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  1. #1
    Test5150
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    (haha.....I beat you to it FH [img]tongue.gif[/img] )

    "How-To" Titles by George Carlin

    - How to remove chewing gum from your brush

    - How to turn your front lawn into a cathouse

    - How to remove an infected cyst from a loved one

    - How to make two small hats out of a brassiere

    - How to make a brassiere out of two small hats

    - How to have really nice lymph glands

    - How to act laid-back during a grease fire

    - How to spot a creep from across the street

    - How to dance with a Sweedish person

    - How to induce a clergymen to grab you by the nuts

    - How to milk a dog while it's sleeping

    - How to get through college without books

    - How to make a small salad out of your work pants

    - How to lure a weasel into a cardboard box

    - How to filet a panda

    - How to get a tan with a blow torch

    - How to make an oil lamp out of your genitals

    - How to style your hair with a bullwhip

    - How to convert an old leather chair into twelve pairs of shoes

    - How to achieve multiple orgasms with a pair of tweezers

    - How to kill a rat with a paper clip

    - How to lease out the space inside your nose

    - How to spot truly vicious people in church

    - How to become a total fuckin' greaseball

    [ December 07, 2001 at 06:40 PM: Message edited by: seenbad ]</p>

  2. #2
    Test5150
    Guest
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10
    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St.Taffy's.

    [ December 07, 2001 at 08:06 AM: Message edited by: Chelle ]</p>

  3. #3
    Test5150
    Guest
    For Guitar Shark:

    "The only differences between lawyers and prostitutes are that prostitutes are generally better looking and more honest about how they make a living."--Anonymous Appeals Court Judge

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing!
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    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  6. #6
    Sinner's Swing!
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    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  7. #7
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    They should've retitled "duty" to "doodie"!

    ".....and Harry Potter and all of his wizard-friends went to Hell for practicing Witchcraft. The End." -Ned Flander's version of reading "Harry Potter" to Rod and Todd.

  8. #8
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:31 PM
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    Donor

    There's a pretty funny joke thread here too. [img]smile.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Test5150
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    Oops! My bad. Can we delete our own threads here?

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    07.20.17 @ 03:43 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Chelle:
    Oops! My bad. Can we delete our own threads here?<hr></blockquote>

    No need. Angel will be thrilled to death if you guys give the funny farm a kick in the ass. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    Great stuff BTW, guys.

  11. #11
    Test5150
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Wolfman:


    No need. Angel will be thrilled to death if you guys give the funny farm a kick in the ass. [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    <hr></blockquote>

    No prob, just added a few funnies to that thread. [img]smile.gif[/img] Maybe this one can be just for funny pics?

  12. #12
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    11.30.17 @ 06:15 PM
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    Donor

    Cool chelle. I just edited the title fer yaz. Good idea. [img]smile.gif[/img]
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  13. #13
    Little Dreamer
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    [ December 13, 2001 at 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Gwen South ]</p>
    "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

  14. #14
    Test5150
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    [img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0RwAwIIsYSWe9YUty92ZUBuT0UzhJo9h1Li9OO2mH*sqaXqXMr VdxnWRblAu9GXGzPAzqgdew1rhP4w5z31V4iJjs1UBkzG!RIM8 xIgP10*c/102-excuses.jpg[/img]

  15. #15
    Test5150
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    [img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0QQBjDGYXSBhkRw!E5qY0D9fn9JU29h4uK2lNO17FPQvf52659 hcfrBhtu2tuO2t*Z*3imn2l0884gcShSqPfZDpLkpbjv*JCdP6 FSjgEeRs/klennex.jpg[/img]

 

 

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