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  1. #1
    Eruption
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!

    Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

    An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY!

    A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT???

    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

    A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!

    In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

    8. THE GRAND FINALE - This is a true story!

    Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.

    After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

    REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....

    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.




    ------------------

    Howard Stern News Desk

    "I have ever considered the constitutional mode of election ultimately by the Legislature voting by States as the most dangerous blot in our Constitution --Thomas Jefferson on the Electoral College

    "No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities." -Christian Nestell Bovee, American author (1820-1904).

  2. #2
    PM Goo with your concerns OLO's Avatar
    Join Date
    12.13.99
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    Enumclaw, WA
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    12.12.17 @ 10:08 PM
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    Number 8 - the people with the boat, should not have been allowed to keep the boat.
    What Idiots

    ------------------
    ((Just My Two Cents))
    and thats about what its worth

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! diamondsgirl's Avatar
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    So This Is Love?
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    12.13.13 @ 12:26 PM
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    #6 : LMAO
    Good Stuff!

    ------------------
    Nothin' says lovin' like Moonshine and Twinkies.
    _________________________
    "I want to have my cake, I want to eat it, too. I want pink frosting, I want it pre-sliced, delivered and paid for." -DLR

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    LMAO
    Thanks Mighty!!

  5. #5
    Super Duper Frontman YankeeRose's Avatar
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    I am a Van Halenized Canadian!
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    OU812
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    Why Can't This Be Love
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    12.11.17 @ 05:55 PM
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    Those are awesome Mighty VH, great job!

    ------------------
    Right Now you're reading my post!
    She's a vision from coast to coast...
    Kicking back ain't kicking you...
    Don't disturb my paradise,
    i've asked you once, I asked you nice...
    Up Front Fanatics!

  6. #6
    Good Enough
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    12.21.99
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    5150
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    "Dance the Night Away"
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    I have a recent one that just happened in New York that would certainly qualify. You guys will love this.

    A 19 year old Latino man was caught after a long string of car thefts from New York suburban shopping malls. Turns out that this braniac's last theft, a Toyota Camry back in November, also had a Minolta camera on the passenger seat. While he hot wired the car and drove off, he took pictures of himself wiring it and smiling in the camera as he drove off. The car was found ditched after an investigative search. There was no evidence besides almost an entire role of film left in the car which when developed, had every angle and description covered of the accomplice. He was arrested less then two hours after developing the film.

    B R I L L I A N T!

  7. #7
    Hang 'Em High Stuff No More's Avatar
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    01.08.05 @ 11:08 AM
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    These remind me of the Darwin award... but without the dying at the end.

    ------------------
    Fall in line, say the word...
    VHLinks Forum Moderator (Opinions)
    Up Front Fanatics!

  8. #8
    Eruption uncle ted's Avatar
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    05.17.00
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    São Paulo, SP, Brasil
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    fair warning
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    the new ones...
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    06.01.16 @ 12:55 PM
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    ok,

    this is a true story from 2 brasilian women (shamme on me...) that had been in NY, USA.

    they spent the whole day shopping so they went back to the hotel with lots of packages...

    when they enter the elevator, there was a black guy 6'6" with two giant dogs!!! they were so afraid, they thought he was a thief or something like that...

    when the door closed the guy said: "SIT!!!" to the dogs, but the two women droped the packages and sit on the floor... screaming of fear...

    the black dude couldn't help to laugh his ass until he almost died... the door opened and the women got out...

    couple of days latter, the women were checking out the hotel and happenend to find that their bill was paid and there was a note for them:

    "The only thing i could do to reward you for one of the most funny moments of my life was to pay the hotel bill. Thanks. Michael Jordan"

    this is a fucking funny history...

    ------------------
    maybe i'm crazy,
    or just too high...

    hey you... visit the fabio's van halen bootleg page

  9. #9
    Eruption
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    07.10.17 @ 09:12 PM
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    This is an absolute true story. Remember I teach high school special ed.

    Last Friday we were having problems with a kid. He was suppose to go to in school suspension (iss). He refused and had to be expelled. When the mother showed up to get her son the principal told her that she had to sign him out. When given the pen the mother looked at the principal and asked how to spell her son's name.

  10. #10
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    Charleston, SC
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    A few weeks ago in class we had to go around presenting projects. I had a cover sheet that was done in Photoshop. A girl walks up, picks it up, and here goes the dialogue:

    Female: Wow! That's nifty! How did you do that?
    JWS: I did it in Photoshop.
    F: Really? Do you know (some guy's name)? He works at the photo shop!
    J: Well, I don't know him, and Photoshop's a computer program.
    F: But do you know him? He works at the photo shop too!
    J: I don't know him! And the program I used was (going extra slow so it will filter in slower so hopefully she'll have time to process it before it goes out the other ear) A-d-o-b-e P-h-o-t-o-s-h-o-p 5-point-5. I DO NOT WORK AT THE PHOTO SHOP.
    F: Oh.

    Airheads.

    I've got more stories if you'd like a link.

    ------------------
    Right Now, it's safe to add one (1) to my post count.
    Right Now, strange is beautiful.
    Right Now, I'm a Dirty Faced Kid.
    Right Now, Van Halen needs to HURRY UP AND SAY SOMETHING.
    Right Now, I must be going.

    [This message has been edited by JWS_5150 (edited December 08, 2000 at 06:25 PM).]

    [This message has been edited by JWS_5150 (edited December 08, 2000 at 06:26 PM).]

  11. #11
    Eruption Steven B's Avatar
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    The one with the :
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    high fast stuff.
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    12.12.17 @ 07:33 PM
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    JWS5150- Did the girl happen to be a blonde?

  12. #12
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    Right on, Steven B.

    ------------------
    Right Now, it's safe to add one (1) to my post count.
    Right Now, strange is beautiful.
    Right Now, I'm a Dirty Faced Kid.
    Right Now, Van Halen needs to HURRY UP AND SAY SOMETHING.
    Right Now, I must be going.

 

 

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