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Thread: Rules Of Thumb

  1. #1
    Atomic Punk
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    05.31.14 @ 08:17 PM
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    These are just some true-isms that I've learned the hard way. Go ahead and add your own.

    Never leave your wallet backstage.

    Never leave your guitar or effects unattended.

    Always keep at least two sets of strings unopened in your gear box because the string that will break is the one that you don't have.

    Same goes for batteries.

    Never loan your equipment out unless you are going with it. If you do, don't bitch if it doesn't come back or comes back damaged.

    Never loan your equipment to a friend, unless you want him to become an ex-friend.

    If there is a chick in your band, nobody dates her.

    No girlfriends at practice. I can't tell you how many different ways this leads to trouble.

    Your drummer can't get stoned until after practice/the gig.

    Practice setting up and breaking down your gear and the band's gear. This will help you get return gigs more than if you can play well. Anybody who's had to wait for a bunch of stoned Fish wannabes knows what I'm talking about.

    If you can't get your gear off stage in less than five minutes, you suck.
    "Nothing is ever what it seems but everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai


    My Blog:

    http://axxman300tool.blogspot.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/axxman300

  2. #2
    Hot For Teacher
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    - don´t put an beer-bottle on the top of your amp. sometimes in the heat of the moment you can forget that your guitar is long enough to throw it in the amp...

    - never make any bad comments to the audience, or a bad joke, it can end really bad lol..

    - never stagedive for yourself, you can get hurt if your playing your instrument, and by the way if your stagedive during a solo you always will fucked it up...

    - never urinate into someones boxes when your drunk, or don´t urinate into your one guitarbox, the day after you´ll get the bill...

    - never play when it rains, it ruines your hair...

    - don´t fire your singer if your going to make a gig the other day, and don´t replace him with an elvis-klone, it can end really bad....

    - don´t pretend to be jimi hendrix...

    - don´t pretend to be the guitarplayer from linkin park...

    - never take your family to one of your gigs, specially when you´re playing in an death-metal band... after that you won´t see any money from your family...

    - don´t slaught sheeps on one of your gigs, it takes a long time to get the mess cleaned up...

    - don´t bite head offs from animals...

    - be TRUE!
    "Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?" - Hansel, Zoolander. <br /><br />"You're talking loco and I like it!" - Hansel, Zoolander.<br /><br />"Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that."<br />Hansel, Zoolander

  3. #3
    5150 TheCaboKid's Avatar
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    06.24.15 @ 01:26 AM
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    Guitar jokes

    WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

    Guitars don't get pregnant.

    You can play your Guitar any time of the month.

    Guitars don't have parents.

    Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.

    You can share your Guitar with your friends.

    Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played

    Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.

    Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.

    Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.

    You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

    If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.

    Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.

    Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.

    You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.

    If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.

    You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.

    You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

    Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

    Guitars don't get headaches.

    Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.

    Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.

    Guitars don't care if you're late.

    You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.

    If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.

    You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

    The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.

    When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

    and last, but not least:

    If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.
    "Well, he's an intelligent, well-read guy. But it's like he can't connect the dots somehow." (EVH Guitar World, March 1998).

    GP: "Did you use a pick for "Spanish Fly"?

    EVH: "Yeah, except for the part near the end that sounds like Montoya or something."

  4. #4
    On Fire
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    12.31.69 @ 04:00 PM
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    HAHAHAHAH COOL [img]graemlins/thumb.gif[/img]
    EVH: Definitely. Playing guitar was my sanctuary. It was the one place I could go to if I got fucked around by a girlfriend, or anyone else, for that matter. It still is. If there’s something I can’t deal with, I can just spend hours playing. It’s a God-given gift – I certainly don’t know where the ideas come from. They’re obviously given to you, and you have to keep your fingers moving and your mind quiet. I try my best to not think about thinking, so I can just let it flow. Because when I start thinking, forget it. <br />So....why he isn't playing guitar ? ? ?

  5. #5
    Sinner's Swing! el_jalepeno's Avatar
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    10.28.15 @ 05:22 PM
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    Donor

    Originally posted by TheCaboKid:
    Guitar jokes

    WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

    Guitars don't get pregnant.

    You can play your Guitar any time of the month.

    Guitars don't have parents.

    Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.

    You can share your Guitar with your friends.

    Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played

    Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.

    Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.

    Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.

    You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

    If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.

    Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.

    Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.

    You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.

    If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.

    You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.

    You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

    Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

    Guitars don't get headaches.

    Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.

    Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.

    Guitars don't care if you're late.

    You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.

    If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.

    You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

    The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.

    When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

    and last, but not least:

    If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.
    I'm telling Courtney! [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

  6. #6
    Unchained
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    09.16.17 @ 09:35 PM
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    If someone tells you that your guitar is FAT,
    thats a good thing.

 

 

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