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Thread: "No Respect"

  1. #1
    Master Bluesman Elwood P.'s Avatar
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    Collected sayings of the disrespected one, Rodney Dangerfield:

    Sex with his wife:

    My wife likes to talk to me when she has sex, the other night she called me from a motel.

    My wife wants to have sex in the back seat of our car, and she wants me to drive.

    His wife's cooking:

    I don't want to say she's a bad cook, but I don't think meatloaf should glow in the dark.

    The other night she told me to take out the trash, I told her, "You cooked it, you take it out."

    If I leave dental floss in the kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.

    When we feed our dog tablescraps, she begs for alka-seltzer.

    No respect:

    I didn't get any respect when I was in high school, I used to share a locker with a mop.

    I went to the beach and held up a seashell to my ear, it told me to get off the beach.

    I didn't get any respect from my kids either. I gave my son a BB gun for Christmas, he gave me a shirt with a bulls-eye on the back.

    My mother never breast-fed me, she told me she liked me as a friend.

    Misc:

    I told the girl from Allstate, what I want to put in your hands, you'd never sell me insurance.

    Heckler in the crowd to Rodney, "Hey Rodney, what do you do for a living?"

    Rodney to heckler, "I get guys for your sister, Okay!"

    My lovelife's awful, the other night a hooker told me she had a headache.

    I told my doctor, Doc, I wake up every morning I feel awful, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What's wrong with me?

    He says, "I don't know but your eyesight's perfect."

    My doctor told me I'm 40 pounds overweight. I said, "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion."

    He says, "Alright, you're ugly too."
    "I'm the opposite of Bill Cosby. Diamond Dave always gets your approval." (DLR)

    "Kids, just say NO to marriage". (Al Bundy)

    Rawhide in "A"

    OAA

  2. #2
    Good Enough T.RYAN's Avatar
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    Why oh why did you do the Ladybugs movie?

    Still the funniest mofo alive.

    Come on people show some respect.
    No president puts joy in my life, but Van Halen puts joy in my ears.

    Never pet a burning dog.

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium
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    That guy is so funny
    I am awesome

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
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    yeah, he's a pretty clever sumbitch. [img]smile.gif[/img]

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    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    And of course let's not forget his classic line,
    "My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after we eat!" Now that's funny. Out.
    Quin-a-se-i-co

    You're a dick for putting ian on "ignore" DIF

    "You stupid fuck!" Seen

    "Well if you saw it, stats and scientific studies be damned!" Lovemachine 97 v. 2.

  6. #6
    Master Bluesman Elwood P.'s Avatar
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    "Loosen up honey. You're alot of woman, you know that? Hey, Ya wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?"

    "This is your wife? Ooh a lovely lady. You must have been something before electricity."

    "Look at that one. The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it."

    "Somebody step on a duck?"

    Rodney as AL Czervik in "Caddyshack"
    "I'm the opposite of Bill Cosby. Diamond Dave always gets your approval." (DLR)

    "Kids, just say NO to marriage". (Al Bundy)

    Rawhide in "A"

    OAA

  7. #7
    Watch the hair!!!
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    Originally posted by Elwood P.:
    "Somebody step on a duck?"

    Rodney as AL Czervik in "Caddyshack"


    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    "Seems the old folks who come up short were the pretty little kids who didn't want it, no." - Van Halen (1979)

    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius

    "The possibility that we may fail in the struggle should not deter us from supporting a cause we believe to be just." - Abraham Lincoln

  8. #8
    Master Bluesman Elwood P.'s Avatar
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    Originally posted by Delighted Romeo:
    </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Elwood P.:
    "Somebody step on a duck?"

    Rodney as AL Czervik in "Caddyshack"


    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    </font>[/QUOTE]Delighted Romeo comes thru in the clutch!
    Great job DR! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    "I'm the opposite of Bill Cosby. Diamond Dave always gets your approval." (DLR)

    "Kids, just say NO to marriage". (Al Bundy)

    Rawhide in "A"

    OAA

  9. #9
    Watch the hair!!!
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    Originally posted by Elwood P.:
    </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Delighted Romeo:
    </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Elwood P.:
    "Somebody step on a duck?"

    Rodney as AL Czervik in "Caddyshack"


    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    </font>[/QUOTE]Delighted Romeo comes thru in the clutch!
    Great job DR! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    </font>[/QUOTE]Elwood P., I'm just glad to do my part to honor the legendary Mr. Dangerfield. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] BTW, here is the actual sound clip of that scene:

    Al Czervik: (farts) "Ooh, somebody step on a duck?"

    [ June 12, 2002, 06:18 AM: Message edited by: Delighted Romeo ]
    "Seems the old folks who come up short were the pretty little kids who didn't want it, no." - Van Halen (1979)

    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius

    "The possibility that we may fail in the struggle should not deter us from supporting a cause we believe to be just." - Abraham Lincoln

 

 

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