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  1. #1
    Romeo Delight
    Join Date
    A moonlit beach with bonfire,guitar&wine
    Favorite VH Album

    Fair Warning
    Favorite VH Song

    Hear About It Later
    Last Online

    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.
    Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

    This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED
    employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place.

    This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

    This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems

    If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).

    As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

    Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company
    in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

    And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

    The Management

  2. #2
    Good Enough
    Join Date
    Last Online

    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Funny shit but sadly true in some cases.
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Favorite VH Album

    Van Halen
    Favorite VH Song

    Me Wise Magic
    Last Online

    09.15.15 @ 07:40 AM
    Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    i agree.



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