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  1. #1
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    10.22.17 @ 08:55 PM
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    There was a suit brought in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
    The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary
    modification."
    "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.
    Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf remove all boys named Brad from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Brad are brats."
    Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "fuzzy math up there at the North Pole."
    "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."
    Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony that she's asked for.
    The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to depart Friday.
    "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.
    Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokes-elf said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days," said the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly."


    ------------------
    F.O.R.D. Country
    EUAS 2001 : The Wrath of Roth

    Van HALEN is: Dave, Eddie, Mikey, Alex. Any questions?

    preaching the gospel of the one true Van HALEN for the redemption of a rock n roll world that's gone
    to boy band Hell.

  2. #2
    Sinner's Swing!
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Nice! That was a good laugh...

    I cannot believe we have to put up with this guy for the next 4 years.



  3. #3
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    05.18.09 @ 11:19 PM
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    Donor

    Excellent FORD, simply excellent.

    ------------------
    Right Now, it's safe to add one (1) to my post count.
    Right Now, strange is beautiful.
    Right Now, I'm a Dirty Faced Kid.
    Right Now, Van Halen needs to HURRY UP AND SAY SOMETHING.
    Right Now, Ray Danniels must be GONE.

  4. #4
    Good Enough hellohawk's Avatar
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    08.10.15 @ 07:37 AM
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    Premium Member
    Sweet story.
    The only thing that will make the next 4 years tolerable will be VH.

    Save us boys!

  5. #5
    Eruption BigBadBrian's Avatar
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    08.12.10 @ 07:15 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JWS_5150:
    Excellent FORD, simply excellent.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    It's just like a liberal to take credit for something that is circulating around the internet. Sorry friends, FORD didn't dream this one up!


  6. #6
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    03.03.15 @ 08:31 PM
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    Donor

    Did FORD take credit for that? Once again, Brian isn't reading right... I'm willing to bet FORD stuck that little bit about Brad in there, though.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    10.22.17 @ 08:55 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MikeL:
    Did FORD take credit for that? Once again, Brian isn't reading right... I'm willing to bet FORD stuck that little bit about Brad in there, though. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Honestly, I didn't change a word of it. But I'll bet Brad must think otherwise, because 5 minutes after I posted this over at the Dome, it was GONE.

    "Who censors the censor? Can't I do that myself??" - John Lydon



    ------------------
    F.O.R.D. Country
    EUAS 2001 : The Wrath of Roth

    Van HALEN is: Dave, Eddie, Mikey, Alex. Any questions?

    preaching the gospel of the one true Van HALEN for the redemption of a rock n roll world that's gone
    to boy band Hell.

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium Lead Synth's Avatar
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    02.22.16 @ 08:29 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BigBadBrian:
    Sorry friends, FORD didn't dream this one up!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    It's just like a CONSERVATIVE to point that out. At any rate, the fact that FORD didn't write it doesn't make it any less funny.



    ------------------
    http://maya.iuma.com &lt;-- My Stuff
    http://www.vhvault.com/1989 &lt;-- My Van Halen Page

  9. #9
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    Nice one, FORD

  10. #10
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FORD:
    girl who is naughty, really awful, really bad," said Bush.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    His daughter made the news

    tsk tsk-as you sow, so shall you reap


  11. #11
    Eruption BigBadBrian's Avatar
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    08.12.10 @ 07:15 AM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lead Synth:
    It's just like a CONSERVATIVE to point that out. At any rate, the fact that FORD didn't write it doesn't make it any less funny.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Liberals - you can't talk sense to them and you can't shoot 'em. Or can you? Hmm.....


  12. #12
    Eruption BigBadBrian's Avatar
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    08.12.10 @ 07:15 AM
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    Hey MikeL, would you happen to be a Vikings fan?

  13. #13
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    The painful affliction of being a Vikings fan is one that I suffer from, year after year.

  14. #14
    Baluchitherium
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    09.15.15 @ 08:40 AM
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    that was classic.

    ------------------
    EBAS!!!!
    i know i would!!!
    i am a Dirty Faced Kid, although i do fancy myself a good lookin' fellow...
    AD for life...
    Diamond Mafia... respect the family...fuhgetaboutit

  15. #15
    Imperial Fascist Overlord Down In Flames's Avatar
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    I'll close this one before any FURTHER name-calling ensues.

    Anyway, we've already got TWO political threads up and running.

    (Not that anyone GIVES a shit... )

    ------------------
    "Hey Down, my brotha, never ever forget your priorities... Beer first, trash second." - A life lesson, courtesy of track 5

    Official Bartender Of VHForums

 

 

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