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  1. #1
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Can't wait until May? Me, neither! This was posted at www.aintitcoolnews.com

    SPOLILERS GALORE!!!!

    Ok so the movie starts out with a freeze frame on Peter's face and we hear the whole "You think I'm just another ordinary guy, guess again blah blah blah" from the trailer. The we see Peter get punched by a guy with 2 guys behind him and this just happens to be Flash Thompson and his cronies.

    Flash by the way is made out to be just a big a jerk in the film as he WAS in the comics (even though now they are going back to his roots more aren't they?) Well we see poor Peter getting beat up and Mary Jane saving him and he tries to act smooth with her but he has no idea who the hell he is so she just smiles and runs away with Flash. And yes in this scene we do here her calling him Tiger.

    Then there's the exhibit ,Mary Jane notices one Spider is missing, the Spider bites Peter and we all know what happens. He starts getting sick on the bus he notices his wrists are irritated, gets home goes past his aunt and uncle and passes out. The next morning (and this is the version of the movie with the organic shooters) Peter wakes up covered in sticky white stuff (yes it makes for good laughs). He gets up sees the stuff coming out of slits in his wrists. He stands up sees his buffed up body (how the spider bite made him buff we'll never know but give me some of that) He realizes he doesn't need his glasses. Then there is a small exchange with Aunt Uncle and everything before Peter runs out. He runs into Mary Jane tries to mack on here again and a truck is about to hit him and the spider sense (which we see as hair standing up on the back of his neck) makes him jump up so he jumps up and is stuck on the side of a building climbs up and crushes a pipe (just like in the comics people) then he tries to figure out how to make the webs shoot so he stands there until he does the trademark 2 finger down thing and the webs sloppily shoot out of his wrists.

    After that Peter gets to school, Flash tries to pick on him again. We see a great display of Spider-Power punches Flash...next Scene we see is Mary Jane getting home we hear arguing...we're made to beleive that she's having a troubled life with her parents. There is no mention of Aunt Anna for you comic readers. Then we see Peter and Uncle Ben talking, Uncle Ben being all supportive there's some discussion about finances. Uncle Ben tells Peter he can't get a job it's his responsibility to take care of things not Peter or Aunt Mays. Peter sees the ad to win 3,000 dollars for staying in the ring 3 minuts with Bone Saw McGraw (not crusher hogan people) and it says "colorful characters" we see Peter making the costume, designing the webshooters, practicing using them. And then Uncle Ben gives him a ride to the "library" when Peter is actually going to the competition thing. Uncle Ben tells him he'll pick him up so Peter goes in. Then we see this big old guy kicking the shit out of another little guy (think wolverine fighting in cage in x men) Then Peter goes in pins the guy down (after some hilarity ensues of course) everyone cheers for Peter. Next we see Peter in the sponsors office but he only gives Peter 100 bucks because Peter didn't last the three minutes he pinned the guy down in (i think they said one so we'll just go with that). Peter is pissed he starts walking out as he's waiting for the elevator a guy comes running out, cop chasing after him we see the sponsor guy yelling to stop the theif cause he has his money and Peter bitterly lets him get away. And we all know what happens then don't we true believers? (even though it doesn't happen the same here)

    Peter gets outside Uncle Ben still isn't there...then he sees a crowd gathered...in usual movie suspense motion Peter starts walking slower to it then faster and faster until he sees Uncle Ben dead...the guy stole Uncle Ben's car to get away. Peter over hears the cops talking and the carjacker is hidden in a warehouse at the docks (i think that's what's said c'mon guys i can't remember all the specifics) next shot is Spidey swinging in all his glory into a run down building with a large crowd and cops gathered outside. He goes in finds the carjacker notices it was the guy he let get away, gives himself a big old guilt trip throws the guy out the window, saves him at the last minute and then swings off...

    We are then my friends introduced to the Daily Bugle and our favorite Neo-Nazi J. Jonah Jameson. The headlines read something along the lines of "Spider-Man catches burglar" Jonah starts complaining about how no one has a picture and at one points yells "get brock in here now". Then we see a montage of Spidey doing good deeps saving a baby and the such. The rest is pretty much space fillers but cool looking ones! Until Peter decides to take pictures of himself in action for the Bugle. He goes argues with Jonah over the price of pictures and sells them. (Oh and yeah he's in college now the transition to that wasn't so smooth my friend said there was a chunk missing where they explain that he's out of high school) Since Uncle Ben died Peter moved out into a little ghetto apartment for Aunt May to rent out a room to make more money for herself, etc. Peter runs into Mary Jane who is also living in a crappy apartment I might ad, she pretends she's acting and starting to make it big but she's really a waitress. There is an argument with Harry and Norman throw in here but it was really out of place so I'm guessing they're changing it to another earlier part of the movie...Norman calls Harry weak says he's going to ruin his company and that he might of been born and Osborn but he hasn't earned it. William Dafoe you are a god.

    After some more action sequences we're introduced fully to Oscorp. Osborn is partaking in some experiment that makes you stronger and smarter...as everyone can guess and see in the trailers it backfires there's an explision we see his eyes turn green (only momentaraly). Then we see Peter in his crappy apartment packing up...apparantely he's moving in with Harry who has a big 3 bedroom penthouse. Harry warns Peter he has to tell him something Peter ignores. Then as they walk into the penthouse Peter sees Mary Jane there, Harry and her are dating. There's some stuttering, apologies and the such. Peter says everything's ok and that it doesn't bother him (but it does)

    Then we see Osborn in his place his tripped out he starts hearing voices telling him to kill Harry because he's going to destroy his legacy blah blah blah...and the Green Goblin is born.

    The parade scene that everyone made a huge deal about starts next. Mary Jane and Harry have premium seats, Peter is photographing stuff for the Bugle (but really avoiding his friends). There's some Macy, some balloons, some fun. And a funny cackling noise in the air as the green goblin enters and starts using his pumpkin bombs and flash grenades and chaos ensues. Peter swings into action as the big amazing fights the goblin manages to save Mary Jane from being crushed in the process and Harry runs like a sissy little girl. The goblin manages to cut spider man with a cute little bat boomerang and then runs away. Then it gets confusing cause things were out of sequence (yes rough cut people im sorry) Norman goes to the apartment they hear a thud in Peters bedroom as we see Peter taking of his mask (as shown in the trailer) they all walk in...Peter is on the celing, his blood falls, Norman looks back, sees the blood, looks out the window no one. Norman walks out just as Peter runs in the outside in streeth clothes with his bandaged arm, he lies and says he got cut in the ruckus, Norman removes the bandage sees the familair cut Mary Jane goes to treat the cut, and while no one is looking Norman sticks the hanky in his pocket (he must have a fetish) He asks Harry to come outside with him where he proceeds to tear his son a new asshole and call MJ a whore. Then Norman stumps off the big macho man that he is...and when Harry walks in MJ tears him yet another asshole, stomps off and Peter runs after her. Peter consoles Mary Jane as harry looks thru a telescope (psycho much?) which leads to a big falling out between the 3.

    Then as usual plot filler Aunt May has health issues Peter blames it on Spidey, burns the costume (if i had 5 cents for everytime that was done in the comics) and renounces his identity.

    Norman tests the hanky blood to the blood on his batboomerang and realizes Parker is Spidey. So he proceeds to see his picture in the Bugle and Crash into Jonahs office asking where Parker is...and then another chunk missing. MJ, Harry and Peter meet outside Oscorp because they "sent each other" letters but no one knows who sent them then we hear that vacumm sound that is the Goblin glider he starts throwing stuff at them once again Harry runs like a girl. Peter gets away and somehow ends up in a costume shop where they just happen to have a Spidey costume and he takes that. The goblin babenaps MJ taking her to the Brooklyn Bridge and spitting in Gwen Stacy's face. As you can all guess battle ensues Spidey rescues the babe Goblin gets knocked out and arrested Harry sees Spidey kissing MJ thus setting up the sequel. And the reason i see this as the greatest movie kiss in history...well come on guys its upside down...it don't get much better than that. The end is Harry thanking Peter for being such a good friend as they walk out of the courthouse talking about how Norman might be in jail for life etc....MJ flirts with Peter and we see our friendly neighbourhood spider-man swinging off into the sunset and land of box office and merchandising heaven.

    Well I hope this was better on the lot of you that wanted specifics and that it satisfy's some of your curiousity if you wanna know more e-mail me...and I still love this movie and can't wait to see the finished cut all 40 times that I plan to go watch it...once again

    -stept
    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    One last bump!
    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  3. #3
    Super Duper Frontman YankeeRose's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 05:55 PM
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    I don't like the actor that they picked to play Peter Parker. He looks like a sissy. [img]redface.gif[/img]

    I am glad that they chose the Green Goblin to be the villain though, he's my favorite bad guy. The Green Goblin rules!!! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    [ March 03, 2002 at 09:09 PM: Message edited by: YankeeRose ]</p>
    Right Now you're reading my post!


    I can't stand rap....people who can't sing do rap....you can sing rebellion as well as talk it....Hitler would have been in a rap band...

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    2006 VHL Fantasy Hockey Champ!

  4. #4
    Hang 'Em High Stuff No More's Avatar
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    01.08.05 @ 11:08 AM
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    Hmm, it sounds somewhat.... faithful in some areas, tweaked in others.

    Of course, reading it does no justice, you kind of have to see it.
    "Just once I'd like to do the right thing and not get punished for it."

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing!
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    01.10.09 @ 01:07 PM
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    i think this review is a fraud...

  6. #6
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 12:07 AM
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    Premium Member
    I thought the same thing. looks like it was put together by a ten year old!

    No offence intended FH, I know your just passing it along.
    A little zen....... Headed your way.......

  7. #7
    Good Enough
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    07.19.13 @ 08:52 PM
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    Hmm. Well.

    Assuming it is a genny review, I suppose it's too early to tell about any prospective contributions from Planet Us...
    Classic Van Halen. In Pace Requiescant.

    "...sure I'm on zoloft. That's so I don't hafta kill none o' y'all..." - Mike Tyson

    and by the way...

    Eat Us And Smile.

  8. #8
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    A juvenile review, yes. Fraud, I don't think so. This movie was screened in Jan and Feb to Sony Execs and Marvel Execs and I've seen about 5 reviews that are similar. As juvenile as this was, it was the most descriptive without the reviewer throwing in his $.02 on every scene. I guess we'll have to see come May 3rd.
    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing!
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    01.10.09 @ 01:07 PM
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    Originally posted by FanHalen:
    A juvenile review, yes. Fraud, I don't think so. This movie was screened in Jan and Feb to Sony Execs and Marvel Execs and I've seen about 5 reviews that are similar. As juvenile as this was, it was the most descriptive without the reviewer throwing in his $.02 on every scene. I guess we'll have to see come May 3rd.
    check out A I C N, they said the recent Spidey review was a fraud i though???

  10. #10
    Little Dreamer
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    It canna be a fraud. Too close to the previews and pretty much coincides with what Sam Raimi had in mind. Right down to the waking up in "with a wet dream" organic shooter in your hand.

    As for the adolescent review, AICN tends to draw that target audience of 15 movie reviewers. Anyone see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

  11. #11
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    01.10.09 @ 01:07 PM
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    Originally posted by Lqskydiver:
    It canna be a fraud. Too close to the previews and pretty much coincides with what Sam Raimi had in mind. Right down to the waking up in "with a wet dream" organic shooter in your hand.

    As for the adolescent review, AICN tends to draw that target audience of 15 movie reviewers. Anyone see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
    I saw Jay and Bob, and I loved it, but I am a big Keving Smith fan!!!

    Hell I watched Dogma last night again for the fourth time...

 

 

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