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Thread: Men...

  1. #1
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    A Funny email from my friend at MIDOL

    Men are like.....Laxatives.
    They irritate the shit out of you

    Men are like......Bananas.
    The older they get, the less firm they are.

    Men are like.....Vacations.
    They never seem to be long enough.

    Men are like.....Bank Machines.
    Once they withdraw they lose interest.

    Men are like.....Weather.
    Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

    Men are like.....Blenders.
    You need one, but are not sure why!

    Men are like.....Chocolate bars.
    Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

    Men are like.....Commercials.
    You can't believe a word they say.

    Men are like.....Department Stores.
    Their clothes should always be half off.

    Men are like.....Government bonds.
    They take so long to mature.

    Men are like.....Horoscopes.
    They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong

    Men are like.....Mascara.
    They usually run at the first sign of emotion

    Men are like.....Popcorn.
    They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

    WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    because they are plugged into a genius

    WHY DON'T WOMAN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
    they don't have enough time

    WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    they won't stop for directions

    WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?
    because they don't have penises to put them in

    WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
    they're intended for children but men usually end up playing with them

    WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock

    HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    nobody knows since it has never happened

    [ April 26, 2002 at 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Fabulous Shadow aka VHL ]</p>
    <a href="http://www.vhwalkathon.org" target="_blank">VHWalkathon - Project 316</a><br /><br />EVH: The music is first and foremost. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it will always be. Because without the music, what is there? Nothing. There's nothing without the music. You can't even cop an attitude without the music (laughs).

  2. #2
    Eruption
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    01.23.09 @ 11:26 AM
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    WHY COFFEE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

    1. You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
    2. Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
    3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
    4. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
    5. You can always warm coffee up.
    6. Coffee comes with endless refills.
    7. Coffee is cheaper.
    8. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
    9. Coffee never runs out.
    10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
    11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
    12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
    13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
    14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
    15. Coffee smells and tastes good.
    16. You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
    17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
    18. You can always get fresh coffee.
    19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get
    back.
    20. They sell coffee at police stations.
    21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
    22. Coffee goes down easier.
    23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
    24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
    25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
    26. Your coffee doesn't talk to you.
    27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
    28. Coffee is good when it's cold too.
    29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
    30. Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.
    31. Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in.
    32. Coffee doesn't shed.
    33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
    34. You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
    35. Coffee doesn't mind being ground.
    36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
    37. Coffee doesn't have a time of the month...it's good all the time.
    38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
    39. When you have a coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your
    throat.
    40. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
    41. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup.
    42. INSTANT COFFEE!
    43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
    44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.
    45. Your coffee won't be jealous of a larger cup.

    [img]tongue.gif[/img]
    Plstrcast everywhere else, Smudge NYC here.. so kiss my arse!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/smudgenyc" target="_blank">http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/smudgenyc</a>

  3. #3
    Atomic Punk I Coulda Hada VH's Avatar
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    12.16.17 @ 11:24 PM
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    WHY DID GOD MAKE WOMEN?
    because sheep can't cook

    HOW MANY WOMEN DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
    nobody knows because they just sit around in the dark and bitch until a man does it for them

    WHY DO MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN?
    because they want to

    HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A WOMAN IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING INTELLIGENT?
    she starts out by saying, "A man once told me..."

    WHY DID GOD GIVE WOMEN VAGINAS?
    so men would talk to them
    "It's so lonely at the top because it's so crowded at the bottom" - Diamond David Lee Roth

    "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you"

    "Be careful what you wish for because you just might lose what you already have"

    "Women and Children First ... The REAL Van Halen III"

  4. #4
    Eruption
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    01.23.09 @ 11:26 AM
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    Education for women
    Continuing Education Courses for Women

    Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

    The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

    Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

    Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.

    Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

    Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

    Valuation: Just Because It's Not Important to You . . .

    Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

    Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.

    Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.

    Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.

    Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.

    Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

    Introduction to Parking.

    Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

    Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor.

    Water retention: Fact or Fat.

    Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.

    Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.

    Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

    Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

    Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.

    Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.

    Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.

    Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.

    Ballet: For Women Only.

    Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both.

    Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges.

    "Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?" - Why Men Lie.

    TV Remotes: For Men Only.
    Plstrcast everywhere else, Smudge NYC here.. so kiss my arse!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/smudgenyc" target="_blank">http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/smudgenyc</a>

  5. #5
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <a href="http://www.vhwalkathon.org" target="_blank">VHWalkathon - Project 316</a><br /><br />EVH: The music is first and foremost. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it will always be. Because without the music, what is there? Nothing. There's nothing without the music. You can't even cop an attitude without the music (laughs).

  6. #6
    Hot For Teacher
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    [img]tongue.gif[/img]

    Great 'toon, Shadow !! Charlie doin' his job [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] .

  7. #7
    Master Bluesman Elwood P.'s Avatar
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    Favorite VH Album

    ADKOT
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    Soul Kitchen
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    12.17.17 @ 12:19 AM
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    Premium Member
    Al Bundy on video games: What do I care if some monkey can make it up to the top of a building? Unless he's going up there to throw his wife off, it's none of my business.

    Al on women and old cars: Bud, you don't throw something away just because it doesn't work. If that was the case you wouldn't have a mother.

    Al and Bud at a strip joint: No, the money's not for you, it's for the girls. Now son, you're going to be tempted to spend all your money on the first girl. But don't do it. Six bucks is too much money to spend on any woman.

    Al on "The Rifleman": The Rifleman, he knew not to hang around with his wife. You know, I always suspected that's who he was blowing to smithereens before the start of each show.

    Al Bundy: President and founder of NO 'MAAM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood)
    "I'm the opposite of Bill Cosby. Diamond Dave always gets your approval." (DLR)

    "Kids, just say NO to marriage". (Al Bundy)

    Rawhide in "A"

    OAA

 

 

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