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  1. #1
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 06:18 PM
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    4 weeks ago an innocent looking envelope arrives in my mail, informing me of a gift of great riches that will surely be mine, if I only take up a generous offer to subscribe to Readers Digest.

    So it went in the bin.

    2 weeks ago, a suspisously more elaborate envelope arrives in my mail. This one has bright coloured writing, and is, to coin a phrase-"fat as a pig".. Inside it I am informed I have 'qualified' for phase 2 of this wonderous contest (I must have missed the fine print where it states trashing the introductory letter was part of the qualifying process).

    So it went in the bin.

    Today I received what appeared to be an elaborately painted brick in my mail. On closer inspection, it was revealed to be an envelope. I retrieved it from the mailbox(with some assistance from my neighbours) and took it inside.

    Considering the engineering work that goes into constructing such an envelope (hand stitched seams, double glazed window) it opened suprisingly easily, and I was relived to narrowly avoid injury as a fearsome, man-shredding torrent of glossy, sharply cut paper fragments exploded into my face.

    Apparantly, by throwing away their last letter, I had now qualified for a chance to win everything in the world. This is the mother of all contests! Each item had its own little bit of paper. They were all photographer in excellent lighting conditions. All I have to do is give them my bank account details!

    Unswayed by their lush offers, and fearing permanant disability at the arrival of phase 4's envelope, I decided to cancel myself from the mailing list I had somehow been subscribed to.. Unfortunately none of the documents that were now covering my floor revealed the phone number of this marvellous firm, so I went to their website. No phone number. I can contact them via email apparantly, but for some reason I'm a little hesitant to give them any more information on how to contact me [img]smilies/confused.gif[/img] Eventually I found a number via the white pages, but they dont answer the phones at readers digest (too busy photographing watches and cars I guess)

    So now I wait. No doubt my frustrated disposal of the phase 3 mail has now qualified me for phase 4. I know somewhere at readers digest, an entire tree is being personally painted and engraved for me.

    It's the personal touches that count [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

    [ July 05, 2001 at 01:13 AM: Message edited by: Goo ]
    A little zen....... Headed your way.......

  2. #2
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Contact your post office and the Better Business Bureau. People actually fall for that stuff because they're so trusting. That is just bullshit stuff. [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]
    Don't bark at me...<b>I</b> didn't name ya.

  3. #3
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    08.17.07 @ 05:09 PM
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    ROTFLOL!

    Goo, next time, don't even open the envelope! Don't even bring it in the house! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] Take a pen out to the mailbox with you, and draw one line through your name and address and write "Refused: Return to Sender"

    The post office will have to return it RD (or anyother organization that sends you junk mail) and they'll have to pay the return postage on it. Since they're in the business of making money, that's the last thing that they want to do.

    After college I received more junk mail then I thought was humanly possible. After a coupla months returning it to them, at their cost...my poor little mailbox was empty...except for the bills... [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]
    "May you die at age 128, in bed, shot to death by a jealous lover" DLR 2002

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    I take it LA's been through this before, too. LOL [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

    Goo, just sweep it all into the bathroom, and you'll have plenty of reading material for years to come. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    Good Enough
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    08.17.07 @ 05:09 PM
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    If all else fails, it makes good kindling for back yard fires...wouldn't suggest fire place ones...ashes are light and can settle on the roof and burn your house down!

    Wouldn't that be a bitch?!? [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]
    "May you die at age 128, in bed, shot to death by a jealous lover" DLR 2002

  6. #6
    On Fire
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Speaking from the Direct Mail industry (more commonly known as "that junk crap people keep sending me") I can tell you that you probably subscribed for something totally unrelated and probably non-threatening and they sold your name and address to the Readers Digest people. What you need to do is find the actual order form and the phone number should be on it. What you need to do then is call it and tell them you want to be considered a "prohib". Once you say that word, they are no longer allowed to send you ANYTHING. Lotsa luck! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_<br /><br />No Remorse<br />No Repent<br /><br />_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

  7. #7
    Beloved Glenn's Avatar
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    02.13.15 @ 08:56 AM
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    Hilarious version of the events Goo. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

    I have a Grandmother who got carried away ordering a TON of stuff from places like Readers Digest. It was actually quite sad because she would up with so much stuff that a lot of it she never even ended up opening. She had bought literally boxes of compact discs and she didn't even own a compact disc player. It ended up turning out alright, so it's kind of funny in retrospect, but it's sad that seniors get taken advantage of at times.

  8. #8
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Glenn:
    Hilarious version of the events Goo. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

    I have a Grandmother who got carried away ordering a TON of stuff from places like Readers Digest. It was actually quite sad because she would up with so much stuff that a lot of it she never even ended up opening. She had bought literally boxes of compact discs and she didn't even own a compact disc player. It ended up turning out alright, so it's kind of funny in retrospect, but it's sad that seniors get taken advantage of at times.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    ROTFL!!! So what are you saying? Goo is a senior? Hey, Goo! Have you joined AARP yet?
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_<br /><br />No Remorse<br />No Repent<br /><br />_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

  9. #9
    Eruption esquiretoo's Avatar
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    08.02.17 @ 01:12 PM
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    Congratulations, Goo!! My wife has "qualified" 48 times for the "final" round over the past 3 years. Don't you just relish the suspense?
    Over 17 years on the links!!
    ROLL DAMN TIDE!!
    First time I heard Unchained, I thought the lyrics were...."Blue-eyed mutha in a slashed white dress!"
    STAY FROSTY FRIENDS!

  10. #10
    Beloved Glenn's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by porn*chick:
    ROTFL!!! So what are you saying? Goo is a senior? Hey, Goo! Have you joined AARP yet?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>LOL, I guess it could read that way.

    To my knowledge, Goo and I are the same age, so if he's a senior, pass me my damn cane. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

  11. #11
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    What I love is the phone call...It goes like this...

    Them:Hello, may I speak to Mr. Sacto?
    Sacto:This is he...whaddya want!!!???*L*
    Them:Hold please for my supervisor.
    Sacto:*holding...wondering...trying to finish a piece of pizza*
    Them:Uh, Mr.Sacto? You have just won a MAJOR AWARD!!
    Sacto:Really? How much money do you want?

    Then, the song and dance about being enetered in some contest, yada yada yada...

    I would love to turn that crap around on them and get all 976 on they ass!
    Them: Mr.Sacto, you've won a prize...
    Sacto [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]amn your voice is sexy...what are you wearing, baby??? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

  12. #12
    Eye suffacozza YEWW! Goo's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 06:18 PM
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    Bizzarely, a thin blue envelope arrived today addressed to Mrs.Goo

    It appears shes qualified for phase one herself LOLOL

    I'll be recommending LAs approach to her. Mr Cochrane may yet be required however [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
    A little zen....... Headed your way.......

  13. #13
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SactoFan:
    What I love is the phone call...It goes like this...

    Them:Hello, may I speak to Mr. Sacto?
    Sacto:This is he...whaddya want!!!???*L*
    Them:Hold please for my supervisor.
    Sacto:*holding...wondering...trying to finish a piece of pizza*
    Them:Uh, Mr.Sacto? You have just won a MAJOR AWARD!!
    Sacto:Really? How much money do you want?

    Then, the song and dance about being enetered in some contest, yada yada yada...

    I would love to turn that crap around on them and get all 976 on they ass!
    Them: Mr.Sacto, you've won a prize...
    Sacto [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]amn your voice is sexy...what are you wearing, baby??? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    That;s OK, I got some guy who called me last night right in the middle of dinner who BARELY spoke english trying to tell me I've qualified for a NEW VISA!!!! LOL!!! If I didn't understand the minute amount of Spanish that I do, I would have never understood him. I thought about messing with his head, but decided not to... [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_<br /><br />No Remorse<br />No Repent<br /><br />_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

  14. #14
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    08.17.07 @ 05:09 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TDR:
    [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]
    That's right folks! Stitch up poor ol' Romeo Delight with all your junkmail! You KNOW he appreciates it! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Is THAT what's been keeping Romeo out of the bar?!? [img]smilies/cry.gif[/img]

    Hey you guys...what I said about junk mail? Fahgeddaboudit! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
    "May you die at age 128, in bed, shot to death by a jealous lover" DLR 2002

  15. #15
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Glenn:
    I have a Grandmother who got carried away ordering a TON of stuff from places like Readers Digest. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    This is too funny. Goo and I were laughing about this last night on IM and I told him the same thing used to happen to my Grandmother.

    I think she won the the entire continent of Asia by the time she'd refused to enter their damn contest enough times. LOL.

    Like I said to Goo, it's nice to know that Readers Digest is taking their abuse worldwide.

    I'd hate to think Americans would be the only ones experiencing such fun, carting wheelbarrows to our mailboxes... [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
    http://www.vhlinks.com/vbforums/images/avatars/michael3.jpg

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