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  1. #1
    Eruption
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    07.10.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    Well it seems as though some of you get a good laugh from my class stories, so I thought I'd share a few good ones with you all. I can't stress enough that these are REAL stories that have happened in the 5 years I've been teaching. Think visuals here.

    My first year I had this girl who had multiple piercing. She kept them mostly concealed. Remember this is a small community so the school policy was you could only have earrings. Well one day she showed up in my class with a nose ring. Well to say the least, I had to tell her to remove it. Problem was she couldn't, it was stuck. We had to go out to the AG shop and get the FFA teacher to use the pig pliers to pull the backing off.

    Story number 2. This has got to be the weirdest event that I've ever encountered. You really have to visualize this. I had this Mexican boy in class. He had severe attention problems. He rarely did work and liked to sleep alot. One day he came in and was bouncing off the walls. I figured he had been hitting a lil' dope of some sort, so I asked him to just lay down. I was giving a review to the rest of the class and just asked him to relax and goto sleep and I would give him credit. Well I continued my lesson and looked back at the boy. He was in the corner of my room pants unzipped with my yardstick in his drawers. All I could do was freakishly scream, "What the hell are you doing?" The boy was measuring his DICK in my class. I shit you NOT! I couldn't write the kid up and send him to the principal. First off, how would you write it?

    ME: "Yeah ....ummmm....yeah..umm, he was like, measuring his dick or something."

    Principal: "Ohhhh...I see.....well....umm...oooooooook"

    It was the funniest and most frightening thing I had ever witnessed. So til he left, the joke was he had 34 inches and I said no you are measuring from the wrong end!

    I'll write some more stories when I get the chance.

    ------------------
    500 horses and a Chrysler mill, makes the Limecuda the king of the hill

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:31 PM
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    Donor

    LOL.. that is some funny shit, Limecuda! Thanks!

  3. #3
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
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    12.12.17 @ 10:08 PM
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    Thats some great stuff man keep them comming!!

    ------------------
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    and thats about what its worth

  4. #4
    Emperor of VHLinks.com Brett's Avatar
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    12.13.17 @ 04:56 PM
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    Damn that is funny stuff man, keep 'em coming.

    ------------------
    Webmaster
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  5. #5
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Donor

    measuring his pecker in class? How old was this kid?! Jeez, I didnt do that until I was at LEAST in 10th grade

    ------------------
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy


    Look at that Mama, she got it sstick'n in the camera maan- (I wish I had some)

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    LOL!!!

    I'm about ready to shed tears, that's how hard I was laughing. Keep 'em coming!

    ------------------
    Dirty Faced Kid & damn proud of it.

    All your base are belong to us!
    Somebody set up us the bomb!
    Take off all 'zig'!!

    Strange is beautiful.

  7. #7
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    Donor

    Pretty good, Lime...I'll think of a few NON special ed stories...

    ------------------
    "Van Halen fans been hangin' in there for a long time...they're probably the best fans in the world..."-Sammy

    "Forget all about that macho shit and learn how to play guitar"-Mellencamp

  8. #8
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    09.26.07 @ 02:38 PM
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    Donor

    Damn that was funny.

    ------------------
    "It ain't gonna change overnight, no. And it ain't goin' away without a fight. Yeah! Livin' with the aftershock."

    "When I need something to soothe my soul, I listen to too much rock 'n' roll."

    Dan Halen - My site

  9. #9
    XTC man! homeunit's Avatar
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    09.05.15 @ 12:20 PM
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    That was Great!!

    Keep em comin

  10. #10
    Eruption
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    07.10.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    Chapter 2

    Last year while I was reading a lesson I had this kid keep complaining of his back hurting. So I asked him what was wrong. I could tell he was in pain and I was concerned. He said he had hurt himself the day before. Seems as though he had been in the woods cleaning up around his deer stand. He had some limbs blocking his view so he decided to cut them. He climbed about 20 feet up the tree and cut the limbs out of the way. Unfortunately, he cut the limb off he was sitting on. Needless to say he injured himself due to being a dumbass.

    Story #4

    I've always had a good relationship with my students, probably too good. One Halloween I decided to play a little joke. This class was full of a few black ghetto wanna be thugs. I got to school early and ran some fishing line from my desk drawer around the room wall, between some boxes, to under the work table. At the end of the string was attached a rubber snake. I waited patiently as all these "tough" black kids were all seated at the table. Gradually I noticed one of the boys look down at his feet. I pulled the string and the snake shot between the boxes and under a shelf. Everyone of those boys squealed and climbed on the table. If you guys have ever met a southern black male, you'd understand their fear of snakes. Anyways after a few minutes they climbed down and cautiously started poking the boxes with sticks and then would jump back up. "Ewwwwww, they be a snake in here." It was the funniest damn thing I had ever seen.

    I got some more I'll post, probably a week's worth.

    By the way these are 9th-12th graders.

    ------------------
    500 horses and a Chrysler mill, makes the Limecuda the king of the hill

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    ROTFL!!!

    Keep it coming...man, oh man, the classroom can be a very very funny place.

    ------------------
    Dirty Faced Kid & damn proud of it.

    All your base are belong to us!
    Somebody set up us the bomb!
    Take off all 'zig'!!

    Strange is beautiful.

  12. #12
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    Donor

    Awesome. Keep 'em coming.

    ------------------
    "It ain't gonna change overnight, no. And it ain't goin' away without a fight. Yeah! Livin' with the aftershock."

    "When I need something to soothe my soul, I listen to too much rock 'n' roll."

    Dan Halen - My site

  13. #13
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Donor

    LMAO! Your brutal cuda.

    ------------------
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy


    Look at that Mama, she got it sstick'n in the camera maan- (I wish I had some)

  14. #14
    Eruption
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    07.10.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    Part 3

    Last year I had this kid, we'll call him Troy, who was a doofus to say the least. Another one of the students had made up a story about ol' Troy fucking goats. It was an elaborate story detailing how Troy would wear rubber boots and put the rear legs of the goat in his boots to keep it from running away while he took care of business.

    Anyways the story was not true, but the kids knew it bothered ol' Troy so they continued. I called Troy in and we had a discussion about how if he would just go along with it and acted like it didn't bother him, they would quit. Well needless to say he semi-listened to what I was telling him. The next day when someone started picking on him about it he jumped up and screamed, "Yeah I fucked a goat and it was damn good too!" The class was utterly shocked. Not only was Troy rumored to be having farmyard romances, but now he has admitted to it. To this day he is known as SirTroyGoatamus the goat slayer.

    Story# 6

    Years ago I decided I would take my Science class out to the woods near our school. I wrote a lesson based on finding different species of insects. We walked around for about an hour with the kids finding everthing from mosquitoes to black widows. Anyways one of the kids ,we'll call him Edward, was trying to borrow $.50 from one of the boys so he could buy a soda. Well one of the boys said sure, he would give him the money, but he had to stand in a fire ant bed for 1 minute first. Edward took him up on the offer. After standing in the ant bed grimacing in pain as he became lunch for the ants he asked for the money. The kid who made the bet said, "Man if you are that big of a dumbass you don't deserve the $.50, I ain't giving you no money." Personally if I had been Edward I would have whooped his ass, but I have to agree he had to be a total dumbass.

    ------------------
    500 horses and a Chrysler mill, makes the Limecuda the king of the hill

  15. #15
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Donor

    hmmm, Idunno man, the part in story 3 where he puts the goats legs in the boots (snicker) is a bit too elaborate for fiction. I'm thinkin ole goat slayer was really knockin hooves with the goats man.

    Makes a down right hilarious image too! BAAA!!BAAAAAAA!!!

    ------------------
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy


    Look at that Mama, she got it sstick'n in the camera maan- (I wish I had some)

 

 

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