Follow us on...
Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Facebook Watch us on YouTube
Register
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 80
  1. #1
    Atomic Punk Van Squalen's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.21.03
    Posts
    22,207
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 01:48 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 1,608 Times in 990 Posts


    Donor

    Default An Homage to the New VHLinks - Ode to Van Halen

    I can hear the opening band winding down, at last. Like they ever had a chance. Three quarters of the arena are still out here in the parking lot, mixing it up, hootin' and hollerin' between shots of Jack and bites of grilled keilbasa. Every few minutes some drunken fool's cryin' about Van Hagar, and lamenting the Diamond years, and then he's pelted with empty cans of Bud, while a chorus of mullets reminds him he's here, ain't he?

    Sucka passes me a fat zeppelin-size jay, and I toke on it lightly, but I cough up half a lung anyway. He laughs and starts telling me about another recent double-D conquest. The man's insatiable, evidently. My breath is laced with Tennessee gas and Marlboro spice, and my head's swimming with just the right amount of anticipation. I'm 'bout ready to head in. But there's the others...

    A smoking fire barrel smolders in the midst of us, providing a makeshift grill and warmth. A massive four-by Ford, banana yellow, jacked up to its rafters, rumbles by, blasting Hot for Teacher. Nobody plays Sammy stuff while tailgating. It's all six pack, baby. The banana rod's chrome suspension gleams in the twilight.

    Brett snickers as its driver bellows out the window, "Halen rules!"
    "Yeah, we know, dumbshit." the prodigal webmeister murmurs.
    "I gotta have some Encino reject tell me this?" Seenbad adds.
    "He's probably ex-Spetznatz relocated to US Black Ops, Southern California branch." MikeL throws in.
    "Maybe it was Dave." Dan Halen says.
    "Too much hair to be Davey." Extreme Red Roth says.
    "Nah, it was the Wabos' talent scout." Cyberfiddl replies.
    "Somebody please give me my clothes back." Olo says, shivering in the cold.

    The driver's passenger, some Goth babe draped in black rosaries and thick eyeshadow, only too apparently Xing or having dropped some serious 'Sid, yells out "We're walking MEAN STREETS!"

    In tandem, as one, the vast group of Linkers in chorus: "Mean Street, you moron!"

    I chuckle, and look across the fire at 'Paw. He looks pretty happy to be outta the Chicago blizzard cycle, but more so that our favorite guitar player's gonna be playin' live in front of us shortly. He hoists a jug of Cabo neatly in the crook of his arm and pounds a couple swigs. He's set.

    "Did I ever mention that Sam rules?" he says, a cocksure grin on his face.
    I smirk knowingly. "I believe you've mentioned that once or twice." I offer.
    "Aw, no you didn't say that, Green machine." Seenbad replies. "Everybody knows Mitch Malloy was the end-all, now shaddap."

    A pleasant calm rides over our moderately sized crew. Nearby, a nicely rebuilt '67 Camaro rocks back and forth, with some gusto. Inside, Summer Nights and Texas Poundcake do what they do best. We only know it's Heather by the soles of her feet up on the windshield. Those two oughta get a room. Or wait 'til after the friggin' show. Wacky.

    Shmoozing with the yellow-jacketed golf cart driving security guards are the Euro crew who flew over here for the occasion...Eddie'sAngel bats her eyes, her Ed clone in tow (possibly oblivious to the fact that tonight, at the very least, given that it's finally at long last her first time seeing Van Halen live, that he'll certainly be supplanted in her mind while they're carnally celebrating by the real deal himself). Leo's brought some of that Dutch Panana Red for JMJ, and they're toking away as they should be. Meanwhile, Mishar's sulking in a corner, his 'Bring Back Gary' banner torn to shreds.

    Glenn and Goo oversee it all from the perch atop the ramshackle RV housing many of us tonight, their lordly yet ominous and obviously deranged souls taking in the air and ambience of the smokey, urine-stained boozy blacktop sea surrounding us on all sides, waves and rows of limos and trucks and Datsuns and Corollas. They take turns spitballing anybody within reach, including Janthraxx (who snarls menacingly deep from inside his hooded trenchcoat - a wicked nothing underneath, as always) - and Wray, who snores grandly from his rickety aluminum armchair by the fire.

    Lowlifeflathead bellows once more: "Last round of Q'd sausage!"
    "I got yer sausage right here." VH Chick says saucily. She, like nearly all the other Halen squeezes present at this audacious gathering, is dressed to kill ala Van Halen bimbo style, tightly bound in a nearly see-through washed-too-many-times FUCK tour t-shirt, acid-washed denims from the 80's, hightop Converses. Lead Synth and Evh'sLover continue to try and convince here that a Jello-covered threesome might be a good thing after the show, but no, she's a good girl. Every present man's efforts notwithstanding.

    Over by the dumpsters, wallowing in the sticky filth of their own dogma, EVH Fanatic and Eddymon are still brawling. The whining cacophony of bitchslaps and fingernail scratching is almost drowned out by Wray's snoring.

    Timmac's cell phone rings. It's Perticelli, who was involuntarily elected to hold our floor seats for all of us. He's upset...he had to endure the opening band. Still, gotta admire the fortitude. Jimmy walks back from the tshirt scalper line near the entrance with armfuls of cheap unofficial swag. He takes a shot of JD, humming Ice Cream Man all the while.

    "I've got it bad." Yankee Rose says.
    "So bad." Motion Blur says.
    "That's it, we're going." Brett says.

    And as one, all of us stand and head in, stopping only long enough to rouse Summer Cabo Nights and Texas 'Cake outta the Camaro. Cabot takes pity on Olo and hands him an old pair of tightey whities.

    We stir through the cast of thousands, so many old folks, ex Harley dudes in creaking leathers with ratty Invasion tour tees, red bandannas and wallets with chains. Silicone blondes now forty-five who undoubtedly used to blow roadies to get backstage mill about the corn dog stands. The merchandise hawkers display their wares...heck, a Taiwanese cotton tee for only a C-Note? It's a fuckin' bargain. How often does Halen play, right? Suckers, we are.

    Odors of spilled beer and cigarettes, weed and piss and musky body sweat fill our nostrils as we descend the arena aisles, the buzz and moan of a rock and roll crowd yawning and stretching, caterwauling and yelling, restless exhaustion coupled with the stink of adrenalin.

    The lights quit, and a guitar rips in, and the multitudes roar, and nobody has to tell us Linksters what the fuck is up. Because we do indeed know what fucking is up.

    And for a while, a short while, but a while nonetheless, none of us are Rothtards or Hagaritas, none of us are right wing or left wing, none of us are atheists or theological purists, none of us are presidents or psychopaths.

    We all just dig good Edward Van Halen music.

    And for a while, it is good.




    Disclaimer: Apologies to any and all of those I've neglected to mention...believe me, I'd like to, but ten thousand members, ya know?

    Happy New Year, boys and girls, and here's to five and half more years.
    Last edited by Van Squalen; 01.05.05 at 11:17 PM.

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk LLFHS's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.08.04
    Location
    Secret Witness Protection Location
    Posts
    31,731
    Favorite VH Album

    Anything Mike played on
    Favorite VH Song

    Anything Mike played on
    Last Online

    07.30.17 @ 08:59 PM
    Likes
    34
    Liked 60 Times in 35 Posts


    Donor

    Default



    Just kiddin......that was uber-cool, Squalen!
    LowLifeFlatHeadScum

    [sigpic][/sigpic]


    Your Hacked Nude Photo Here!

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! Darkstar's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.04.00
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    2,784
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Too Many!
    Last Online

    12.04.14 @ 11:23 PM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 5 Times in 4 Posts

    Default

    Dude, that RULED!!!!!! It's been a long night here at the hospital and I needed a laugh. Thanks!
    Love should NOT be work, it should be as easy as breathing Dave's Dreidel

    My god, our government has less secrets than Van Halen. Emperor Brett

    I'm a Democrat and an Atheist, but I've yet to receive my ticket to Hell. Is this something I call Live Nation about or what? JakeK21

    I feel it takes far more energy to hate than love. Well outside of Obamacare, How Many Say I and Heineken beer. ziggysmalls

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Little Dreamer's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.25.99
    Age
    45
    Location
    Pasadena, CA, USA
    Posts
    8,938
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Hear About It Later
    Last Online

    12.13.17 @ 10:58 PM
    Likes
    1,005
    Liked 1,385 Times in 760 Posts

    Home, the only one I know...

    Cool long-ass post, Van Squalen.
    Uh, I don't know if I did everything I was suposed to do when posting... it seemed to recognize my log-in and password, but it didn't ask for my post count or registration date...
    It's definitely our new home, even though the look is, er, different. We'll be patient.
    Thanks for the good work Brett!
    Little Dreamer

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk Little Dreamer's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.25.99
    Age
    45
    Location
    Pasadena, CA, USA
    Posts
    8,938
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Hear About It Later
    Last Online

    12.13.17 @ 10:58 PM
    Likes
    1,005
    Liked 1,385 Times in 760 Posts

    Default

    By the way, my post count should read 803, and my registration date is 11.25.99, not 12.25.99

    Thanks!

    LD
    Little Dreamer

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk stilleddiesangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    03.30.04
    Location
    A Brit in Texas
    Posts
    9,106
    Favorite VH Album

    Have a soft spot for F*U*C*K
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained/Mine All Mine
    Last Online

    08.25.17 @ 05:45 PM
    Likes
    82
    Liked 30 Times in 11 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    LMAO.. very funny..nice one!!
    ****Texas - Home Of My Heart****

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Hot For Teacher chas's Avatar
    Join Date
    06.10.04
    Location
    Guam U.S.A.
    Posts
    259
    Favorite VH Album

    The Magnificent 7 & F.U.C.K.
    Favorite VH Song

    at the moment House of Pain
    Last Online

    08.31.15 @ 01:43 PM
    Likes
    1
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Quote Originally Posted by stilleddiesangel
    LMAO.. very funny..nice one!!
    Great stuff!! Shucks almost brought a tear to my eye!

  8. #8
    Good Enough extreme red roth's Avatar
    Join Date
    04.01.03
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    1,878
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen, 1984, 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Today? Stay Frosty
    Last Online

    06.16.17 @ 09:53 AM
    Likes
    3
    Liked 104 Times in 44 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    I don't rate...You think you mean something to people, and then you don't get mentioned in an important thread with all the other characters...ha! Only kidding, nice work, Squal.
    The Barn Burned Down, Now I can See the Moon

  9. #9
    Good Enough mike zack's Avatar
    Join Date
    01.26.00
    Age
    41
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    2,376
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained
    Last Online

    12.14.17 @ 06:08 AM
    Likes
    215
    Liked 629 Times in 293 Posts

    Default

    Fuck off to the Hackers! I heard ya missed us were back!!!
    VH RULES!
    21 Shows Attended 1993-2015

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk Lodewijk's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.15.03
    Age
    47
    Location
    Spring, TX.
    Posts
    13,543
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    She's The Woman, Mean Street
    Last Online

    05.21.17 @ 06:59 AM
    Likes
    6
    Liked 44 Times in 20 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    Don't fret Red , I guess we ALL can't be included with the "beautiful people" !

    I know my role ! LOL !
    Lode's Facebook
    @Lode13 on Twitter

  11. #11
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    11.12.03
    Posts
    17,322
    Favorite VH Album

    1978-1996
    Favorite VH Song

    1978-1996
    Last Online

    12.23.16 @ 10:32 AM
    Likes
    4,364
    Liked 2,068 Times in 1,102 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    It was Reposado Cabo right? I don't drink that Blanco shit and I can't afford the other one


    That rocked Squalen

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing! vh_chick's Avatar
    Join Date
    05.28.04
    Age
    46
    Location
    SE Michigan
    Posts
    3,304
    Favorite VH Album

    WACF, Balance
    Favorite VH Song

    Little Guitars, Unchained, HB
    Last Online

    09.05.15 @ 07:55 AM
    Likes
    9
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts


    Donor

    I am SO honored to be included in the story! And you know, I do have some Chuck Taylor Converse somewhere... I had three pair! LOL

    "I got yer sausage right here!" Ooo, I think I should add that to my sig line...

    Shari
    "Hey, thanks for the bracelet! Was that one for me?" - Michael Anthony to me in the Golden Ring in Grand Rapids, MI July 9, 2004
    July 9, 2004 - Mike pressed a guitar pick into my hand!
    "We're in the right place!" EVH @ The Joe in Detroit, July 10, 2004
    "Hey! What's up!?" - Mikey, upon recognizing me in the Golden Ring in Chicago after getting his second bracelet, July 21, 2004
    "What is uuuuuuuuuup!!!???" - Mike to me in Detroit, May 12th, 2005, after receiving third bracelet.
    "You found me again!" - Mike to me in Detroit, Nov. 2, 2007

  13. #13
    Baluchitherium Leo Van Newhouse's Avatar
    Join Date
    02.02.03
    Age
    33
    Location
    Wham Bam Amsterdam, The Netherlands
    Posts
    5,169
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

    Atomic Punk
    Last Online

    08.14.13 @ 03:25 AM
    Likes
    0
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    That was sweet dude, thanks for the mention too
    THE PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT : Representing DAVID LEE ROTH in all his glory!!!!!!!!!

    JH: "How was your New Years Eve show at the House Of Blues?"
    DLR: "James...I AM New Years Eve!"

    "To keep up with me, you must be fast. To sing like me, you must be great. To beat me? You must be kidding?" David Lee Roth

    "I'm gonna want to rock out w/ my cock out instead of playing anal taper dork." Colonel Sanders


    ANOTHER HOSTILE TAKEOVER COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. #14
    Pope Of Greenwich Village SuckaInA3Piece's Avatar
    Join Date
    09.26.02
    Age
    37
    Location
    Philadelphia, PA
    Posts
    18,444
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen II
    Favorite VH Song

    Drop Dead Legs
    Last Online

    08.28.17 @ 03:27 PM
    Likes
    228
    Liked 98 Times in 54 Posts


    Donor

    Default

    For the record, I've never inhaled....
    "It's always a Catch-22 situation. They hate you if you're the same, and they hate you if you're different."
    ~Eddie Van Halen~

    "The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, and then turns into a pizza."
    ~David Lee Roth~

    Sucka'sFacebook

  15. #15
    Hang 'Em High RRMB's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.09.03
    Age
    47
    Location
    EyeOhWuh
    Posts
    6,794
    Favorite VH Album

    The 1 that had that 1 song
    Favorite VH Song

    Runaround, MWM, MAM
    Last Online

    05.21.17 @ 06:42 PM
    Likes
    2
    Liked 9 Times in 4 Posts

    Default

    Suddenly realizing that they are being left behind by the ingrates, wray wrestles from his delightful nap of a skinny dip with the members of the Bad-Ass Chick thread.

    He jumps to his feet and yell to parking stalls down..."yo, extreme red roth, smack RRMB in the back of the head and tell him to get rid of that Kerry/Edwards bumpersticker, they're leaving us behind bro."

    With that ERR literally smacks RRMB upside the head as they gawk over at Sweet Emotion and blacknblue wrapping up a blacktop sunbath. Arm in arm the four of them start singing together
    ..."we're off to see the wizard...
    the wizard on the guitar...




    Sorry, felt left out
    "Jesus, that fucker just crawled out of his hen house that was destroyed by the Alabama tornados. Fucking 280mph plus winds sucked the gleam off this bitch and passed it on to a bird in Rhoad Island." - Hurricane Halen 5/3/11 (about my birthday chicken from seenbad)

    "Pete is this big, loud muthafucker with a big ass heart, y'all!!!!---------" - Hurricane Halen 9/27/13

    "Princess Freckle-Tits hasn't had a good day." LLFHS 7/8/10 (on Lindsay Lohans' legal drama)


    http://www.facebook.com/RedRockinMonkeyBoy

    CHILDREN OF "THE FOOT" UNITE

 

 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04.24.05, 12:13 PM
  2. VHLinks.com
    By Mr. Clown in forum VH Songs/Albums/Videos
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04.01.02, 09:25 PM
  3. To VHLinks.com
    By Mr. Clown in forum Main VH Discussion
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04.01.02, 09:13 PM
  4. VHLinks
    By Etch in forum VHLinks Feedback & Troubleshooting
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 04.01.01, 05:39 PM
  5. VHLinks
    By Etch in forum VH Fans Meeting Place (Non-Music)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04.01.01, 05:04 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •