment.
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