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  1. #1
    Good Enough T.RYAN's Avatar
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    11.23.15 @ 05:52 PM
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    The candidates have finally been released! For those not
    familiar with the Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the
    person who
    provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting
    KILLED
    in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. As always, competition this
    year
    has been very keen. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
    lives
    for this event!

    DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:
    1. In September 2001, in Detroit, a 41 year old man got stuck and
    drowned in
    two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18 inch wide
    sewer
    grate to retrieve his car keys.

    2. In October, a 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
    zoned
    when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100- foot high cliff on his
    daily
    run.

    3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8 foot deep hole he had
    dug
    into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
    Jones,
    21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
    sitting
    in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
    collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand. People on the beach,
    on
    the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
    to
    Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
    rescue
    workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
    200
    people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
    fell
    face first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
    Death
    was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth(to keep
    his
    hands free) went through his mouth and rammed into the base
    of his skull as he hit the floor.

    5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, Army ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
    20,
    was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
    who was
    trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena
    was
    wearing.

    6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
    Del,
    as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
    loaded
    with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. He did and won.
    And
    lost.

    7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
    27,
    and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie
    in the
    game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

    DARWIN AWARDS HONORABLE MENTIONS:

    1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
    with a
    shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock
    near
    the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his
    skull.

    2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
    cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
    torch
    and caused a fire that destroyed the first and second floors of his
    house.

    3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
    wife
    Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter stick of dynamite blew up in
    their
    car. While driving around at 2 a.m., the bored couple lit the dynamite
    and
    tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
    but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

    2002 DARWIN AWARDS RUNNER UP:

    TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
    one
    of them said they knew a person who had bungee jumped from the Tacoma
    Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
    heated
    during the night until at least ten men trooped along the walkway of
    the
    bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
    discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
    continued
    drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable
    lay
    nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
    the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
    the
    cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
    survived
    his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
    fishermen.
    "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on
    that
    night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was
    never
    located.

    AND THE 2002 DARWIN AWARD WINNER:

    PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
    constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
    a
    bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged up pachyderm
    finally
    let fly and buried the keeper under 200 pounds of crap!
    Investigators say ill fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
    ailing
    elephant an
    olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. The sheer
    force of
    the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
    ground,
    where he "struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
    continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said
    flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there
    to
    help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
    watchman
    came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just
    one of
    those freak accidents that happen.
    No president puts joy in my life, but Van Halen puts joy in my ears.

    Never pet a burning dog.

  2. #2
    Good Enough
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    06.29.07 @ 03:57 PM
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    Wow what a list......thanks for posting.
    From 3-13 to 10-6 and NFC South Champs.....go Saints!

    My Hurricane Katrina pics

  3. #3
    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    Favorite VH Song

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    04.05.12 @ 09:06 AM
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    Donor

    Originally posted by T.RYAN:

    AND THE 2002 DARWIN AWARD WINNER:

    PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
    constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
    a
    bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged up pachyderm
    finally
    let fly and buried the keeper under 200 pounds of crap!
    Investigators say ill fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
    ailing
    elephant an
    olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. The sheer
    force of
    the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
    ground,
    where he "struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
    continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said
    flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there
    to
    help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
    watchman
    came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just
    one of
    those freak accidents that happen.
    This story has been circulating on the internet for a few years and has been in other supposed past Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards website itself lists this report as an urban legend:
    http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-09.html

    The other stories may also be legends, myths, or just completely made up, but I didn't take the time to research them.
    Scott Roberts
    The Official Scott Roberts Blog - http://www.scottrobertsweb.com
    FORMER owner of The VH Trade Site - http://www.vhtrading.com

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
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    12.13.17 @ 09:05 AM
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    Donor

    Anybody like to read some more try this link:

    Darwin Awards

    My personal favorite is Fuzzy Fights Back

    Reminds me of:

    John West Salmon Commercial
    Rock the Red!!!

    "Give Doc the shotgun. They're less apt to get nervy if he's on the street howitzer."

    "Dying ain't much of a living, boy."

    Save a Terrapin - Fear a Turtle

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    I love the Darwin Awards...they have a great book out with a shit load of great stories.
    Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of course in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.
    -Lewis Tully in Ghostbusters

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk Raldo's Avatar
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    12.13.17 @ 10:30 AM
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    Holy crap!
    Remember the Heroes - 9/11/01

    In 2012, the phoenix has risen!!

    "High speed, low drag."

    "Look at all the people here tonight!!!" - 10/5/07, 5/20/08 Mohegan Sun

    Congratulations to Van Halen as part of the Class of 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

    Cinco de Cabo @ Foxwoods: "A giant party with live music" - S. Hagar

    got tequila?

    http://keepitaliveforever.com

  7. #7
    Good Enough badkaraoke's Avatar
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    01.15.14 @ 05:39 AM
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    This stuff started on the newsgroup alt.tasteless years ago.

    bk
    A headless body in a topless bar...

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium
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    09.15.15 @ 08:40 AM
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    Originally posted by Aquatic Punk:
    I love the Darwin Awards...they have a great book out with a shit load of great stories.
    have it. [img]smile.gif[/img] definitely a good read. it kinda helps you unwind at the end of the day, sitting in bed before you turn in, and laugh about how some idiot managed to successfully wrestle a burmese python into a sack, until he took it out to brag about it to his friends, and gets strangled to death. people are stupid. [img]smile.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Super Duper Frontman track 5's Avatar
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    12.03.17 @ 09:00 PM
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    Premium Member
    I've seen some fucked up shit in my time, but that poor bastard who died from Elephant shit takes the cake. LMAO. Out.
    Quin-a-se-i-co

    You're a dick for putting ian on "ignore" DIF

    "You stupid fuck!" Seen

    "Well if you saw it, stats and scientific studies be damned!" Lovemachine 97 v. 2.

 

 

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