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Thread: Men vs. Women

  1. #1
    Good Enough
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    This may have already turned up in Angel's Funny Farm, but I don't feel like reading through all of it to find out...

    (if it's there, please delete this)


    > Men vs. Women vs. the Short Story
    >
    > Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
    > here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern
    > Methodist University:
    >
    > In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
    > "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
    > The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
    > sitting to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the
    > first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
    > paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person
    > will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
    > re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
    > coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
    > reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English
    > students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "
    >
    > At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
    > chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
    > reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
    > liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
    > off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
    > him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
    > of the question.
    >
    > Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
    > squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
    > about than he neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
    > with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris
    > to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
    > orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
    > sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
    > hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
    > him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
    >
    > He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
    > felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
    > who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
    > pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon. "Congress
    > Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in
    > her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
    > bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the
    > days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
    > television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
    > beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
    > become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
    >
    > Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
    > Thousands of miles above the city, the Au'udrian mothership launched the
    > first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks
    > who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress
    > had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
    > were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
    > passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
    > carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
    > to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
    > fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
    > top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
    > coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized
    > Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist
    > on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
    > treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
    >
    > This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
    > writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
    >
    > Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
    > at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
    >
    > Asshole.
    >
    > Bitch.
    Don't bark at me...<b>I</b> didn't name ya.

  2. #2
    Baluchitherium
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AbeVanHalen:
    &gt; This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
    &gt; writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
    &gt;
    &gt; Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
    &gt; at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
    &gt;
    &gt; Asshole.
    &gt;
    &gt; Bitch.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    Well, alrighty then!!
    [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />God Bless the USA!!!!<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  3. #3
    Baluchitherium JWS_5150's Avatar
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    Donor

    LMAO! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    I'm one of those crazies on your block.

    writing

  4. #4
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MikeL:
    Gully and I wouldn't be allowed to write. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Oh, I dunno about that. You two would most likely make the best story!

    [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    Don't bark at me...<b>I</b> didn't name ya.

  5. #5
    Baluchitherium
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lead Synth:
    Cute. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Forums ought to try to write a story in this fashion and see how far *we* get.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    I think that is an excellent idea....go ahead and start it LS [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />God Bless the USA!!!!<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  6. #6
    Baluchitherium Lead Synth's Avatar
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    Donor

    Cute. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Forums ought to try to write a story in this fashion and see how far *we* get.
    www.mayakuper.com

    "VH rocked Staples like a foot rocks grapes in Naples." - mistere

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk MikeL's Avatar
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    Donor

    Gully and I wouldn't be allowed to write. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

 

 

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