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  1. #1
    Hot For Teacher
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    09.13.16 @ 08:09 PM
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    (AP) WASHINGTON, D.C. President Bush announced today that rock stars David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar would be serving as special envoys to the Middle East. The President's decision to make such an unusual appointment followed the former Van Halen frontmen's announced co-headlining tour. According to a White House spokesman, "These two guys really, really fucking hated each other and now they are sharing a stage and touring together. The President believes that if Dave and Sammy can get together, Arafat and Sharon should have no problems."

    When asked about their strategy for bringing peace to the Middle East, Hagar stated, "Dave and I are going to bring these guys into a room with a couple of comfy chairs, a nice wood bar and a big ol' fireplace. We're going to crack open some Cabo Wabo tequila, throw about a pound of weed on the fire, and chill out 'til we get them talking."

    Roth added, "When these guys get a steaming eye-ful of our crack team of experts [pointing to Playboy's Dahm Triplets and a midget dressed like Andy Warhol] they are going to realize that the U.S. finally means business... or they'll take it as a sign of the fucking Apocolypse. Either way, we'll get them to sign a treaty."

    In related news, Edward Van Halen has trademarked and copyrighted the following words and phrases: "Associated Press", "Israel", "Palestinian Authority", "jihad", "suicide bomber", "Ariel Sharon", "Benjamin Netanyahu" (just in case), "Yasser Arafat", "Middle East", "Colin Powell", "George W. Bush" and "United States of America."

    [ April 18, 2002 at 08:22 AM: Message edited by: Smokin' 5150 ]</p>

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    04.22.16 @ 10:07 AM
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    [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Eat Us And Smile

    Welcome back, Van HALEN!!!!

    ...It's the BAND and Dave is really the cat that can front VH. He sang his ASS off and was really cool. No cheese here guys, this is filet Mignon! - Steve Lukather's comment after witnessing a Van HALEN 2007 rehearsal

    "What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears?"- 1 Samuel 15:14

    Howard Dean for President 2012. YEEEAAARRRGGGHHH!

  3. #3
    Eruption
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    04.21.16 @ 10:57 PM
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    On a serious note, I wonder if Ed has tried to copyright 'David Lee Roth' and 'Sammy Hagar'?
    Your favorite band sucks.

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    04.22.16 @ 10:07 AM
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    Originally posted by xaminer:
    On a serious note, I wonder if Ed has tried to copyright 'David Lee Roth' and 'Sammy Hagar'?
    Wouldn't surprise me. You can bet that Michael Anthony™ is already covered.
    Eat Us And Smile

    Welcome back, Van HALEN!!!!

    ...It's the BAND and Dave is really the cat that can front VH. He sang his ASS off and was really cool. No cheese here guys, this is filet Mignon! - Steve Lukather's comment after witnessing a Van HALEN 2007 rehearsal

    "What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears?"- 1 Samuel 15:14

    Howard Dean for President 2012. YEEEAAARRRGGGHHH!

  5. #5
    Romeo Delight
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Hilarious!
    <b>In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!</b>

  6. #6
    Romeo Delight
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    hey dude roth is jewish...

  7. #7
    Hot For Teacher
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    09.13.16 @ 08:09 PM
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    hey dude roth is jewish...
    So is Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State under Nixon who pioneered shuttle diplomacy between Israel and Egypt.

    BTW, in case you missed it -- this is a joke. Hagar's Cannabis Compromise is not a US-backed peace initiative (yet).

 

 

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