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Thread: The Man Code

  1. #1
    Baluchitherium Guitar Shark's Avatar
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    The MAN CODE:

    1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"

    2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

    5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

    7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

    8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

    9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

    10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

    11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

    12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

    13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

    14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see a thing.

    15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer and pizza.

    16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

    17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads -- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

    18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

    20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.

    21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

    23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers."

    24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain rude.

    25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

    26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

    27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

    29. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye,and deliver a "FUCK OFF!", you are absolved of your responsibility.

    30. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.


  2. #2
    Baluchitherium
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    That is one quality list! All true too [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    I am awesome

  3. #3
    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    ROTFL! Classic stuff!! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Scott Roberts
    The Official Scott Roberts Blog - http://www.scottrobertsweb.com
    FORMER owner of The VH Trade Site - http://www.vhtrading.com

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
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    dude, that's hilarious.
    i agree. [img]smile.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
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    Guitar Shark Applause Applause. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    Ladies if you are wondering, yes its all true.
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    And thats about what its worth.

  6. #6
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    Premium Member
    LOL!
    A little zen....... Headed your way.......

  7. #7
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    My only fear in the posting of our sacred code is that the femaliens might study it in the hopes of devising new ways to control us.

    Crafty bitches... LOL.
    http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/images/avatars/michael3.jpg

    "You are the McCarthy of this board. The witch burner." - strungout, on yours truly

    "Only Eddymon would claim victory during a FOUR game losing streak." - OLO

    "Did I not say, 'I think we should shoot him!' I did. Double rainbow on this end. I require a high five. Out."- track 5, on the delicate art of banning

    "If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire..."

  8. #8
    Good Enough Van Gully's Avatar
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    What is up with the anti-gay remarks? Totally uncalled for, you homophobe! [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of VHLinks.com

  9. #9
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    NICE!!
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  10. #10
    Top Of The World
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    Tracy <~~~~ Crafty...thankyou so much for this knowledge! I am now devising a plan of action [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

  11. #11
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    Aha!! See what I mean?!
    http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/images/avatars/michael3.jpg

    "You are the McCarthy of this board. The witch burner." - strungout, on yours truly

    "Only Eddymon would claim victory during a FOUR game losing streak." - OLO

    "Did I not say, 'I think we should shoot him!' I did. Double rainbow on this end. I require a high five. Out."- track 5, on the delicate art of banning

    "If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire..."

  12. #12
    Sinner's Swing! chewbaccamonkeylunch's Avatar
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    Good God! Chokealot does suck indeed!!!!!

    Chewi
    The trashman was my hero.......
    -Seenbad

  13. #13
    Good Enough
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    Funny, despite it being homophobic. Galant effort.
    RLRR LRLL

  14. #14
    Sinner's Swing! Rick S's Avatar
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    fucking awesome. [img]smile.gif[/img]
    www.rickshick.tumblr.com

    1love4chi

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    Dave or Sammy ?.........pffffft Eddie.

  15. #15
    Unchained
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    CLASSIC! You forgot the "fag seat" at the movies (homophobic but true).
    31. Guys may never sit next to another guy at the movies or on public transportation. An empty seat in between is required. If the place is full you may be forced to sit in the empty seat which is perfectly acceptable except on the subway where one or both of you must stand lest it be considered gay.
    Also I agree, never talk business outside the family!
    Do you believe? Don't you trust me?<br /><br />"I'm just trying to get in to heaven, I'm not running for Jesus." - Homer Simpson

 

 

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