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Thread: Stupid quotes

  1. #1
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    Donor

    I found these at Bored.com and they had me laughing my ass off.

    "Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
    - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

    "I invented the internet".
    - Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

    "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
    - Alan Minter, Boxer

    "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
    - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

    "How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
    - Anonymous Manufacturer

    "This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
    - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

    "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
    - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

    "Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
    - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

    "You guys line up alphabetically by height."
    - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

    "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
    - Bill Peterson, football coach

    "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
    - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

    "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
    - Britney Spears, Pop Singer
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  2. #2
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
    - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

    "The team has come along slow but fast."
    - Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

    "I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
    - Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

    "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
    - Charles De Gaulle, former French President

    "Football players win football games."
    - Chuck Knox, football coach

    "Most lies about blondes are false."
    - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

    "If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

    "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

    "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

    "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

    "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
    - David Acfield
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  3. #3
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

    "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
    - David Garcia, baseball team manager

    "Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
    - Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983

    "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
    - Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

    "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
    - Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

    "We're just physically not physical enough."
    - Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

    "Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
    - Detroit Daily News

    "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
    - Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

    "Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
    there?"
    - Driver school applicant

    "The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
    - Dwight Eisenhower

    "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
    - Everett Dirksen, Congressman

    "Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
    - Frank Bruno, Boxer

    "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
    - Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  4. #4
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
    - George Bush, former U.S. President

    "It is white."
    - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

    "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
    - George Gobel

    "If you think is was an accident, applaud."
    - Geraldo Rivera, talk show host, to his audience on Natalie Wood's drowning

    "I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
    - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

    "Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
    - Harry News, music reviewer

    "Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
    - Herb Score, Sportscaster

    "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
    - Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

    "I don't want to ever, ever do something in life that isn't fun. Ever."
    - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in the February Cosmopolitan.

    "We're going to move left and right at the same time."
    - Jerry Brown, Governor of California

    "I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
    - Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  5. #5
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    Donor

    OK here's the last set of quotes:

    "I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
    - Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

    "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
    - Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

    I"The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas."
    - Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster

    "Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
    - Mickey Rivers, baseball player

    "I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
    - Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

    "If only faces could talk..."
    - Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

    "All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
    - Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

    "Solutions are not the answer."
    - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

    "Permitted vehicles not allowed."
    - Road sign on US 27

    "A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
    - Samuel Goldwyn

    "SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
    - Sign on backseat of Taxi

    "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
    - Terry Venables
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  6. #6
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    Donor

    LOL [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  7. #7
    Unchained
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    06.16.05 @ 08:22 AM
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    The Britney Spears, Alica Silverstone and JLH quotes are pretty dumb. Yet they are hot, so I forgive.
    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    I'll have to use that sometime.

  8. #8
    Romeo Delight
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Celebs are so dumb, its funny! The Britney Quote was pricelss and the Rodman one was great too.. Great Stuff! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    On Fire AlexFan's Avatar
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    09.07.08 @ 02:03 PM
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    Got one for ya:

    Eddie: "If Roth ever speaks that way to me again, he better be wearing a cup."
    Alex: "And we ain't talking no coffee cup either."
    Van Halen without the original 4 is just not Van Halen.

  10. #10
    Romeo Delight Ted Williams's Avatar
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    02.23.12 @ 12:14 PM
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    "I'm really looking forward to playing in the city of Utah." - Karl Malone, upon learning he had been drafted by the Jazz

    "I've won at every level, except college and pro." - Shaquille O'Neal (prior to the Lakers' three NBA titles, of course)

    "Now I don't want anybody to read anything subliminable into what I'm saying. There are no subliminable messages in what I'm saying." - Pres. George Dubya Bush
    "There goes the greatest hitter who ever lived..."

  11. #11
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    Donor

    "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." --Jason Kidd
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  12. #12
    On Fire
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    12.26.07 @ 04:47 PM
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    Lmao
    So stupid, these people

 

 

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