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Thread: More funnies 4U

  1. #1
    Baluchitherium
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    > > > It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to
    pick up his date.
    > > >
    > > > He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.
    When he goes to the front
    > > > door, the girl's father answers and invites
    him in. "Carrie's not
    > > > ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he
    asks. "That's cool,"
    > > > says Bobby.
    > > >
    > > > Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're
    planning to do. Bobby
    > > > replies politely that they will probably just
    go to the soda shop or a
    > > > movie.
    > > >
    > > > Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two
    go out and screw? I
    > > > hear all the kids are doing it."
    > > >
    > > > Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to
    Bobby, so he asks
    > > > Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says
    Carries father, "Carrie
    > > > really likes to screw, she'll screw all night
    if we let her!"
    > > >
    > > > Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up,
    and immediately
    > > > revised his plans for the evening. A few
    minutes later, Carrie comes
    > > > downstairs in her little poodle skirt and
    announces that she's ready
    > > > to go. Almost breathless with anticipation,
    Bobby escorts his date
    > > > out the front door.
    > > >
    > > > About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly
    disheveled Carrie rushes
    > > > back into the house, slams the door behind
    her, and screams at
    > > > her father:
    > > >
    > > > "DAMN IT, DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium
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    A French man is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter
    and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The
    French man ignores the American who, nevertheless starts a conversation.

    American: You French folk eat the whole bread?
    Frenchman: (in a bad mood) "Of course"
    American: (after blowing a huge bubble) We don't. In the States we only
    eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
    transform them into croissants and sell them to France.

    The American has a smirk on his face. The Frenchman listens in silence.

    The American insists: D'ya eat jelly with the bread?
    Frenchman: "Of course"
    American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't".
    In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all peel, seeds and
    leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it t=
    o
    France.

    The Frenchman then asks: And what do you do with condoms once you've used
    them?
    American: We throw them away, of course.
    Frenchman: We don't. In France, we put them in containers, recycle them,
    melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium
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    > > > >A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he
    > > > > >wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But
    > > > > >we don't know anything about each other."
    > > > > >
    > > > > >He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each
    > > > > >other as we go along."
    > > > > >
    > > > > >She consented, and they were married, and
    > > > > >went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
    > > > > >
    > > > > >So one morning they were lying by the pool,
    > > > > >when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to
    > > > > >the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half
    > > > > >tuck gainer, this was followed by a three
    > > > > >rotations in jackknife position, where he
    > > > > >straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
    > > > > >
    > > > > >After a few more demonstrations, he came
    > > > > >back and lay down on the towel. She said,
    > > > > >"That was incredible!"
    > > > > >
    > > > > >He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving
    > > > > >champion. You see, I told you we'd learn
    > > > > >more about ourselves as we went along."
    > > > > >
    > > > > >So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started
    > > > > >doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed
    > > > > >back out and lay down on her towel hardly out
    > > > > >of breath.
    > > > > >
    > > > > >He said, "That was incredible! Were you an
    > > > > >Olympic endurance swimmer?"
    > > > > >
    > > > > >"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and
    > > > > >I worked both sides of the canal."

  4. #4
    Atomic Punk Wolfman's Avatar
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    Good stuff, Angel - I've heard the frenchman one before - it's brutal.

    Hey go check out my response to you in the "Convention" thread in the Main.

    Wolf

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    *gulp* - Down In Flames

    "...like falling down the stairs and landing on your feet." - Edward Van Halen describing his solos.

    "I'm not scared of you punk - I got chunks of guys like you in my stools!" - "Sinatra" to "Billy Idol" on SNL

  5. #5
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    i die

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium
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    Even this is in on the Presidential Campaign.....Scroll down Sometimes when you have a stressful day or
    > > >> > week, you need
    > > >> > > some silliness to break up the day. Here is
    > > >> > your dose...The
    > > >> > > following is an excerpt from a children's
    > > >> > book, Captain
    > > >> > > Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor
    > > >> > Poopypants", by Dav
    > > >> > > Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to
    > > >> > assume new names...
    > > >> > >
    > > >> > > Use the first letter of your first name to
    > > >> > determine your NEW first
    > > >> > > name:
    > > >> > > a = stinky
    > > >> > > b = lumpy
    > > >> > > c = buttercup
    > > >> > > d = gidget
    > > >> > > e = crusty
    > > >> > > f = greasy
    > > >> > > g = fluffy
    > > >> > > h = cheeseball
    > > >> > > i = chim-chim
    > > >> > > j = poopsie
    > > >> > > k = flunky
    > > >> > > l = booger
    > > >> > > m = pinky
    > > >> > > n = zippy
    > > >> > > o = goober
    > > >> > > p = doofus
    > > >> > > q = slimy
    > > >> > > r = loopy
    > > >> > > s = snotty
    > > >> > > t = falafel
    > > >> > > u = dorkey
    > > >> > > v = squeezit
    > > >> > > w = oprah
    > > >> > > x = skipper
    > > >> > > y = dinky
    > > >> > > z = zsa-zsa
    > > >> > > >>>> > >
    > > >> > > Use the first letter of your last name to
    > > >> > determine the FIRST half
    > > >> > > of you NEW last name
    > > >> > > a = diaper
    > > >> > > b = toilet
    > > >> > > c = giggle
    > > >> > > d = bubble
    > > >> > > e = girdle
    > > >> > > f = barf
    > > >> > > g = lizard
    > > >> > > h = waffle
    > > >> > > i = cootie
    > > >> > > j = monkey
    > > >> > > k = potty
    > > >> > > l = liver
    > > >> > > m = banana
    > > >> > > n = rhino
    > > >> > > o = burger:
    > > >> > > p = hamster
    > > >> > > q = toad
    > > >> > > r = gizzard
    > > >> > > s = pizza
    > > >> > > t = gerbil
    > > >> > > u = chicken
    > > >> > > v = pickle
    > > >> > > w = chuckle
    > > >> > > x = tofu
    > > >> > > y = gorilla
    > > >> > > z = stinker
    > > >> > > >>>> > >
    > > >> > > Use the last letter of your last name to
    > > >> > determine the second half
    > > >> > > of your NEW last name:
    > > >> > > >>>> > >
    > > >> > > a = head
    > > >> > > b = mouth
    > > >> > > c = face
    > > >> > > d = nose
    > > >> > > e = tush
    > > >> > > f = breath
    > > >> > > g = pants
    > > >> > > h = shorts
    > > >> > > i = lips
    > > >> > > j = honker
    * > >> > > >>>> > > k = butt
    > > >> > > l = brain
    > > >> > > m = tushie
    > > >> > > n = chunks
    > > >> > > o = hiney
    > > >> > > p = biscuits
    > > >> > > q = toes
    > > >> > > r = buns
    > > >> > > s = fanny
    > > >> > > t = sniffer
    > > >> > > u = sprinkles
    > > >> > > v = kisser
    > > >> > > w = squirt
    > > >> > > x = humperdinck
    > > >> > > y = brains
    > > >> > > z = juice
    > > >> > > >>>> > >
    > > >> > > Thus, for example, George Bush's new name is
    > > >> > Fluffy Toiletshorts.

  7. #7
    Hang 'Em High Stuff No More's Avatar
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    Poopsie Barfbuns at your service

    ------------------
    Fall in line, say the word...
    VHLinks Forum Moderator (Opinions)
    Up Front Fanatics!

  8. #8
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    Pinky Wafflelips

  9. #9
    Baluchitherium
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    dinkypottytush....lol

  10. #10
    Baluchitherium
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    This is not my story...someone sent this to me....................> > >This is dedicated to everyone that has been embarrassed
    > > >by a child's words or action. Have you ever asked your child a
    > > >question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start
    > > >getting frustrated!
    > > >
    > > >My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty
    > > >training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
    for
    > > >a
    > > >quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining
    > > >room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course
    I
    > > >checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
    realized
    > > >that
    > > >Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked, and he said
    "No". I
    > > >kept thinking,"Oh Lord,that child has had an accident and I don't have
    > > >any clothes with me. "Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not
    have an
    > > >accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had,
    because
    > the
    > > >smell was
    > > >getting worse. So...........I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have
    an
    > > >accident?"
    > > >This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread
    his
    > > >cheeks and yelled......."See MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
    > > >
    > > >While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly
    pulled
    > > >up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I
    was
    > > >mortified............but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot
    > > >better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had
    > ever
    > > >had!!!


    [This message has been edited by ANGEL4U (edited October 04, 2000 at 02:27 PM).]

  11. #11
    Baluchitherium
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    That was hilarious!! LOL

 

 

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