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  1. #1
    Eruption
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    06.08.07 @ 12:27 PM
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    here's a new topic... dave vs. sammy, but from a slightly different angle:

    an honest to goodness, side by side comparison of the two:

    SINGING ABILITY: sammy actually does sing. dave bellows, chirps, whoops and guffaws. you don't quite know whether to laugh or call 911. advantage sammy.

    LYRICAL ABILITY: sammy has written mostly dog shit songs, no doubt. but in between, he hits on some good stuff. Dave on the other hand doesn't actually write songs, he writes graffiti. advantage sammy.

    LONGEVITY: according to sammy he invented rock and roll and the electric guitar. i wouldn't go that far, but his career has continued through several decades, so he must have something people dig. dave never had a career. he had a job being frontman for VH. after he was fired from that job, he went to work as evening manager for SuperMarket of Shoes where he was subsequently fired after being caught masturbating on pair of glossy black strapless mules. advantage sammy.

    HEFT: years of yoga and tofu have molded dave into a puny excuse for a man. in fact, he's often mistaken for that twink Sting. sammy weighs in at a respectable 265 thanks to a strict diet of salt pork rinds, taco bell nacho grandes with extra cheese and dozens of Krispy Kreme doughnuts (got em by the ears, got em by the dozen) advantage sammy.

    FLEXIBILITY: dave can still kick his legs over his head and suck his own dick (which is the only action he gets nowadays.) sammy has trouble bending over to tie his shoes. advantage dave.

    HAIR: tricky one... dave is a hairy bastard, true. but by rule one strand of hair on the head is worth a dozen in the ear. advantage sammy.

    SELF-IMPORTANCE: very tricky... sammy believes he invented rock and roll. but dave believes rock and roll died when quit vh. this one is a push.

    FAVORITE BOOZE: dave digs on jack daniels. boring. stole the whole scene from the rat pack. sammy reivented tequila, bottled his own brand and has been successful selling the swill for 40 bills a pop. advantage sammy.

    overall winner: sammy

  2. #2
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    10.22.17 @ 08:55 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SeriousDooDoo:
    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA<hr></blockquote>

    Eat Us And Smile

    Welcome back, Van HALEN!!!!

    ...It's the BAND and Dave is really the cat that can front VH. He sang his ASS off and was really cool. No cheese here guys, this is filet Mignon! - Steve Lukather's comment after witnessing a Van HALEN 2007 rehearsal

    "What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears?"- 1 Samuel 15:14

  3. #3
    Damage your reputation seenbad's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 10:48 AM
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    Donor

    quote:
    Originally posted by SeriousDooDoo:

    SINGING ABILITY: sammy actually does sing. dave bellows, chirps, whoops and guffaws. you don't quite know whether to laugh or call 911. advantage sammy.




    Thats fuckin hilarious!
    sheepa latta peepah dabba looka foh a moopy

    Gunter glieben glauchen globen

  4. #4
    Sinner's Swing!
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    01.10.09 @ 01:07 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by FORD:


    <hr></blockquote>

    man ain't it the truth...

  5. #5
    Atomic Punk hain23x's Avatar
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    12.11.17 @ 03:59 PM
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    an honest to goodness, side by side comparison of the two:

    SINGING ABILITY: sammy screeches. dave sings the blues. Advantage Roth!

    LYRICAL ABILITY: sammy has written mostly dog shit songs. 90% of the world agrees that Sammy writes cheese and Dave writes strip-bar poetry. Advantage Roth!

    LONGEVITY: Since Sammy's theme song "I Can't Drive 55" is now meaningless, Sammy will be forgotten, but you'll still hear the classic Van Halen on the radio! Advantage Roth!

    HEFT: Yes, Sammy is fat, and Dave is in the best shape of his life- advantage sammy.

    FLEXIBILITY: dave can still kick his legs over his head. sammy has trouble bending over to tie his shoes. advantage Dave.

    HAIR: now this one really is tricky! on one hand you have DLR who is thinning on top, and the other you have Sammy who looks like Bette Midler's stunt double! and to top it off, he has his own shampoo! advantage Sammy!

    SELF-IMPORTANCE: ... sammy believes he sold 40million records with Van Halen --and just about everybody says that DLR has been the best frontman for a band since the late 1960s-Advantage Roth!

    FAVORITE BOOZE: dave digs on jack daniels.stole the whole scene from the rat pack-if you're going to steal, you might as well steal from the best! sammy's marketing team told him that "the kids will think you're hip and cool" if you start talking about tequila,- bottled his own brand and has been selling the swill for 40 bills a pop-along with his shampoo, T-shirt, and whatever else he's peddlin' these days down there at his Branson, Mexico version of Dollywood. advantage Roth!.

    overall winner: Roth!
    Eat Us and Smile!

  6. #6
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:38 PM
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    Oh, fuck it, I was ignoring this thread, but I guess I'll contribute to the madness. This is from a fan who prefers Sammy by a hair.

    SINGING ABILITY: Sammy can carry a tune in several octaves, Dave can't. Advantage Sammy by a little

    LYRICAL ABILITY: Sammy has written some great songs, and some dog shit songs. David is pretty consistent with what he writes, even if he can't remember his own lyrics. Advantage Roth

    LONGEVITY: Sammy has had 3 careers, Montrose, solo and Van Halen, and can be considered a success in each at one time or another. David had 8 years with Van Halen and maybe 2 more solo. Advantage Sammy

    HEFT: Sammy fat, Dave not. Advantage Sammy

    FLEXIBILITY: Puhlease. Advantage Dave.

    HAIR: Messy and stupid beats bald. Advantage Sammy

    SELF-IMPORTANCE: They are both self important nuts. Push

    FAVORITE BOOZE: JD or Vitamin T. Sammy has his own, and it's pretty damn good. Advantage Sammy

    Overall winner: Who fuckin cares.

  7. #7
    Atomic Punk FORD's Avatar
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    10.22.17 @ 08:55 PM
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    1973 - 1985 = 8 years?

    Guess sheep can't count.....
    Eat Us And Smile

    Welcome back, Van HALEN!!!!

    ...It's the BAND and Dave is really the cat that can front VH. He sang his ASS off and was really cool. No cheese here guys, this is filet Mignon! - Steve Lukather's comment after witnessing a Van HALEN 2007 rehearsal

    "What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears?"- 1 Samuel 15:14

  8. #8
    Hang 'Em High Stuff No More's Avatar
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    01.08.05 @ 11:08 AM
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    Aw hell, I can't resist:

    Career Options: If Sammy hits a hard spell he can start doing those, "Parents, tell your kids about the dangers of alcohol and weed before it's too late," commercials. Dave can become the spokesperson for the hair club for men. The difference - the hair club pays. Advantage Dave.

    Wardrobe Faux Pas: Dave shows up for shows with no backside to his pants. Sammy showed up looking like he rolled out of bed a few moments before. Both donned outfits that would blind a normal man on their last tour. Advantage neither.

    Interview Skills: Sammy tends to go overboard and conjure fictionally large numbers for totals ("Man, we sell 5 million gallons of tequilla a week at my club!"). Dave is a rambling incoherent bafoon. Okay, Sammy fibs, but at least we can figure out that he's fibbing Advantage: Sammy.

    Solo Albums: Neither Dave nor Sammy could buy a Big Mac extra value meal off of their royalties from the sale of their previous album. Advantage neither.

    Our judges, after a careful preponderance of the evidence, have declaired this competition a TIE!

    [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    "Just once I'd like to do the right thing and not get punished for it."

  9. #9
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:38 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by FORD:
    1973 - 1985 = 8 years?

    Guess sheep can't count.....
    <hr></blockquote>


    Oh, jesus, I am referring to recording career, and went 77 - 85. Fine, edit the fucker to 12 years. I still stand by my point. The whole thing is tongue in cheek anyway. You know tongue in cheek, right? Oh no, that's right, for you it's dick in mouth. Sorry!
    (yes, that was a joke!)

  10. #10
    Atomic Punk jrk5150's Avatar
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    12.15.17 @ 07:38 PM
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    <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuff No More:
    Aw hell, I can't resist:

    Career Options: If Sammy hits a hard spell he can start doing those, "Parents, tell your kids about the dangers of alcohol and weed before it's too late," commercials. Dave can become the spokesperson for the hair club for men. The difference - the hair club pays. Advantage Dave.

    Wardrobe Faux Pas: Dave shows up for shows with no backside to his pants. Sammy showed up looking like he rolled out of bed a few moments before. Both donned outfits that would blind a normal man on their last tour. Advantage neither.

    Interview Skills: Sammy tends to go overboard and conjure fictionally large numbers for totals ("Man, we sell 5 million gallons of tequilla a week at my club!"). Dave is a rambling incoherent bafoon. Okay, Sammy fibs, but at least we can figure out that he's fibbing Advantage: Sammy.

    Solo Albums: Neither Dave nor Sammy could buy a Big Mac extra value meal off of their royalties from the sale of their previous album. Advantage neither.

    Our judges, after a careful preponderance of the evidence, have declaired this competition a TIE!

    [img]graemlins/bounce.gif[/img]
    <hr></blockquote>


    LMFAO [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]

 

 

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