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  1. #1
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    02.13.02
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    LB
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    1,547
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Mean Street / Love Walks In
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.
    _____
    What's the best form of birth control after the age of 50?
    Nudity.
    _____
    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.
    _____
    What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    45 lbs.
    _____
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.
    _____
    How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
    ____
    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.
    ____
    Why are men and parking spaces alike?
    Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.
    _____
    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.
    _____
    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.
    _____
    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
    _____
    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
    _____
    Why does the bride always wear white?
    Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
    _____
    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.
    _____
    What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
    Say, "Nice Dick."
    _____
    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.
    ______
    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
    _____
    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    Are you sure it's mine?"
    _____
    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
    _____
    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.
    _____
    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
    Everyone has the same DNA.
    _____
    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.
    _____
    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
    _____
    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."
    _____
    Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
    _____
    What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
    A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
    _____
    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    Row row row your boat.
    _____
    What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
    A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

    (Same friend...Very funny today!)

    [ June 12, 2002, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: Fabulous Shadow aka VHL ]
    <a href="http://www.vhwalkathon.org" target="_blank">VHWalkathon - Project 316</a><br /><br />EVH: The music is first and foremost. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it will always be. Because without the music, what is there? Nothing. There's nothing without the music. You can't even cop an attitude without the music (laughs).

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    05.31.00
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    Lexington, KY
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Hear About It Later, Atomic Pu
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    Originally posted by Fabulous Shadow aka VHL:

    What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
    A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

  3. #3
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    02.13.02
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    LB
    Posts
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Mean Street / Love Walks In
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Originally posted by Wolfman:


    <a href="http://www.vhwalkathon.org" target="_blank">VHWalkathon - Project 316</a><br /><br />EVH: The music is first and foremost. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it will always be. Because without the music, what is there? Nothing. There's nothing without the music. You can't even cop an attitude without the music (laughs).

  4. #4
    Test5150
    Guest
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.

    So true [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! twonabomber's Avatar
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    12.08.16 @ 03:21 AM
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    what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
    nothing, you've told her twice already...
    "is this a good show tonight, or fuckin' what?" - DLR, Montreal, 11/10/07

    Toronto 10/7...Cleveland 10/10...Toronto 10/12...Montreal 11/10

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing! twonabomber's Avatar
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    12.08.16 @ 03:21 AM
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    why does a woman smile as she walks down the aisle on her wedding day? because she knows she's given her last blowjob...
    "is this a good show tonight, or fuckin' what?" - DLR, Montreal, 11/10/07

    Toronto 10/7...Cleveland 10/10...Toronto 10/12...Montreal 11/10

  7. #7
    Banned!
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    10.02.01
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    NJ
    Posts
    349
    Favorite VH Album

    VAN HALEN I
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    What is OJ Simpson favorite holiday?

    Thanksgiving. He likes carving up white meat.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    12.12.01
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    48
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    Massachusetts by way of the Great State of New Jersey
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    7,748
    Favorite VH Album

    5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Changes with the day
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    12.17.17 @ 02:19 PM
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    Premium Member

    Donor

    Originally posted by Chelle:
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.

    So true [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Yeah, but only because the wife is looking at her watch saying "are you done yet?" on one of the few occassions they throw you one. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

    Oh, and by the way dear, if we're really gettin down, after 45 minutes, you're legs are jello and I haven't even put it in yet, so there. Mull that one over for a few minutes. [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Good Enough
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    Fairfax/San Francisco, CA
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    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning or 1984 by mood
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    Hear About It Later
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    07.19.13 @ 08:52 PM
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    Funny.

    I didn't even need to mull that over for a second.

    IED, your very handle has two of my favorite qualities in a gal.

    And no, "Dude" ain't one of 'em. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Classic Van Halen. In Pace Requiescant.

    "...sure I'm on zoloft. That's so I don't hafta kill none o' y'all..." - Mike Tyson

    and by the way...

    Eat Us And Smile.

  10. #10
    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    St. Louis, MO, U.S.A.
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    Fair Warning
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    "5150"
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    04.05.12 @ 09:06 AM
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    Donor

    How can you tell that your wife is dead?
    The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
    Scott Roberts
    The Official Scott Roberts Blog - http://www.scottrobertsweb.com
    FORMER owner of The VH Trade Site - http://www.vhtrading.com

  11. #11
    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    "5150"
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    Donor

    Why shouldn't you ever give your wife a watch as a present?
    Because there's already a clock on the stove.
    Scott Roberts
    The Official Scott Roberts Blog - http://www.scottrobertsweb.com
    FORMER owner of The VH Trade Site - http://www.vhtrading.com

  12. #12
    Good Enough Wolfie3's Avatar
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    Baltimore, MD
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    1,591
    Favorite VH Album

    VHII, FW, 1984, 5150, ADKOT
    Favorite VH Song

    You want me to pick just one?
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    11.28.17 @ 09:02 PM
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    Why can't blondes make kool-aid?

    They can't fit two quarts of water into the little packet.

    [img]redface.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    "One of the reasons I left Sabbath was because Van Halen was blowing us off the stage every night. It was embarrassing." -Ozzy Osbourne

    "When I first heard "Runnin' With The Devil" on the radio, I was stunned and found myself dizzy, walking through my high school hallways thinking, "What was THAT?!"
    Eddie Van Halen was so innovative and kicked so much ass, and David Lee Roth was for a time indisputably the Greatest Man in America.
    If aliens came down and challenged us to a Battle of the Bands to decide the fate of Planet Earth, I would feel very confident putting early Van Halen forward as our champion." -Tom Morello

    "A lot of bands mature, which means they get square; they start delivering messages. Hey, you got a message, use Western Union." -DLR

  13. #13
    Romeo Delight
    Join Date
    01.11.02
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    in the Park
    Posts
    89
    Favorite VH Album

    the next one
    Favorite VH Song

    the next one
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    07.05.08 @ 09:25 PM
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    How do you stop your wife from smoking?

    Use some lube...

  14. #14
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    Massachusetts by way of the Great State of New Jersey
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    5150
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    Changes with the day
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    12.17.17 @ 02:19 PM
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    Premium Member

    Donor

    Had a list of these once, let's see what I can remember:

    What does a blonde say after having sex?
    Are you guys all on the same team?

    How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
    Opens the car door.

    What do a blonde and a 747 jet have in common?
    They both have black boxes

    What's the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
    They know how many went down on the Titanic

    What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
    If they are on their backs, they're fucked

    Mating call of a blonde: I think I'm getting drunk
    Mating call of a brunette: Has the blonde bitch left yet?

    How to keep a blond busy: give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them

    Did you hear about the blonde who was fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing away the W's.

    How do you bring a twinkle to a blonde's eyes?
    Shine a flashlight in her ear

    An average brunette, an intelligent blonde, and Santa Claus are walking along a beach. They come accross a $100 bill. Who picks it up?
    The brunette, silly, everybody knows the other two are make believe!!!

    Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
    More headroom

    Where does a blonde where pantyhose?
    Around her ankles

    I just know there were more, I can't remember them.

  15. #15
    Johnson Rod Pabs's Avatar
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    10.29.09 @ 12:50 PM
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    Donor

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Because it was dead.

    What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
    A brunette.
    CHICAGO WHITE SOX - 2005 WORLD CHAMPIONS

    The Chicago White Sox (1901-present) - The Original SOX - Proof

    The Boston Americans (1901)
    The Boston Somersets (1902)
    The Boston Pilgrims (1903-1906)
    The Boston Red Sox (1907-present) - Proof

    The Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets whatever you want to call them, have NEVER displayed "SOX" anywhere on their caps, jerseys, or merchandise, therefore they shouldn't be referred to as such. However, the White Sox have used "SOX" since 1912.

    The SOX are in Chicago...we just allow the Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets to use the name.

    2007 Fantasy Football Champion

 

 

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