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Thread: The Fart Thread

  1. #1
    Atomic Punk FH's Avatar
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    10.22.09 @ 11:47 AM
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    Donor

    Farts. Everybody loves 'em and if you don't enjoy smelling your own at times, you're a fucking liar! Most women try to say they excuse themselves to the bathroom to let out their gas, but that's gotta be complete bullshit. Even the most stuck-up person in the world gets pleasure out of letting one slip here and there. What are your most embarrassing moments? Ever purposely let out a nice tear-jerker for somebody else to walk into? Ever take one of your younger siblings and sit on their head-letting loose a mighty blast of last night's broccoli? Ever let one fly only to fill your drawers? I used to let loose on the elevator when I was alone, hoping to leave a "gift" behind for the next rider-but I was busted when the elevator stopped on a floor I didn't intend to happen,letting on an attractive woman, and having to stare at the floor for the remainder of the trip praying nothing would be said. I know some of you have some foul stories to share: Let 'em loose!

    [ January 10, 2003, 04:17 AM: Message edited by: FH ]

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    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    yeah, nuttin beats impressing your friends with a good fart. My freshman year of college, after seening another guy do it and after months of trying, I successfully ignited two farts.

    The only time I was ever embarrassed was when I was in 8th grade...I was very shy and somebody made me laugh real hard during study hall and I let loose a loud one by accident...the whole class got quiet and then burst out laughing. The teacher made me go to the bathroom for 5 minutes.
    Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of course in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.
    -Lewis Tully in Ghostbusters

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    05.17.09 @ 06:50 AM
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    Donor

    I bought a fart machine with a remote control and had the kid put it in his pocket at Fred Meyer's and followed him around pressing the button when ever he walked through a group of people. I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants at people's reaction to this it is by far the coolest invention since sliced bread [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

    Here is a story from a fart site that I visit pretty often http://farts.netcarver.com (true or not this is pretty fucking funny)

    It was about five years ago...I went downtown to pick up some tax forms,which were on the 12th story of the building.I'd eaten a late dinner the night before-sausage dogs and kraut,which weren't settling too well on this morning...I could still taste the damned things,and had awful heartburn to boot.
    Apparently,the trigger was that huge mug of coffee that I'd stupidly poured REAL creamer in,instead of the powdered kind....
    .....you see,I'm lactose intolerant,in a BAD way.Just looking at milk can bring on a case of nasty blasts....
    OK.So I head for the elevator,which is crowded as usual on a Monday morning.Maybe eight unfortunate souls are sharing this soon-to-be torture chamber with me...and just as the doors closed and I'd pressed twelve...as fate would have it...
    ....What felt like an acetylene torch flame hissed and scorched (silently,thank God)outta my tortured ass.I knew it was gonna smell like shit.I had no idea that it would smell like being buried in a pool of rotten diahrrea!!I tried to pretend nothing was wrong,but it was about to make me sick...and I wasn't the only one.By now,everyone was turning red,holding their breath,as the elevator continued it's ascent.Cries of "Jeezus Christ!".."who shit!!"..."Oh my God..."and lots of gagging began to erupt around me...
    ....until it happened.The lady behind me,trying in vain to breathe,made a harsh,choked cry and projectile vomited ALL OVER THE BACK OF MY PANTS!!!She also splashed four or five others with chunks...people began banging on the buttons,even the emergency stop...which worked,as we came to a grinding halt.The awful tang of puke in the air was too much....I gagged,then upchucked morning coffee and half-digested sausage all over my shoes!!The elevator ascended one more floor,and as the doors opened,the man next to me puked all over the inside of the doors...people began scrambling out,slipping in the vomit,and still wheezing and gagging from the smell of my putrid gas and the piles of puke in the elevator...needless to say,I didn't get to my taxes that day...

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    Johnson Rod Pabs's Avatar
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    10.29.09 @ 12:50 PM
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    Donor

    That story was so funnie. Haha.
    CHICAGO WHITE SOX - 2005 WORLD CHAMPIONS

    The Chicago White Sox (1901-present) - The Original SOX - Proof

    The Boston Americans (1901)
    The Boston Somersets (1902)
    The Boston Pilgrims (1903-1906)
    The Boston Red Sox (1907-present) - Proof

    The Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets whatever you want to call them, have NEVER displayed "SOX" anywhere on their caps, jerseys, or merchandise, therefore they shouldn't be referred to as such. However, the White Sox have used "SOX" since 1912.

    The SOX are in Chicago...we just allow the Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets to use the name.

    2007 Fantasy Football Champion

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    Good Enough ScottRoberts's Avatar
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    04.05.12 @ 09:06 AM
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    Donor

    I fart all the time and so does my wife, very openly, especially in bed. She's long past the stage of being "classy" or "polite" by running in the other room or trying to hide them.
    Scott Roberts
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    05.17.09 @ 06:50 AM
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    Donor

    Every now and then I let one accidentally rip during sex right at that moment, kinda gross but feels kinda good [img]graemlins/sssh.gif[/img]

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    Johnson Rod Pabs's Avatar
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    Donor

    Or how about during sex when you're pounding on her and an air pocket enters her pussy and then it rips out like a loud rip. We bust out laughing when that happens. LOL.
    CHICAGO WHITE SOX - 2005 WORLD CHAMPIONS

    The Chicago White Sox (1901-present) - The Original SOX - Proof

    The Boston Americans (1901)
    The Boston Somersets (1902)
    The Boston Pilgrims (1903-1906)
    The Boston Red Sox (1907-present) - Proof

    The Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets whatever you want to call them, have NEVER displayed "SOX" anywhere on their caps, jerseys, or merchandise, therefore they shouldn't be referred to as such. However, the White Sox have used "SOX" since 1912.

    The SOX are in Chicago...we just allow the Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets to use the name.

    2007 Fantasy Football Champion

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    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    I have one of those remote control fart machines too...I used it at Christmas...wrapped the noise makin part in a box and put it under the tree. whenever somebody bent down to get a present...they farted.

    great story aboot the elevator btw.
    Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of course in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.
    -Lewis Tully in Ghostbusters

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    Johnson Rod Pabs's Avatar
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    Donor

    Originally posted by Aquatic Punk:
    I have one of those remote control fart machines too...I used it at Christmas...wrapped the noise makin part in a box and put it under the tree. whenever somebody bent down to get a present...they farted.

    great story aboot the elevator btw.
    That's a good idea.
    CHICAGO WHITE SOX - 2005 WORLD CHAMPIONS

    The Chicago White Sox (1901-present) - The Original SOX - Proof

    The Boston Americans (1901)
    The Boston Somersets (1902)
    The Boston Pilgrims (1903-1906)
    The Boston Red Sox (1907-present) - Proof

    The Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets whatever you want to call them, have NEVER displayed "SOX" anywhere on their caps, jerseys, or merchandise, therefore they shouldn't be referred to as such. However, the White Sox have used "SOX" since 1912.

    The SOX are in Chicago...we just allow the Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets to use the name.

    2007 Fantasy Football Champion

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    Sinner's Swing! chewbaccamonkeylunch's Avatar
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    Donor

    Originally posted by Pabs:
    Or how about during sex when you're pounding on her and an air pocket enters her pussy and then it rips out like a loud rip. We bust out laughing when that happens. LOL.
    That would be a "Quief". Now it is really funny most of the time, but when you are having pie it is kinda gross though. One time I was enjoying some bearded clam and this bubble comes out and bursts and it scared the hell out of me [img]graemlins/scared.gif[/img]
    The trashman was my hero.......
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    Johnson Rod Pabs's Avatar
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    Donor

    That only will happen if you're railin' her and then go down on her. That air will pop out. At least it's fresh air that you put in, and not brewed air from the asshole.

    There are dudes that would come on Stern's show and rip ass at will, because they had the ability to suck air in and rip it out.

    I remember the one guy would always leave a little turd behind. lol
    CHICAGO WHITE SOX - 2005 WORLD CHAMPIONS

    The Chicago White Sox (1901-present) - The Original SOX - Proof

    The Boston Americans (1901)
    The Boston Somersets (1902)
    The Boston Pilgrims (1903-1906)
    The Boston Red Sox (1907-present) - Proof

    The Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets whatever you want to call them, have NEVER displayed "SOX" anywhere on their caps, jerseys, or merchandise, therefore they shouldn't be referred to as such. However, the White Sox have used "SOX" since 1912.

    The SOX are in Chicago...we just allow the Pilgrims/Americans/Somersets to use the name.

    2007 Fantasy Football Champion

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk FH's Avatar
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    10.22.09 @ 11:47 AM
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    Donor

    Originally posted by Pabs:
    That only will happen if you're railin' her and then go down on her. That air will pop out. At least it's fresh air that you put in, and not brewed air from the asshole.

    There are dudes that would come on Stern's show and rip ass at will, because they had the ability to suck air in and rip it out.

    I remember the one guy would always leave a little turd behind. lol
    [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    I remember those days: Dan the farter and the queefer-girls who queefed "Happy Birthday" for Gary the Retard!
    Honorable Mention: That British guy who dressed in that green superman outfit-can't remember his name though but he was a true pro....
    Mr. Me-Thane! That was it!

    [ January 10, 2003, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: FH ]

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium
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    eric, i busted a good laugh when i read your story. [img]smile.gif[/img]

    i was gonna mention, that if you let out a gooder right before you're about to score with a chick. you never really know if she's still into it or not.

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    Atomic Punk FH's Avatar
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    Donor

    Originally posted by laner:
    eric, i busted a good laugh when i read your story. [img]smile.gif[/img]

    I just about sprayed Sprite all over my monitor reading that! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

 

 

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