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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk Rod Dangle's Avatar
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    12.09.17 @ 10:25 PM
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    What if Santa answered his letters honestly?

    Dear Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
    Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides him constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and pinching the butts of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
    craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I really, really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again.
    Santa

    Dearest Santa,
    We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our house?
    Love, Francis

    Francis, Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? First, stop calling yourself “Francis”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school, call yourself “Frank”. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
    the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa

    M*U*L*E

  2. #2
    Eruption
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    07.10.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    ......and here is a turd size lump of coal for you you lil' bastard.


    funny shit man!

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Rod Dangle's Avatar
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    12.09.17 @ 10:25 PM
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    Thanks, a chick I work with sent that to me, I thought it was funny as hell.

    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    M*U*L*E

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium
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    05.12.06 @ 06:39 PM
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    Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.

    LMAO!!
    I am awesome

  6. #6
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    12.03.17 @ 09:00 PM
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    Premium Member
    Poor Thomas! "Hey look mom, Santa replied to my letter. "

    Good stuff Rod. Thanks for sharing this little Christmas treat for all to enjoy. I'm a tad pissed that there wasn't a pic ( ) to go with it. Out.
    Quin-a-se-i-co

    You're a dick for putting ian on "ignore" DIF

    "You stupid fuck!" Seen

    "Well if you saw it, stats and scientific studies be damned!" Lovemachine 97 v. 2.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk Rod Dangle's Avatar
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    12.09.17 @ 10:25 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Unchained Wolfie:
    Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.

    LMAO!!
    <hr></blockquote>

    That one is pretty funny.....I like this one too:

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
    Santa


  8. #8
    Atomic Punk Rod Dangle's Avatar
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    12.09.17 @ 10:25 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by track 5:
    Poor Thomas! "Hey look mom, Santa replied to my letter. "
    Good stuff Rod. Thanks for sharing this little Christmas treat for all to enjoy.
    <hr></blockquote>

    No problem Bro!


    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>I'm a tad pissed that there wasn't a pic ( ) to go with it. Out.<hr></blockquote>

    Like this?


    [img]tongue.gif[/img]
    M*U*L*E

  9. #9
    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    Donor

    Good stuff here.
    Scott Roberts
    The Official Scott Roberts Blog - http://www.scottrobertsweb.com
    FORMER owner of The VH Trade Site - http://www.vhtrading.com

 

 

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