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Thread: Farts are Fun!!

  1. #1
    Good Enough Van Gully's Avatar
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    09.04.17 @ 05:32 AM
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    Come on admit it. Everybody laughs at farts now and then.

    I especially like to let loose with some high octane greasy wet farts after eating some extremely hot Mexican cuisine. This is best done in bed. I then push my girlfriend's head under the covers and let her enjoy the aromatic vapors that issued forth from my angry bowels. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/devil.gif[/img]

    Anyone else have some funny and or embarrassing fart stories?
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of VHLinks.com

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    Romeo Delight
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    My husband has always saved his farts for when he was around me. It doesn't matter if we are at home, in the bed, in a store, anywhere he will do it.
    One day he was laying on our sectional sofa watching tv and I was about to sit down. I had really bad gas and right before I sat down I stood near his head and released a silent one. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    A few seconds later he said, "Damn woman...did you fart?" LMFAO it was so funny!
    I snuck that one up on him! [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

    When our first born was about three months old, my husband and I were in the checkout line at the grocery store. Our little boy was just a farting (LOUD) and the woman ahead of us kept looking back at us as if she were thinking --yeah sure blame it on the baby--! lol
    My brain just about blew up trying to think of something to put here....(Space for rent)...anybody want some?

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium
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    09.15.15 @ 08:40 AM
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    yep, farts are funny. mine are usually silent...but violent. [img]smilies/devil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

    sometimes i feel sorry for the peeps around me, if it's been a good day for spices... [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

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    Good Enough Van Gully's Avatar
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    09.04.17 @ 05:32 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by laner:
    yep, farts are funny. mine are usually silent...but violent. [img]smilies/devil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Usually silent, uh? I wonder why? [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of VHLinks.com

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    Eruption BigBadBrian's Avatar
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    08.12.10 @ 07:15 AM
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    I had a doctor, a gastroenterologist to boot, tell me one time that it is unhealthy to hold in body gas.

    There you go people....let 'em out and let everyone enjoy them!!


    P.S. I farted, rather loudly, in a check-out line one time and the cashier asked my wife what the hell she had been feeding me. My wife was pissed at me for the rest of the day.
    "Tardy? I don't feel tardy!"

    "I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister!" - DLR

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    Baluchitherium
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    05.12.06 @ 06:39 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BigBadBrian:

    P.S. I farted, rather loudly, in a check-out line one time and the cashier asked my wife what the hell she had been feeding me. My wife was pissed at me for the rest of the day.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    LOL!!
    I am awesome

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    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

    [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

    Silent but deadly...gotta hate those... [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]
    I'm one of those crazies on your block.

    writing

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    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 10:48 AM
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    Donor

    farts are fun? wtf? I cant believe this hasnt been done yet, what a topic [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] (gully's "soft" topic after everybody gets riled up at him [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img])

    But on occasion, ole seenbad can surely rip a little arse like the best of em'. I'm no prude. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] Hell, they fuckin stink too! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] BOOYYAA BABY!! [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img] My farts rock the earth!!

    I'm so proud. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

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    Baluchitherium
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    05.12.06 @ 06:39 PM
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    Thanks for sharing [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

    I can rip some real good ones [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]. Sometimes i can make them sound really cool! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    I am awesome

  10. #10
    Good Enough Van Gully's Avatar
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    09.04.17 @ 05:32 AM
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    Once, when I was a teenager, I was laying on the floor watching t.v. when our dog came into the room. I had recently finished a small bag of Fritos and a can of Pepsi. Well the dog started sniffin' around the room, like dogs like to do, and finally she came to me. She gave the standard sniff and lick in the face and then she moved away; I was thinking she was leaving the room at this point. Well, she had come around the coffee table and was now behind me. Seeing this, and knowing dogs inclinations for ass-sniffing, I waited for her to do her thing. As soon I as she made her initial sniffs around my methane making machine, I let loose with a loud, and very violent, stinker. That dog jumped back about a foot, tilted it's head, sneezed twice, and left the room most ricky tick. Me and my brother laughed our asses off for the next 5 minutes. The dog stayed away from me for the rest of the evening.
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of VHLinks.com

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    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

    LMAO Gully!

    [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    I'm one of those crazies on your block.

    writing

  12. #12
    Unchained
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    There was once a man who had the terrible habit of letting loose at the most inopportune times. His wife would constantly croon "One of these days you're gonna fart your guts out, Frank!"

    Finally one day she got so fed up, she decided she would play a little joke on him to teach him a lesson. Knowing he let loose with a loud one every night after getting into bed, she decided to save the chicken entrails from dinner and hide them under the bedsheets.

    As he was brushing his teeth, she slipped the entrails under the sheets, then slipped into the kitchen to await the results.

    A few moments later she heard a loud fart followed by a blood curtling scream, so she rushed into the bedroom. There she saw her husband with a huge grin on his face.

    "What happened?" she asked, with a smug grin.

    "You were right! But with the help of God and these 2 fingers, I put 'em right back up there!"

    [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

    I only remembered the punchline from highschool, so I had to fabricate the rest...
    <b><i>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />Darkness, imprisoning me.<br />All that I see: absolute horror.<br />I cannot live<br />I cannot die<br />Trapped in myself<br />Body my holding cell<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /></i></b>

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    On Fire Nature Boy's Avatar
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    09.04.12 @ 11:37 AM
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    This could be the greatest topic ever!! Everybody loves a fart! When I feel one coming on, I like to kind of sit on the edge of a table and use the pressure of the table to rip out the maximum sound from it. I can break glass with my ass!!
    I'm in vet school and I learned in one of my classes why certain foods give you gas. The gas is formed by bacteria in your lower intestines. Methane. When you eat a food that has a particularly high amount of indigestible protein (i.e. BEANS!!!), your body can't use it, but the bacteria can and do it rather efficiently. And their by-product is...........you guessed it......a loud-ass fart!!! Sweet potatoes make me fart like there is no tomorrow. Anyway, keep on pooting people!!!!!!

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    Atomic Punk Eddymon's Avatar
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    12.17.17 @ 11:10 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Van Gully:
    Come on admit it. Everybody laughs at farts now and then.

    I especially like to let loose with some high octane greasy wet farts after eating some extremely hot Mexican cuisine. This is best done in bed. I then push my girlfriend's head under the covers and let her enjoy the aromatic vapors that issued forth from my angry bowels. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/devil.gif[/img]

    Anyone else have some funny and or embarrassing fart stories?
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Then she turns to you and says

    "I smell sperm"

    [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

    [img]smilies/devil.gif[/img]

    [ June 25, 2001 at 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Eddymon ]
    'Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-makes you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? And the new Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship.' - David Lee Roth.

  15. #15
    Good Enough Van Gully's Avatar
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    09.04.17 @ 05:32 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Eddymon:

    "I smell sperm"

    [ June 25, 2001 at 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Eddymon ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Ok, Eddymon, the vast majority of us, myself included, don't wanna hear about your homosexual fantasies. This is a thread about farts and farting. This is not a thread about Eddymon dreaming about smelling sperm oozing out of another man's rectum. If you must; start your own thread about the homo-butt-sperm thing but keep it out of our fart stories. Bastard! Now the mods will probably shut this down. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
    "Gully, watch yourself. I am dead serious." - Brett Norton, Emperor of VHLinks.com

 

 

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