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  1. #1
    From The Original Hollywood Squares TV Show:

    These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

    Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q: True or false ... a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes ...

    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's
    A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
    A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

    Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
    A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
    A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter ... and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

    Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

    Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

    Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

    Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

    Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
    A: Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

    Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
    A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

    Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
    A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

    Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
    A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

    Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
    A: Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.

    Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

    Q: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
    A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

    Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q: Do female frogs croak?
    A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
    A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

  2. #2
    Hot For Teacher
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    all, but esp WACF
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    *spits water at comp screen*

    damn...warn me time, k chelle? lol!
    The pessimist says the cup is half empty. The optimist says it's half full. The pragmatist says its liquid contents are at 50% capacity. The ironist says its half full of air. The plumber says the cup must be leaking. George Carlin says the cup is too big. The Starbucks employee says its so you have room for cream. The conspiracy theorist says aliens took the other half. The baseball player says his cup is definitely full. MacGuyver says he can build a powerful explosive with it. The psychoanalyst says the cup is your mother. The punk sitting next to you also says the cup is your mother. The romance novelist says the cup is a willing receptacle to the wild gushing torrents of pure passion from the hard chiseled urn. The zen master says There is no cup. Pamela Anderson says her cups are definitely full. Me? Refill!

  3. #3
    hehehe....which part of "too damn funny" did you not understand?

  4. #4
    On Fire CHRIS's Avatar
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    Diver Down
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    All Of Them
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    02.17.12 @ 06:35 PM
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    Premium Member


    Now that stuff was funny!! Thanks Michelle. [img]smile.gif[/img]
    This Member:Van Halen Fan EST. 1978

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium Lead Synth's Avatar
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    02.22.16 @ 07:29 AM
    Liked 4 Times in 1 Post


    HA!! GREAT schtuff, Chelle!!

    "VH rocked Staples like a foot rocks grapes in Naples." - mistere



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