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  1. #1
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.
    I am George Carlin.
    I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks.
    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my
    family, not some midlevel governmental functionary
    with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
    crack addicts squirting out babies.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac,
    you'd better do it in English.
    I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it
    that way.

    I think that being a student doesn't give you any
    more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster.
    In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put
    your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you
    haven't begun to be enlightened.

    I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or
    her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out
    of it. This also applies to sexuality.
    I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a
    reason.

    I don't think being a minority makes you noble or
    victimized. I don't use the excuse "it's for the
    children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or
    actions.

    I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of
    July. My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons,
    and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
    I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
    I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my
    time arguing about it.

    I think global warming is a big lie. Where are
    all those experts now, when I am freezing my
    ass through a long winter?

    I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I
    didn't wander forty years in the desert after
    getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't
    burned any witches or been persecuted
    by the Turks and neither have you, so
    shut up already.

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your
    sorry ass if you're running from them.
    I also think they have the right to pull your ass
    over if you are breaking the law, regardless
    of what color you are.

    I think if you are too stupid to know how a
    ballot works, I don't want you deciding who
    should be running the most powerful nation
    of the world for the next four years.

    I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
    passing, your license should be revoked,
    and you should be forced to ride the
    bus until you promise to never delay the
    rest of us again.

    If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a
    BAD American.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />God Bless the USA!!!!<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  2. #2
    Eruption BigBadBrian's Avatar
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    Rough, but a lot of wisdom there.
    "Tardy? I don't feel tardy!"

    "I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister!" - DLR

    Pride and Glory - the Packer Story!

  3. #3
    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    Holy Shit!!!!!! That was the best goddamn thing I have ever read! I am printing that motherfucker off, having it framed and hanging in my room! George Carlin kicks ass. That was better than the Ted Nugent rant I recently read. Thanks for posting that dude.

    Aquatic "enlightened" Punk
    Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of course in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.
    -Lewis Tully in Ghostbusters

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing!
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    01.10.09 @ 01:07 PM
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    You guys realize that some of that is sarcastic, and actually a criticism??? Any of you guys ever watch ol' George??

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! Aquatic Punk's Avatar
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    01.11.12 @ 06:57 PM
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    Originally posted by DLR'sCock:
    You guys realize that some of that is sarcastic, and actually a criticism??? Any of you guys ever watch ol' George??
    Dude, I don't care how it was meant...if it wasn't so damn long, I'd use it as my signature
    Gozer the Traveller will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb. Then of course in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a Sloar. Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.
    -Lewis Tully in Ghostbusters

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk hain23x's Avatar
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    12.10.17 @ 08:57 AM
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    Carlin is the best comedian workin' today [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    Eat Us and Smile!

  7. #7
    Hot For Teacher
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    09.20.17 @ 08:12 AM
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    Although a fun read, many of us "old timers" have seen this writing many times before (Sorry, it was not George). Even Ted Nugent had to defend not writing it on his site at one time. Check out some facts on its origin here:

    http://www.snopes2.com/language/document/carlin.htm

    and here:

    http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3b21fbab4b27.htm

  8. #8
    Baluchitherium
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    Thanks for clearing that up, trip.

    [img]graemlins/irked.gif[/img] It seems that quite a bit was left out of this, thanks for the link Although, a great friend of mine recommended this site to me a few months back so I could check out these crazy emails I get, I firgetted to do just that!

  9. #9
    Good Enough
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    08.17.07 @ 05:09 PM
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    Happens to the best of us angel!

    Snopes is a great place to check things out... I go there all the time! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img] Then again, sometimes I firget to do it too! LOL!
    "May you die at age 128, in bed, shot to death by a jealous lover" DLR 2002

  10. #10
    Good Enough
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    08.17.07 @ 05:09 PM
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    Originally posted by ANGEL4U:
    I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
    passing, your license should be revoked,
    and you should be forced to ride the
    bus until you promise to never delay the
    rest of us again.
    I don't know WHO said it, but THIS one! This one statement!! I'd vote for the guy for president! [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    "May you die at age 128, in bed, shot to death by a jealous lover" DLR 2002

  11. #11
    The Dude Dan Halen's Avatar
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    09.26.07 @ 02:38 PM
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    Donor

    LOL Carlin fucking rules. His new book is so damn funny.
    "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice." --Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

  12. #12
    Little Dreamer
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    YOU ARE KIDDING RIGHT?
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    Carlin Rocks! [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    -What'cha lookin' for!?

  13. #13
    Baluchitherium
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    05.12.06 @ 06:39 PM
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    That was cool
    I am awesome

  14. #14
    Niners Fan! SactoFan's Avatar
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    Premium Member

    Donor

    A funny piece, but I can't satnd Carlin's stuff... [img]graemlins/irked.gif[/img]
    Can't stop...addicted to the shindig...

 

 

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