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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    Favorite VH Album

    the classic 6 pack
    Favorite VH Song

    hmmm...everybody wants some
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    12.13.17 @ 08:37 PM
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    i read ur thread on what might save some guys...lol. well, here are the 9 most important men in a woman's life...they know what to say

    THE DOCTOR...because he says...take ur clothes off

    THE DENTIST...cuz he says open wide

    THE HAIRDRESSER..cuz he says, do you want it teased or blown?

    THE MILKMAN..cuz he says, do you want it in the front or the back?

    THE INTERIOR DECORATOR..cuz he says..once it's in, you'll love it.

    THE STOCK BROKER..cuz he says...it will rise up, fluctuate for a while, and then slowly fall back down.

    THE BANKER...cuz he says if u take it out too soon, u'll lose interest.

    THE HUNTER...cuz he says, i go deep in the bush, shoot twice, and always eat what i shoot.

    THE AT&T GUY....cuz he says, would you like it on the table or against the wall.

    everyone has to have someone important in their lives ya know?

    JMJ

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    lol...those are good

    what would a mechanic, plumber, mailman,chef
    and a waiter say....????



  3. #3
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    >Thought maybe you would enjoy this.....
    >
    >
    >A man a his daughter were picking vegetables from their garden. When the
    >little girl spotted two spiders! Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?
    >the little girl asked. They're mating, her father replied. What do you
    >call the spider on top, Daddy? she asked. That's a Daddy Longlegs. her
    >father answered. So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs? the little girl
    >asked. No, her father replied. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs. The
    >little girl thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them
    >flat. Well, we're not having THAT sorta shit going on in OUR garden!!
    >

  4. #4
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    > > >> > > SEX AT 90
    > > >> > >
    > > >> > > Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time when the man told
    >the
    > > >> > > woman, "I think it's time we had sex, don't you agree?" And, so
    >they
    > > >> did.
    > > >> > > Afterward, as they were laying in bed, the man thinks to himself,
    >"My
    > > >> God,
    > > >> > > if I had known that she was a virgin, I would have been much=20
    >more
    > > >> gentle
    > > >> > > with her!"
    > > >> > >
    > > >> > > Meanwhile, the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I had
    > > >> > > known that the old geezer could really do it , I would have taken
    >off
    > > >my
    > > >> > > panty hose!

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk
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    Favorite VH Album

    the classic 6 pack
    Favorite VH Song

    hmmm...everybody wants some
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    12.13.17 @ 08:37 PM
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    Liked 967 Times in 387 Posts

    eeeww

    JMJ

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    > TOP TEN REASONS GOD CREATED EVE
    >
    > 10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden
    > because he wouldn't ask for directions.
    >
    > 9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the
    > TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't
    > want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
    >
    > 8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
    >
    > 7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never
    > buy a new one for himself.
    >
    > 6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
    >
    > 5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam
    > would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
    >
    > 4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his
    > tools.
    >
    > 3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for
    > anything else that was really his fault.
    >
    > 2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
    >
    > 1. And the No. 1 reason of all [Tada, drum roll, fanfare, etc.]
    > God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better
    > than that.
    > >>

  7. #7
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    This one is good.....
    << "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word
    meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his
    wallet,"
    --- Robin Williams

    "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I
    think of it as the only time of the month that I can
    be myself,"
    --- Roseanne

    "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,"
    --- Billy Crystal

    "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
    will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right!
    I never would've thought of that!'"
    --- Dave Barry

    "We have women in the military, but they don't put
    us in the front lines. They don't know if we can
    fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the
    general has to do is walk over to the women and say,
    'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat
    in those uniforms.'"
    --- Elaine Boosler

    "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
    --- George Carlin

    "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
    a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
    --- Lewis Grizzard

    "The problem with the designated driver program,
    it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked
    into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the
    night, drop them off at the wrong house."
    --- Jeff Foxworthy

    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and
    a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
    --- Robin Williams

    "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly
    ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose
    to save the infant's life without even considering
    if there is a man on base."
    --- Dave Barry

    "What do people mean when they say the computer went
    down on them?"
    ---Marilyn Pittman

    "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,
    and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend
    or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you
    two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and
    before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
    --- Bob Ettinger

    "My mom said she learned how to swim when someone
    took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.
    I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how
    to swim.'"
    --- Paula Poundstone

    "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
    better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to
    the authors of that study:---- Duh."
    --- Conan O'Brien

    "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
    halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
    I could be eating a slow learner."
    --- Lynda Montgomery

    "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day
    Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
    --- Roseanne

    "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of
    people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
    and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's
    go west.'"
    --- Richard Jeni

    "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
    impersonators would be dead."
    ---Johnny Carson

    "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    --- Paul Rodriguez

    "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they
    turned sixty, and that's the law."
    --- Jerry Seinfeld

    "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to
    line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
    to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn
    slower?"
    --- Warren Hutcherson

    "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
    --- Oscar Wilde

    "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an
    institution yet."
    --- Mae West

    "Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a
    member of Congress...But I repeat myself."
    --- Mark Twain


    "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
    student. At least they can find Kuwait."
    --- A. Whitney Brown

    "The box said 'Requires Windows 95, or better.'
    So I bought a Macintosh." -- Anonymous



 

 

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