The Osbournes, the MTV reality show chronicling the lives of Ozzy Osbourne and his family, is a surprise hit. Among the highlights of upcoming episodes:

1. Sharon catches Ozzy fucking a microwaved pumpkin

2. Ozzy stumbles into, knocks over display rack at carpet store

3. Ozzy and Sharon forced to prentend they enjoyed Dio's potroast

4. Ozzy angrily hits Cuisinart with shoe

5. Family takes leisurely Sunday drive in their coffin-shaped hotrod

6. Ozzy stares blankly at TV as dogs and cats crawl all over him

7. David Lee Roth crashes on couch for most of May


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