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  1. #1
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month
    >> when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in
    >> his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
    >> driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or
    >> significant other.
    >>
    >> DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
    >> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
    >> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
    >>
    >> DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
    >> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    >> SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
    >>
    >> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
    >> SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
    >> SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
    >>
    >> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
    >> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    >> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
    >>
    >> DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
    >> SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo today.
    >> SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
    >>
    >>

  2. #2
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    12.03.17 @ 09:00 PM
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    Premium Member
    What ever Angel. Screw that. I say shit like, "Women, you need to get your ass in the kitchen and cook my ass something to eat." Or the certain quote of death. "You're not wearing that out tonight. That dress makes you look FAT." "I don't want to be seen with your fat ass." LOL

    Btw Angel, I was only kidding about what I just typed. I didn't want your post to be left hanging and all. Just a little humor. Funny post. And you are So on the money about your answers. Now if t5 can only remember those. LOL. Out

    [This message has been edited by track 5 (edited September 19, 2000 at 07:26 PM).]

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    Good post Angel - I'm working on a few of my own to add to your list.

    ------------------

    "Kissing my ass won't do anything but give you bad breath." -sherman

    *gulp* - Down In Flames

    "Come on FORD, tell us how you really feel." - Said by virtually every member of VHLinks at one time or another.

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing!
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    10.09.12 @ 02:50 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wolfman:
    Good post Angel - I'm working on a few of my own to add to your list.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I think Angel cut and pasted that post. It's too funny for a chick

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium
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    09.15.15 @ 08:40 AM
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    yeah, it was cut and pasted. all i gotta say is that it's a two way street. i'm just too damn lazy to post the guide for women. when i get some time, i'll write one up.

    ------------------
    EBAS!!!!
    i know i would!!!
    i am a Dirty Faced Kid, although i do fancy myself a good lookin' fellow...
    AD for life...

  6. #6
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    12.06.17 @ 11:02 PM
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    Premium Member
    LMAO @ Johnathan

    I remember once I got into bed and started reading a new book... 2 pages in I grunted, looked at the front cover, threw the book on the floor and turned my light off. Mrs Goo says 'Whats the matter, whats wrong with the book', and I replied 'Cant read a book written by a chick. Hate the way they write books'. She was dumbfounded.

    Truth is I had been having a bad run on books, hated everything I was reading, and by conincidence they were always written by women. So now she thinks I've damned the whole female literary world. I might be onto something though, every book I've read since has been Ok

    ------------------
    A little zen... Headed your way...

  7. #7
    On Fire
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    good answers,or good things to say in a conversation with your girl...uh-hu,oh REALLY,your RIGHT,NO your not gaining weight!,have you lost weight?quit if you want to...boss cant talk to you like that!,yes i like your family,i thought about you all day babe,NO!!! i wasnt looking at her,i told you that bitch was crazy.
    when you get caught looking:i was just disgusted that girls wore stuff THAT short,thats why i looked!

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    lmao.....you guys are funny...


  9. #9
    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    One more thing never to say to a chick )from personal experience). my roommate and his girlfriend jodi and I were talkin aboot the college house we would be moving into shortly. roommate asked if it had a dishwasher. I said "yeah, her name is Jodi". She failed to find the humor.

  10. #10
    Unchained
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    02.12.11 @ 01:16 AM
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    Right on Aquatic Punk. Women don't understand our humor. Your's is a perfect example. You meant nothing by it, just an off-the-cuff joke, and the women take it like you've never been more serious in your life. Amazing these creatures. I think women could survive w/o men, but not the other way around.

    About the "headlining" joke... SAFER: could we be overreacting -- sorry but with my girlfriend that should be listed under DEAD MAN. I've used the word overreacting before. That seems to be a word women don't want to hear. They hear that word and suddenly it goes from the current situation to this one: "I do this, and this, and this, and that, and this, and that, and remember 2 weeks ago, and when I was in 4th grade..." etc. Does anyone else get that one?

    I don't want to make this sound as if my girlfriend is evil or something. She's actually quite wonderful.

    ------------------
    Some eras may be better than others, but VH is VH to me!

  11. #11
    Top Of The World
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    OK Gents...Here is one that I learned this past weekend. NEVER INSULT HER FAMILY!!! Even if it was meant as a joke. My wife was reading an article in the Paper anout some family who had a get together and there were five generations of women at this shin-ding so Renee turns to me and say..."Big Friggin deal, why is this in the paper, I mean we have that many Generations in Klamath Falls." And I said..."Well that because all of the women on your side of the family are like Cockroaches...you can cut your collective heads off and still roam the earth for another 50 years." I meant it as a joke but as of today she is still not talking to me. And it's going to get real bad when we go to the shop tonight to pick up my car...going to cost us $1400 bucks. OUCH!!!! She will not be easy to live with.

  12. #12
    Unchained
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    02.12.11 @ 01:16 AM
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    ooooohhhhhh owwwwwwww porsche!

    ------------------
    Some eras may be better than others, but VH is VH to me!

  13. #13
    Hot For Teacher
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    09.25.13 @ 12:04 AM
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    LMAO.....so Porsche, do you like sleeping on the couch?

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LTLDREAMER:
    LMAO.....so Porsche, do you like sleeping on the couch? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    the couch?......lol...I thought he'd be lucky to sleep in his car



    ------------------
    "Eddie Van Halen? That man could play a symphony with his ass hairs"-some old man

  15. #15
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    I was thinking within the neighborhood might generous on her part.

    ------------------

    "Kissing my ass won't do anything but give you bad breath." -sherman

    *gulp* - Down In Flames

    "Come on FORD, tell us how you really feel." - Said by virtually every member of VHLinks at one time or another.

 

 

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