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  1. #1
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    12.06.01
    Age
    45
    Location
    Yuma, AZ
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    2,056
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Unchained
    Last Online

    07.27.07 @ 01:06 PM
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    Donor

    Don't know if anyone seen this yet, it's kinda funny, and pretty accurate.

    A Complete Military History of France.
    >
    > - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
    > years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
    > Italian. (Caesar)
    >
    > - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female
    > schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
    > Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
    > Frenchman."
    >
    > -Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
    ever
    > lose two wars when fighting Italians.
    >
    > - Wars of Religion - Lost France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
    >
    > - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
    > manages to get invaded anyway. France claims a tie on the basis that
    > eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
    >
    > - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
    as
    > chapeaux.
    >
    > -The Dutch War - Tied
    >
    > -War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
    > Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induce deluded
    > Frogophiles the world over to label this period as the height of
    French
    > military power.
    >
    > -War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
    > their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
    >
    > - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
    > future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
    colonists
    > saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and
    > leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when
    > America does most of the fighting."
    >
    > - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent
    was
    > also French.
    >
    > - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
    > Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match
    for
    > a British footwear designer.
    >
    > - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of
    > drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
    >
    > - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
    > United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to
    not
    > only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
    > Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any
    > improvement in the French bloodline.
    >
    > -World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
    > and Britain just as they finish learning the "Horst Wessel Song".
    >
    > - War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed
    > with the Dien Bien Flu
    >
    > - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
    > army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
    > First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This
    > rule
    > is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
    > English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
    >
    > - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
    > surrenders to the Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Then attempts
    to
    > surrender to Vietnamese ambassador and fail after he takes refuge in
    > the
    > only McDonald's in Paris.
    >
    > The question for any country silly enough to count on the French
    should
    > not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until
    France
    > collapses?"

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk
    Join Date
    12.25.01
    Age
    53
    Location
    Carmel, Ca
    Posts
    7,954
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    You\'re Kidding,right?
    Last Online

    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    Be fair, they're killing black folks left and right in the Ivory Coast.

    ...problem is that it's the French Foriegn Legion so there are no actual froggies involved in the fighting.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

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  3. #3
    Hot For Teacher
    Join Date
    11.14.02
    Age
    55
    Location
    Western Australia
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    306
    Favorite VH Album

    1984, 5150
    Favorite VH Song

    Jamie\'s cryin\', Dreams, Right now
    Last Online

    02.27.07 @ 04:58 AM
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    The French are probably showing more balls than they ever have right now.
    Imagine the pressure.........

 

 

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